The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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My wife just got a bunch of clothes from a little old dead lady - about four boxes full. They are really cool clothes from the '80s - you know, stuff with shoulder pads, odd prints, weird strings that you tie in a bow around your waist or neck. Neither of us knew the lady. Connie (my wife) stumbled upon these articles through someone she works with who said the lady was Connie's size (really small). Fortunately Connie like garage sale style clothing and looks good in them. I think it is cool.

It is also fun to emphasize the fact that Connie is wearing some nameless dead lady's old clothes. It is macabre in a fun sort of way.
 10:13 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Well I'm cleaning phones. Did you hear that? I'm not sure if I did. Can this be true??? When I was 9 years old I didn't want to grow up to be a phone cleaner. Is this what happens to kids who stick pencils in the celing at school? Well I will be sure to teach my kids the danger of sticking pencils in the celings at school. I will show them their poor pathetic dad and that will be enough to steer them down the rosy path of life. Once my child has a vocab large enough to understand me I will say to him, "Fred (my first born's name) do you see how your daddy is always frowning? And how mommy is always crying about daddy? Well that is because I am a phone cleaner. All of our woes are due to my habit of sticking pencils in the celing at school."

On a brighter note, I saw a Mark Ryden painting in person at the Laguna Art Museum. It was the Princess Sputnick painting. What a thrill. I can't wait for my Mark Ryden book to come in the mail.


 11:41 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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Inspiration is odd. Maybe it is different for you, but for me inspiration is a very fleeting, unpredictable sort of thing. When I feel inspired to do something I do it without forethought and I have a blast doing it. I look back at what I did - be it a day, a year or a millennium - and I am pleased with what I did for the simple reason that it reminds me of a time when I enjoyed doing something. I could care less if my inspired work moved anybody else or is considered a masterpiece - it is besides the point. All I care about it having a good time while I am doing something. But this is the aspect of inspiration that frustrates me most. When I want to be inspired, inspiration hides itself from me. There isn't any mating call I can use to bring it out of its coy behavior. You would think I would be constantly inspired since I have such pure motives – all I want is to enjoy doing things I enjoy doing. But I can’t even get that much out of Inspiration. Is that too much to ask?

Inspiration is sort of like a good cup of coffee – when you really want a good cup of coffee you don’t get one, but when you just get a cup of coffee without thinking of its quality you end up getting a great cup and saying to yourself, “hey, that is a fine cup of Joe.” Then you think you figured out the secret of great coffee, it isn’t the type of coffee or how you make it, it is all about your expectations. If you just don’t expect anything great you will get something great. So you go and get yourself a cup of coffee and purposely cancel all expectations. Bunk! It doesn’t work! That is because I was expecting a good cup of coffee by pretending that I wasn’t expecting a good cup of coffee in the usual way that I expect. But all I really did was develop a more sophisticated method of expectation. Great! What a jip! How the heck can I get a consistently good cup of coffee?

Now you know my frustration with inspiration. If I could figure out how to tap into inspiration at-will I think I could rule the world. Ah, that is probably why inspiration hides itself from me - she knows that I wouldn't be the greatest ruler. But then why can’t I get a good cup of coffee at-will? I think this is the work of some devious mastermind. Could it be Bill Gates? No, too diabolical. I think this is the clear tracks of the Pope. Darn that Vatican!!! When will they cease from their schemes?
 12:49 AM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

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I get all these emails for legal marijuana substitutes. The one I get all the time is Kathmandu 2. Have you ever heard of this stuff? Do you think it is some kind of scam? I mean if it is really a marijuanna substitute don't you think everybody would be buying it? I mean why risk legal woes when you can get the same thing with the blessing of our government. I don't know what to think of this stuff.
 9:10 PM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

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It is verses like this that make me a lover of the pure preaching of Christ alone:

Romans 16:25 "Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ"

I don't know how people can think that the preaching of Christ isn't practical - Paul is under the impression that it is the preaching of the gospel of Jesus that with strengthen us. I think I take sides with Paul.
 5:59 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Dude, this is the best test. I feel complete.
I am an Enormous Pineapple.

I paint my thoughtful combustion with fillets of meringue. Bright spicy storks elicit my false gigantism. My refrigerated destiny gives rubber nuns to the fallen kick-off.

Which Spanish gazebos lead to sponge? The Utterly Surreal Test

 8:36 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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crud. I tried to make a link to the Dane's results of the cat test but instead I got some goffy thing that I can't edit. Please forgive me.
 8:26 AM   •   like your cut?  

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Check this out. You know all those online tests that tell you what kind of James Bond Villain you are, or what kind of gum you are, well this one is really interesting. It is what kind of cat you are. The reason this is interesting is because it seems obvious that cat lovers are the target audience for this test. And generally what sort of people are die-hard cat lovers? I know you hate stereotypes, but I love 'em. So the average die-hard cat lover is usually a somewhat lonely, overly sentimental, excessively emotional type person - the sort who gets excited when a new Precious Moments figurine is released. I know there is a little bit of cat lover in us all - heck, I even like little kitties every now and again. But there is a difference between thinking cats are cool and being a cat person. Anyways, all the results from this cat test are real sweet like - you know, kind of sappy, real positive; the sort of thing a cat person would want to hear. I think the general tenor of the test proves that my stereotype isn’t a load of Johnny Cat. Here is my result from the test.



Take the What Cat Are You? test by webkin!

The Dane's is likewise sappy.

I looked at a bunch of other results and they are all similar.
 8:23 AM   •   like your cut?  

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Cool, I'm also this guy.

If I were a James Bond villain, I would be Francisco Scaramanga.

I enjoy good food, monopolising the world's energy supplies, and sex before assassinating people.

I am played by Christopher Lee in The Man with the Golden Gun.

Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test

 3:07 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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Cool, I'm Picasso's "Three Musicians".

If I were a work of art, I would be Pablo Picasso's Three Musicians.

I am colourful and provoking, always looking to break out of the mould and to pioneer new ways of doing things. I have a jaunty outlook and although I am a bit weird, most people have some idea what I'm about.

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

 2:57 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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So I got this job cleaning phones. Yes, I am what you call a "phone cleaner". In fact, I am quite proud of my phone cleaning capabilities. If you like, I could go into more detail.

But phone cleaning isn't my dream job. Instead it is just a temporary task that will keep me busy until I can start substituting. There is so much red tape in the school system. I wanted to substitue teach while I wait to start the teaching credential program. But it has taken so long to start subbing that I got another job while I wait for the sub job which is also just a temporary job while I wait for the teaching program to start. I'm supprised I didn't have to get a job while I wait for the phone cleaning job to start.
 3:00 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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I have a cold now. Just took some pills and am drinking tea. My wife is trying to talk to me, but thanks to the pills all I hear is murmuring. Pills are cool. I like the way they make you not care about what is going on around you.

What kind of pills did I take??? Maybe they are for my cold. Maybe they aren't.
 8:51 PM   •  1 satisfied customer!