The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

•

I think Marxism has a lot going for it. Like the idea that scarcity causes strife and the class system. But the fatal flaw (which is a similar flaw with many political ideologies, including Christian) is that theses problems are solvable by humans. Well, by the natural decendents of Adam at least.
 3:22 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

•

I wanna take a day trip to Pechanga. Anyone interested? Sounds like it might almost be fun. They tottaly renovated the place.

On a lighter note, I'm glad we don't have to say the pledge of alegience anymore. I always found it a bit too idolotrous for my blood. Plus it has those horrible nationalistic overtones that always remind me of facism.
 9:55 AM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

•

We all thought that the automatically flushing toilet was our perfect friend. Well, don't be fooled. I just met a malicious one. After I painstakingly set out my five or so toliet seat covers and made the appropriate adjustments to my trousers, the stupid toilet flushes down all my hard work. Dang!

And to add insult to injury, when I finish my boom-boom the bathroom'a automatic air freshener squirts some orange spray. The nerve. And my new shirt is one of those ones that wrinkles.
 9:14 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

My dishwasher rules. His name is Dan and he is from Minisota--times are tough there. We have him on a five year contract that can be renewed after that. It sort of works like a pre-paid phone card. He sleeps in his own RV out side and comes in to wash when ever I ring the bell. Sweet deal. And it also makes you feel good to know that you are helping the poor Minisota people at the same time. Truly a win-win situation.
 9:05 AM   •   like your cut?  

•

Truck drivers are my new found enemies. One tried to run me off the road today. A big, black, mean looking truck with war paint on tried to take my scalp. From now on I'm only going to take the train or walk. I can't handle these savages. I think we should set apart little plots of undesireable land where we can concentrate these barbarians. That'll show 'em. Let them know that the passenger car is boss in this country.
 11:52 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

18 months no interest at Best Buy this week. I went and bought the entire catalogue of Micheal Bolten -- as you all know, I celebrate the man's entire catalogue.

On a brighter note, the sting of death is gone.
 1:45 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

•

News from one of my loyal fans:

Linda from Scottsdale writes, "John, you have made my house a home. My mother-in-law's green hair was destroying my family. I turned to free-basing, my husband started cross-dressing, my oldest son started flirting with my husband, my oldest daughter joined the 4-H club, and our youngest son would only talk if we pretended we were underwater. Now that you gave her a Pat Benetar hair cut and put her is some wild leotards, our family is back to normal. Thanks John, we owe you big time."
 10:31 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

•

“Whoa” he said to my wife and stood there dumbfounded. “I don’t work here (Home Depot), I’m just helping out.” Connie wasn’t too please about being soaked with the plant-watering-only-hose. Notice it isn’t called the plant-and-people-watering-hose. Here is where I start making things up: my wife grabbed him and tore him in half, ate one half and sold the other half to the Vietnamese fast-food joint next door. I would like to apologize to any Vietnamese readers for the actions of my wife. I hope you will hold me guiltless since I had no part in these happenings.
 10:08 PM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

•

I think I'm addicted to eating. I can't stop doing it. Everyday I eat. I feel like if I didn't do it I would simply die. My friends all eat. Do you think they are a bad influence on me? I think I will try to kick my habit. I've heard the first two weeks are the hardest and then it's all down hill. I'm ready baby. I want the freedom from my dirty eating habit. And all you eaters, just keep your nasty addiction away from me or I will have to give you a sharp karate chop to the mid-section.
 5:40 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

•

How do you put digital pictures on a blog? Seth, I know you told me and I have those notes at home. But they don't do me any good here and I have some great pictures of me and Hanson at the Slick Track that I want to share with everyone.
 9:47 AM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

•

The ability to multi-task is the ability to harnes your A.D.D.
A.D.D. is not a handicap. It is the fuel of greatness.

And in case you didn't know, we all have A.D.D. to some degree.
 12:04 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

•

Olden days wern't any better than our day and age. There was no golden age when people were less bad. Nor is there any pinicle of humanity that we have fallen from. Well, all except Adam in the garden. But excluding that, man has been just as bad throughout history. The 16th century, 19th century, 20th century, it's all the same. Don't lament for the good old days. They never were. It is just a romanticised memory or projection of an era that was just as sinful as ours.
 8:35 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

•

do you use MSN Messenger? I'm signed up.
 8:15 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

•

You know what I can't stand? People who always tell you what they can't stand.

This may offend every single blogger out there, but I Don't care. I can't stand you.
 8:38 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

Plato: People do wrong because they lack the knowledge of what is good to do.
Platonic solution: Teach people what to do and they will do it.

Evangelical application preaching: teach people how to live their lives the Biblical way by telling them the steps they need to take to do X.

Redemptive-HIstorical Preaching: Telling people what to do doesn't give them the power to do it. What people need is their union with the Risen Messiah strengthened in order to receive the power to live in Him.

Irony: When application preachers accuse Redemptive-Historical preachers of being Neo-platonic.
 8:29 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

•

New hair cut. You should see me shine. Everywhere I go people ask me to bless them. Best 13 bucks I ever spent. Looks like I'm on the ballot for mayor as a write in now. BUt that is what this city needs, a clean-cut snazy lookin' fellow who will clean up this place. I promise to lower taxes, help those in need, eliminate corruption, and solve the terrible spelling problem infecting our youth. Did you know that 10 out of every 17 kids suffers from a spelling disorder. WHy? Why is the youth going down hill so fast? I'll tell you why. T.V. and pizza. I promise to eliminate these meanaces if you will vote for me, Snazy John.
 8:22 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

•

What's worse: blindly following tradition or blindly rejecting tradition?


 7:54 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

•

I was almost crushed by chickens today. No joke. I truck of chickens was right next to me. Stacks of chickes flying down the highway at 80 miles an hours. Fethers flying out like flames. For a moment I realized that my worst nightmare and greatest desire might happen at any moment: smuthered by a rubics cube of chickens. I don't know if it was a disaster barley escaped or a dream just barely missed.

WHich reminds me to remind you: chickens are not people. They are unruley sandwiches and tacos.
 10:15 PM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

•

Did you know that nobody has ever found a naturally dead bear? or a naturally dead shark? Mike-E told me this so it has to be true. He heard it from his good friend who is the national record keeper of naturally dead animals. There is a big contest right now for anyone who finds one. Not only will you get a week's vacation in Orlando, Florida, you will appear on Ally Mcbeal. The episode is going to feature you (the contest winner) sueing the Wildlife Federation for not offering suffcient health care for under-privledged bears or sharks, depending on what you find. Your case will be that until recently all bears lived forever, due to great medical care. But now that a crooked chair of the WF has limited benefits to bears of sharks we have seen a decline in eternal bears or sharks. It is going to be a truly touching episode.
 7:52 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

•

Why are we so fond of individuals? Why can't I be a regular guy and be happy? WHy must I stand-out in some area? Is being an individual the essence of happiness? Can I have fun and not be original?

I would like proof for the superioritiy of the extraordinary over the ordinary.

Plus, the Lakers won. And about rooting for sports--it is straight economics man. When your home team wins you need to think of that in terms of incresed revenue for your area, which means more jobs and a sounder local economy. That is why you need to support your local team.
 10:37 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!