The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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I keep on keepin' on. Even though I am beset on every side by hideous foes I maintain my repose. In the face of adversity I snicker.

Yes, you have guessed it, I'm pregnant again. This time with a new occupation. Or in a different light, a closed door to a previously pursued occupation. Yes, becoming a high school teacher isn't as easy as some say. When I knock on the school district's door I get it slammed in my face after a brief discourse. Why? Is it because I'm of mixed blood? Is it because I'm going to vote no on W? Is it because I didn't major in what I want to teach and have no reliable testimony to my competence in the subject matter? Naw, that can't be it. I mean if I answer their question about why I'm competent to teach history by saying, "I like the subject" they should accept that, don't you think? I would.

Well now I am going to look for some sort of exciting work to do while I get my masters in English. I still want to teach at a JC someday, but that day keeps creeping over the horizon just beyond my sight. With my luck I will probably be a millionaire before I can teach and then I won't need to. That's what happens when you are born under a June star in December.
 5:28 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Tonight, I'm going to go into the bathroom, turn off all the lights, stare into the mirror and say, "Bloody Mary" three times and see what happenes. As a kid I always got too scared and ran out of the bathroom before anything happened. Rumor has it, after saying "Bloody Mary" three times she will appear in the mirror and hurt you in some aweful manner that involving cutting.
 2:46 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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By the way, if you are a fan of truth, justice, love or peace you might want to buy some Ginger Chews at your local Trader Joe's. They are neat.
 5:02 PM   •   like your cut?  

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Some one just tried to hack into my computer. My Norton thingy just told me so. Who could do such a thing???
I think it may be my so-called friend from LUxenburg - Sir William Toggle. Ever since I disagreed with him about the inherit superiority of yellow card stock over salmon he has had it out for me. He even went so far as to accuse me of being obtuse. The nerve!
 4:59 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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God is driving everybody insane and they are all going to kill each other.
 9:38 PM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

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1. Dr. Laura is the HMO of phycologists.
2. I'm glad scalping is no longer a threat.

 3:54 PM   •   like your cut?  

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In my dream, a lady cracked her skull open in a car accident that I was sort of involved in*. The paramedic came and wrapped her head in SaranWrap (or a light red hugh) and paper towels. You could see her brains squish against the SaranWrap. I was scared I was going to get in trouble. She looked ok**.

*- I was trying to make a left hand turn and this station wagon sort of dodged me, since she was in the wrong lane to begin with, and tipped over in a comical sort of slow-motion.

** - Dreams are strange in the way that they can make you think someone is alight when their brains are pressed against a bunch of SaranWrap wrapped around their head.
 8:24 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Anyone want to go see Medenski, Martin and Wood in LA on April 19th???

I have always wanted to see them live.
 8:00 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Let's see, new happenings . . . hmmm . . . I sold a kidney. Did it Thursday afternoon. They pulled it out of my belly button while I watched Dawsons Creek. I was so moved by the show that I didn't even notice that they unravellad about a half a mile of my small intestine. They ended up getting it back in before a comercial break and I only found out after we bargined on the price for the kidney. The only problem is now I have really bad gas and my farts make "aaa-uuuu-ggg-aaa" noises like a Ford Model T.
 9:13 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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I think I'm best suited to be an aristocrat. I'm going to start sending out my resume now for any open positions. With all the Europeans moving to America I'm sure there are some openings. I think I'll start looking in the central and northern countries first and then work my way west and south. Please let me be a Germanic prince!
 9:53 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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At school we learn things.

Today, for instance, we learned that old doesn't always mean ugly, it just usually does. I took a mighty bit of offense at this since I am quite an old fart; after all, I am coming awfully close to the big 80. At this rate I will get older as time goes on, unlike the majority of my classmates who insist that their life is constructed chiasticly rather than chronologically. They claim it is the result of designer drugs.

Like I said, we learn things in school.
 12:56 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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Parking sucks.

Parking doesn't suck, if you know what I mean. *wink* *wink*

But I still maintain, strongly maintain, that the non-fun type of parking sucks.

But I still hold out, mightly hold out, that the fun parking (*sniker*) is cool.
 5:33 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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SCORE! Went to a killer garage sale today. A DJ was getting rid of a ton of records and equipment. I picked up two mixers and grip of LPs. The selection of LPs wasn't as good as I hoped (no Jazz and mediocre classic rock), but I did get a bunch of funny old 80's stuff like Thompson Twins, Oingo Boingo, Ratt, The Cars, B-52s, Tears for Fears, Go-Go's and Montley Crue, just to name a few. I walked out with about 50 pieces of vinal and two mixers for a crisp $40. One of the mixers is for me Bro-in-Law.

Horray for DJ's selling their stuff!
 1:16 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Maybe our desires for greatness is the horrible side effect of an American dream overdose.

Greatness is not intended for all.

Leaders are by definition the minority.

Not everybody can be the champion.

To be a champion there must be a loser plus a vast array of defeated candidates.

Leaders need followers otherwise they are wanderers.

Greatness is a distinction and distinctions are made about differences.

Why the depressing burp? I’ve been reading history again. That dang stuff is so depressing.
 5:59 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Tragedy! I have been denied access to the Spring Intern Teaching Credential Program. tragedy!

Now they say I can do the Student Teaching program in the Fall.

Extreme sadness! Despair! Suicidal Tendencies!

Speaking of Suicidal Tendencies, I kind of wish I would have kept their first album. It wasn't all that bad and it had the classic, "All I wanted was a Pepsi" song. I think I might go out and reclaim this relic of my somewhat embarrassing Metal youth.
 8:06 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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I started my class on Children's Literature today. Sweet! We are going to read all the violent old fairy tales. The prof is cool too; she thinks it is a shame that parents censor the types of fairy tales they hear. She thinks children need to be scared about the world so that they don't do stupid things. I think that is cool. I did the same thing to the girl Sara who lives with us.

Sara is about 4 1/2 years old. Outside we saw a fire truck zoom by. Sara asked me what that was. I tell her “a fire truck.”
"What's that?" she asked.
"Well, the firemen put out fires."
Sara returns a blank stare and says, "What?"
"Well when your house is on fire the firemen put it out?"
She still wasn't getting it. So I figured I need to make it more vivid for her 4 year old mind. "Well Sara, when a fire starts the whole house get on fire - the roof, the walls, your bed and toys and clothes - everything gets on fire. Then the firemen come and put it out."
At this point she was uncharacteristically quite.
"I don't want my toys to be on fire!" she sobbed. "I need clothes and a bed! I don't want them to be on fire!"
"Sara, that is what the firemen are for. They put the fire out."
"No they don't" she contradicted.
"Yes they do" I quipped.
"No they don't."
"Sara, they make the fire go away so you can have your clothes and toys back."
"No they don't" Then she asks, "Why do they do that?"
"What?"
"I don't like fireman. Why do they do that? Why do they put fire on my toys?"
"Sara, firemen are good, they make the fire go away."
"No they don't"
This went on for about 20 minutes. I felt bad about this sobbing girl who is now scared of her world. Well I ran out of ideas and just let her be scared. I capitalized on the moment and told her, "so don't play with fire."

Sara's mom Rosie was able to straighten everything out in about 5 seconds. Hooray for moms!!!
 9:24 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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I really don't like Bono from U2. And I never liked U2 either. But Bono really annoys me. How did he get his presence in that big World Economics meeting in New York? What does he have to contribute? He opens up his mouth and says, "We need to end the spread of HIV in third world countries." I seriously don't know what he is talking about. Do we have a magic cure for the disease that will stop the spread of HIV? Who is going to pay for this? Does he want the US to pay for this? Is the US supposed to solve the world's problems? If so, then let the US be the only government of the world. These third world countries have more problems than just HIV. The purpose of these World Economics meetings (I forgot the exact name of the meetings) is to help industrialize these nations so that they can supply their people with the protection for disease that they need.

To me Bono seems like the sort of guy that wants the image of being politically active without really knowing what he is talking about.
 7:56 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Clear your mind of all culturally induced ideas of right and wrong. This is an experiment and I need clear thinking.

At my mother-in-law's home I found a book called, "Coffee with God" or something like that. A typical flower-decked tablebook that appeals to the motherly sort. What is the tone you sense about this book? It's sort of like an intimate causal friendly chat with the almighty creator and judge. But not any old chat, a chat where you both partake of powerfully addictive drug -- the devil bean we know as coffee. Hey if there are depressants in heaven (the wine flows like rivers in heaven) why should we assume there aren't stimulants also? Is the author aware that there are some Christians in the world that think coffee is a sin just like they would think alcohol is a sin? But when the majority of people in the culture find a drug acceptable it becomes acceptable to share that drug with our Lord. But do we call this sort of book blasphemous? Hardly.

In our culture I can see a similar book targeted at the Puritan type. Maybe we would call in, "A Pint with God." It would appeal to the hearty beer drinking Presbyterian, sort of like myself. It would be the sort of thing where we chum around with the Big Guy - swapping stories about how I lit a whole colony of ants on fire and God would tell me about how He hailed fire and brimstone upon Sodom and Gammorah. Instead of a dainty tea party it would be leather couches and a poker table. Don't forget the cigars. Would we call this book blasphemous? No. Well, some might, but some might call the coffee book blasphemous too.

Now, find yourself in a different culture, a culture where not only the drugs of coffee and beer are legal. In this culture I think I would like to write the book, "Bong tokes with God." This would appeal to men and women of all ages. The setting would be at a park or someone's home. It would just be a good old time of playing video games and making brownies or singing songs in the open air. Something young and old, dainty and hearty can all enjoy. It wouldn't be so exclusive as the stimulant or depressant book. Rather it would be more encompassing, sort of like the way the early church was all encompassing - no need to single any group out since we are all brothers and sisters. Would we call this book blasphemous? Suprisingly most people probably would. But why? Why would this book be wrong and not the other "share your drugs with God" books acceptable? Sometimes I wonder about how culturally influenced the church is.
 8:58 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!