The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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I'm blogging from this town near Sacramento called Penryn -a solid trip from my home. Sort of countryish but just a egg toss from Sack town. This might be one of the coolest places on earth, if it wasn't for all the Kings fans.

My wife, who happens to be here with me, is going to put some pennys on the railroad tracks so as to get big, flat pennies. She says they increase fertility. Oh crap, I gotta go, she's getting yelled at by some of the locals. They never laid eyes on a Pacific Islander before. Now the're trying to take her purse. "Hey you! Yeah you with the PeterBuilt hat. Why don't you pick on someone your own size. Yeah that's what I thought. Just go back home and finish that case of Olympia your mother started drinking this morning." Man, I can't stand women like that.

Greetings from Penryn, CA.
 4:12 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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The international street fair in Orange is this weekend and I'm going to miss it. Will someone go and eat a sausage and have a beer for me? I would really appreciate it.

In other breaking news, I'm going through a mid-life crisis. I just bought a bunch of crome trim to add to my car, bought a pair of loafers I plan on wearing with out socks. They look sweet with a pair of pleated kacky shorts with a hawiian shirt tucked in, both of which I bought in abundance. I'm changing my name to Trucker. I bought some burning albums to play while I drive with the top down: Boston, Air Supply, REO Speed Wagon and Journey. Ladies, I'm sad to announce I'm taken. I know I'm making my wife the enemy of every single woman who crosses my path. Well, all I can say is it is ruff being 26.
 3:23 PM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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Having a pet turtle is like having a pet grandpa. Anyone have a female tourtoise? I wanna make tourtois babies. I wish my tourtoise would cudle up with me while I watch TV.
 5:35 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Point of business: anyone who looks to the Puritans as a model for decency and order, upholding of traditions and enforcing civil law forgets that they overthrew their government and cut off a king's head, something that was only done by those who are devoid of respect for good old fashioned government. They were liberals and radicals, not the poster children of preserving rich traditions.

Second Point of business: Feminists who try to prove their liberation by becoming more masculine confess that the male gender is supperior. The truly liberated female is the one who preserves her feminity while maintaining her liberation. Examples: A butch female basketball player is saying, "I want to be a man." or "Men are the only ones who can be manley." Strong feminane females are a greater testimony to the equality of the sexes.
 12:18 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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I gambled with the big boys this weekend at Pechanga -- the greatest Indian Reservation Cacino in Riverside. Texas Hold 'um no limit. It was a tournament. I was a stud. Went with Blake. Gonna go again. Will have even more of a blast. You in? Thought so.

And to add to my exciting life, I went to a big fat mediteranian wedding this weekend. Hung with Trouble and his wife. Left early.I was tired. Had to work the next morning. But there was an open bar. Tried an apple martini. Rather stick with a Beefeater straight-up martini. But as President Bush always says, "When it's free, try all the things you wouldn't normally pay for."
 9:58 AM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

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Brian, my turtle, is an escape artist. Who would have known that turtles were so endowed! In response I have fortified my turtle bunker. I made a moat around the wall and filled it with chlorine. I lined the moat with broken glass and spiders. If this doesen't work I'm going to make soup out of the guy. It is for his own good. If he gets out some summer-vacation-Jr.-High-school-brat will find him and fill his shell with M-80s and other horrible experiments. If you were a turtle wouldn't you rather become soup for your loving master rather than a few kicks for sadistic youngsters? I know I would.
 11:26 AM   •  10 satisfied customers!!  

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Anyone up for a little 1987 SNL? I just got the tape and am itchin to watch. I love the years with Phil Hartman, John Luvitz, Tooncis, Lieing Man, Anoying Man, Church Lady. Are you ready? Than come on over and let's have a blast.
 10:19 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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"Where is my grandma?"
"She went to get more beer."


And, today you get a list of three great words: grouchy, grumpy and cranky. I love these words and don't use them nearly enough. The fact that us humans experience these 'moods' makes my day.

And last but not least we are the proud parents of a desert tortouse. I named him Brian. A dog ate his mom so a friend sent Brian to us for refuge. I've been working with Brian on his attack maneuvers. I'm making him all mean and tough so that he will send robbers running in fear. He came with a great mean bark like a german shepard but is a little weak in locking his jaws around intruders' necks. Just give me six months and he will be ready for anyone and anything.
 4:26 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Not real impressed with Horton's new book, "Covenant and Escatology." I agree with the two-age cosmology, redemptive-historical hermenutic and amilenialist escatology, but the book fails to excite me. An example of a problem I have with the book: he presents Nietzche as rejecting the noumenal rhelm leaving only the phenomenal rhelm. Why do I have a problem with this? One, this leaves no distinction between Hume and Nietzche, which I think they both would say there is. Two, is Nietzche rejecting the noumenal rhelm of Kant? I'm not even sure that Nietzche accepts the metaphysical and epistomological system of Kant. But Horton frames Nietzche in Kantian categories. Horton uses the same categories for various philosophers (if you can call Nietzche a philosopher) and I'm not convinced that this is very helpful. Maybe I should read some Nietzche. But he isn't usually considered a philosopher in any serious sense. Instead he is more of the Voltaire type--intellectual but not really engaged in serious philisophical discussion.

It is little things like this that make me unhappy with the book. Hopefully I will enjoy it more when he focuses on theology instead of philosophy -- as I always say, stick with your strengths.
 3:14 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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Nothing is the best. I arrived at this through a few avenues.

1) asked myself: what is better than time off? answer: nothing. What tastes better than chocolate? nothing. What sounds better than having a servant? nothing. etc etc.

2) I also came to this conclusion when I realized I have nothing to do tonight and I got real excited. The thoght of doing nothing thrills me. So I concluded that nothing is a good thing. Than I said, "Well, what is better than nothing? And I answered: nothing. So there is the proof that nothing is the best.
 5:52 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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I signed up for two classes this fall at CSUF. I'm not sure I can do two classes while I work full time. I'm a bit rusty at the whole 'school' thing. But I do have renewed vigor to get my MA so I can teach at a JC. It sounds like such a sweet job. Plus, it cost the same weather I take one or two classes. I figure I should get the most bang for my buck.

Swesterday?
 2:40 PM   •   like your cut?  

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Sitting by a window is key in the office. And now I am one of those lucky dudes.

And another thing, I want everyone to know that I am still sitting by the window.

And, there was a thought that was in my mind and I intended on putting it here for you. But I lost it. And to make matters worse, I forgot to put my name on it. So now if someone else finds it (which happens a lot to my lost ideas) they will get the benefit of the thought and I won't get any credit for it. Blast! Shoot! Ka-boom! I must remember to label my ideas so that if lost, and when found, they can be returned to me. In case you see any good ideas that aren't yours and don't seem to have an owner, please contact me first so I can tell you if it was mine or not. We are on the honor system and I expect you to play fair. Cheaters never prosper.
 3:24 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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I went to the happiest place on earth today: TIAJUANA!!!! Hip-Hip-Horray. Besides the cheap food and beer, I had heroin shoved in my face by some guy saying, "Smell this (holding little black ball of tar up to my nose)! Smell this! Don't you want to buy!"

Needless to say we (me and Matt) got all wacked up on cheeva and had a great time relaxing with one of those donkeys painted like a zebra. Well, it is all true except for the part about getting wacked out on the cheeva; we just tried to ignore the guy. Oh, and we didn't relax with the donkey painted like a zebra; we just tried to ignore the guy.
 3:22 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Beware of good stewarship. Christianity is not about improving the quality and duration of your life hear. By 'your life' I mean all aspects of life that are enjoyable: family, health, finances, career, etc. Instead it requires us to give from our account of these things for others. From here I am going to pick on Crown Ministries - or at least what I know of it. Crown Ministries theory revolves around financial soundness and preservation of individual capital for sustained economic stability. Sounds attractive. This is done under the mantle of 'good stewardship.' Paul, my favorite personal finance guru, seems to disagree. Take 2 Corinthins for example (I think chapter 8 or so). Instead of saving up for your future and seting aside an amount that won't disrupt your personal goals for charity, Paul recomends giving all that is extra to those who don't have enough (in the church, that is, not just to extinguish poverty throughout the world) in order that when you don't have enough others who do will take care of you. Sort of flys in the face of an American pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps-I'm-going-to-do-it-myselfism. Let's see this 'good stewardship' as an offshoot of modern home financial theory and practice rather than Biblical financial planning. The definition for Biblical Financial Planning: Give to others even what you need to live on.

All I can say to this sort of advise is: 'WOW' Sort of the same thing I say when I see what Christ did for me.
 10:04 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Russ mentioned the ledgend of Thomas Edison who took naps holding a ball so that when the ball droped he would wake up and get back to work. I heard the same uban ledgend of B. Franklin and that he used a cue ball or something larger. I think this stems from the American ideal of hard work and inventivness. These stories, whose truth is always secondary to the moral, are the ingredients for a ledgend. B. Franklin, T. Edison, H. Ford, Eventually all these ledgends will blend and there will be a tall tale of a hero-worker who went from rags to riches, took the ball-waking-power-naps, etc. But the american hero-worker is a tragic ledgend. Notice how in all our hero-worker ledgends there is seldom, if ever, a legacy. The children of the hero-worker, if he even becomes a family man, never maintain the legacy. Makes me shy away from embracing the american hero-worker ideal. I'll stick with Thor or Odysyuss.
 4:06 PM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

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Knowing the future is a great skill. Seems like I always try to increase my fortune telling, but to no avail. I think it is in my best interest, and yours, to give up the pursuit.

Anyone for tennis? Wouldn't that be nice?
 9:47 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Solutions are great. They sort of work like magic. But you know what I would rather have than all the solutions? No problems.

How can I maximize my nap-taking?


 2:46 PM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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Score! I found two pair of California pants at a garage sale this weekend. They are uber-ugly. My halloween costume is coming alive. Next I need some Oakley razor blades. Anyone got some? And a floresant green Gecko t-shirt, or one of those "This is your brain on summer vacation" or "Moster Truck Ralley VIII" shirts. I am going to try and grow a SFLB and a little pathetic mustache. I can't wait. Does anyone want to be my twin? I have two pairs of pants.

On a lighter note, I'm tired.
 9:01 AM   •   like your cut?  

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Opened the bathroom door and there is a woman hiding in there. Why was she hiding from me? I'm just a real estate appraiser. We were all a bit embaresed. The owner said, "Oh yeah, I got a chick in the bathroom."

On a brighter note, I'm going to Norco today and will be two doors down from Glaus from the Angels. Anyone want an autograph? Me either, he's in a slump right now.
 10:25 AM   •  7 satisfied customers!!