The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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My teacher asked me to write a poem for class. I wrote this and won the hearts and applause of everybody:

My love is like a red gardner
Her fragrence like that of Neon
Her fingers wobble around licorice
And flare blue when near fences.

But her butt reminds me of France
and her hair of anchient belts.
When I come to her side
I Will shurly come with bread.
Twas only yesterday that I heard her name called by elfs
And only tommorow that she will be seated near the window
In a booth
With a menu
And an appetite that only steel workers can understand.
Yes my love is a beautiful noun
And her verbs beyond adjetives.
Only a pronoun in a dependent clause
Can match her chilli.
My love is with it.
 3:15 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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I had a dream of a slow motion bird. It was the coolest thing. I think it was a gold finch, that brid that bears so much importance that I don't understand. But everything else was moving at regular speed. But the bird flew in slow motion. It was captivating.
 8:06 AM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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What do you think about home appraisers??? I'm thinking of becoming one while I work on my masters in English. It sounds like a coolio job.

In other news, I have ten new catepraties. They aren't new but good as new. Francis, our local grocier, was throwing them out. I cought him before the drenched them with jet fuel. He said I could take them if I swept his store every Thursday. Thanks to my intense negotiating skills I got all ten for a weeks worth of grout scrubing. Cha- Ching!!! I only need three of them so if you know anyone who could use one let me know and I'll see if we could work something out. If you know any Tai-Bo instructors I would trade a few for some lessons.
Peace out!
 8:32 AM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

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-- Basic Masonry --

I'm trying to build a wall.
I'm not sure how.
I hope I don't screw up.
Sing a budda dow.
 7:55 AM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

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*To the tune of that Frank Sinatra song*
When I was 17 I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID
My name was Bobby McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was just 17
-Homer-
 9:49 PM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

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South American drug lords resemble Medevil feudal lords. They are both weathly rulers who protect their people in exchange for the people's services. They increase their kingdoms through warfare and economics and have their own private armies. They also are always in conflict with the central government. In otherwords, they are poster boys for the state's rights capitalists, don't ya think??? If America isn't careful we may create an enemy greater than we can defend or destroy. Already I think they are a match for us. Let's just hope they don't join forces.
 10:01 PM   •   like your cut?  

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Pancake Eatery: Do you pour your syrup on the pancake or do you pour your syrup next to the pancake for dipping???

I have a psycology teacher who is trying to tell me that this is the be-all-end-all question about your identity. By the way you answer this she can tell what kind of person you are. I have the rule book right here and if you are interested I can give you a reading. Only if you are interested. This is another one of those silly personality tests. And if I had the means I would give you a digital plaque declairing what sort of Jolly Rancher you are with a description that is sure to stroke your ego. Unfortunately I am Amish and unable to use technology to that degree. How am I using a computer, you may ask, if I'm so bloody Amish? Well, this computer is made out of homemade quilts and fresh butter, so it isn't full of evil semiconductors and mind poluting microchips.
 8:06 AM   •  25 satisfied customers!!  

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Vanity of vanity. All is vanity. What profit does the wise man have over the fool? They both go to the same place - the ground.
 7:53 AM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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I am watching a 1936 version of "Last of the Mohecans." It is enough to put you to sleep.
 12:03 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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I wouldn't mind having a beaver as a pet. Or a family of beavers, if you will. Reasons: Benjamin Franklin hat, beaver jearky, novelty pet, and syrup.
 12:01 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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I guess we are all painfully aware of how Socialistic our so-called Capitalistic president really is since he put the government's grubby hands in the steel market with that big fat tariff. Maybe he doesn't claim to be capitalistic, but you would think a Republican should be in favor of a free market. Oh well, looks like there isn't much difference between the Right and the Left. Maybe we should send him a copy of "The Wealth of Nations" so he can reacquaint himself with the way a market economy works. That way he might realize that inefficient manufactures should be allowed to go bankrupt instead of prolonging their inefficiencies. If Germany and Brazil can produce steel cheaper and better than we can, then we should buy our steel from them.
 2:31 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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You know what is cool about the Lord of the Rings movie, it helps to de-criminalize the use of tobacco products. For some reason, people want to limit our freedom to smoke. Why is smoking so taboo these days? Why isn't there a crusade to keep kids off fast food, t.v. addiction, nutra-sweet, or stupidity (the number one killer)? Why single out smoking as this horable evil that we must squash? The media makes it sound like it is an undeniable fact that smoking is evil. How un-patriotic the media is! If it wasn't for tobacco the US of A might not be existing right now. And the media wants to put the tobacco flame out. For shame! We should be encouraging our youth to smoke as a tribute to the cash crop that formed the foundation of our somewhat great country.
 11:26 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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Three several times I gave him a taste of the back of mine hand. Three several times the young man defiantly told me that I am a no good elelctric donkey bottom biter.
 3:11 PM   •   like your cut?