The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

•

I got a pair of shoes. I havn't worn shoes in at least four months. Now I'm wearing them again. And you know what, that's, . . OK. And gosh darn it, people like me.

And, as if you didn't know, I'm planning on sleeping tonight. Isn't that a hoot! For a while I was on the night watch for out neighborhood watch program. I would stand on me roof with an air rifle, night googles and some animal crackers. Never once saw any hoolagins. I'm more bummed about that than you would think because I bought a special hoolagin stamp so as to make a line of stamps on the side of my house for every hoolagin I gave a bloody ear. Now I just hope the ink doesn't dry up in the stamp before it is my turn again.
 5:07 PM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

•

If I've seen it once, I've seen it ten-thousand times. That's right, I, again, have seen a man with nine nipples!!!! He was dealing cards at this "raise awarness for the overweight people" thing at the Irvine community center. Next thing I know he says, "Hey, you guys want to see something weird?" At that moment I knew what was coming. He unbuttons his shirt and there they are, nine little pepperonies. I slapped my fore-head and let out a big "Oy-Vay" and wandered over to the ring toss. Won my lady a nice Ragedy-Anne doll and a few Winston ashtrays. Yeah, you could say life is going well for me right now.
 3:08 PM   •   like your cut?  

•

life is so expensive you can use all money on it. Dang!

Well, we got a new car. A Ford, of all things. A Ford Explorer. We got one of those ones you see addvertised in the paper. I can't belive they acctually had one of those on the lot. Tottally stoked. I can already ride a wheelie down the street on it. We are setting up a jump in the vacant lot next door. Wanna come?

And last but certainly not least, I think I'll eat an apple today. But there is a strong possiblility I might not. Depends on a number of issues that are not worth explaining, . . . unless, of course, you are really, really interested.


Are you ?
 11:33 AM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

•

Isn't it ironic that Bush, a "republican", is asking for more presidential power, and the "democrats" are trying to limit the president's power. Isn't this a reversal of roles? Since when are the 'right' asking for a strong central government and the 'left' looking to break-up the central governmnet's power? I tells ya, Bush is more of a true Democrat than I think we all expected. Man, we got to vote Libraterian.

Fire is the third most popular way to die in the home, a recent study concludes.

And last but not least, I'm 110 today. I never thought I would get that old. And I'm still vice-president of the lower-Oakland roller derby legue! At 110! How do you like them apples Lucy Dingal!!! I feel so young and free!!! Like I can take on the world!!!! Better learn from the Llama and watch out before I get crapped on.
 10:26 AM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

•

The Chevelle is busted! Connie was driving it on the freeway and the hood blew open, smashed the winshield, and busted the roof. DANG!!! I hope insurance covers it. I have been wanting to get a new car for Connie to drive because the Chevelle isn't all that safe. Well now we don't have a choice. What shall we get? Connie will be driving it so I'm giving her the choice, that I narrowed down of course. A Nissan X-Terra, Pathfinder, Frontier, Altima or Maxima. I think she likes the X-Terra.

Anyone want to buy a '67 Chevelle- new interior, 327 engine -- the drive train is basically new. I'll get all the repairs before I sell it, of course.
 10:01 AM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

•

The little pieces of skin at the threshold of my fingernail frew off. Is this because I don't get enough calcium? It is so ulgy I can't stand to be me. I just want to die! I stayed home from work all last week just because I'm so attrociously hideous to look at. I think I'm going to get my fingers cut off and have them replaced with carrot sticks.

So how's your week been?
 10:00 AM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

•

I had a dream. Facinating, isn't it. Can you imagine the posibility of me, Johnny T, having a dream on a Thrusday night!! Preposterous. And to think that the magic Gennie put a spell on me that would eliminate all Thursday night dreams. I wonder is the spell wore off? Or if the Gennie died? Oh well, all I care about is that I get to dream on Thrusday nights again. Last night I was rolling along in the big donut. Then there came a snake wearing a vest . . .
 9:12 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

Wild animals are cool -- they can crap where ever they want and no one can stop them. I'm primarily thinking of birds. They are the true hippies.
 7:17 PM   •  12 satisfied customers!!  

•

There is a strain of Van Tillian Presupasitionalism that seems more like evidentialism. It goes like this: take your opponent's arguments and show how his position is self-contradictory, self-defeating and unsupportable. Than you show them how Christianity is self-consistent and self-supporting. Thus you prove the truth of Christianity. Clearly a Choherentist epistomoly. Thus the Hegelian charge is rightfully leveled against this strain of pre-suppasitionalism. But I would like to give in an additional label: modified deconstrutionism or apologetic deconstructionism. And I mean this in a good way. All positions can be impailed by their own betard except one - our beautiful religion. But, as we all know, even these sort of evidences can't convert. That's why it is purly an intellectual entertainment for those who like to boast in these things. For me, I prefer the foolishness of the cross.
 12:52 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

•

Few items of note:
1) Three cheers for kitchen sicciors.
2)Dane, I'm still using that big block of cheese.
3) Sam Colridge is a pretty cool guy, and not just because he was a opium freak.
and 4) nothing is better entertainment for a lonely lunch than People's Court.
 12:28 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

•

An extended life on this earth isn't good enough for me.

If you deal with people via receipe-type relationship tecniques, you are bound to come off as fake or insincere. At least to me. I guess there are a lot of people out there that dig that sort of stuff.
 3:25 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

Let's get philisophical. Me and you, we will go to a coffee shop and talk about reality and morals and try to quote Nitzche and Sarte. Bring your baret and I'll bring my striped shirt and scarf. We'll chain smoke cigarettes and look down at people who are having low-brow conversations. How does that sound?

Also, I like to shower in the dark. It is so much more relaxing. Lights bother me. I keep my eyes close during a shower anyways, for modesty's sake.
 2:28 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

Bush is getting on my nerves. I so hope he doesn't go to war on Iraq without the UN's support. I definatly wouldn't elect him again if he did, I think. America should not think that it is above the would government and should yeild to the wisdom of the rest of the world. A pre-emptive war is still an aggessive war and is not a defensive war.
 12:48 PM   •  10 satisfied customers!!  

•

I don't usually glory in others misfortune, but I must admit I am a bit pleased about the Martha Stewart scnadal. I know she's not proven guilty yet. But the whole idea of her involved in insider trading just makes me a bit giddy. Is it because the whole 'wholsome housewife be-like-me' image is horably stained now? Maybe. Can't quite put my finger on it.
 6:21 PM   •   like your cut?  

•

Check out www.nugs.net for some cool music. You can listen to live shows from Medenski, Martin and Wood, Phish, The Greatful Dead, and other cool Jam bands. Very stinkin' cool my friends.
 5:59 PM   •   like your cut?  

•

Today we remember the terrorist attacks. What a bummer that this happened, huh? I guess America isn't immune to the effects of the curse laid on mankind because of Adam.

On the lighter side of things, I think I'm going to buy myself a new pair of shorts.
 10:14 AM   •   like your cut?  

•

William Wordsworth sucks too.


 12:57 PM   •  10 satisfied customers!!  

•

God bless Iraq!


 7:00 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

What am I doing at work so long for? And on a Friday night, of all nights! Am I really getting to be such a bump on a log?

Resolution to overcome old-guy boring life: Get a flat top.
Resolution two: Start calling people 'boss' or 'guy' to act like I'm cool and in charge. As we all know, perception is reality. And, if you act a certain way you will become that way. I want to be cool.
Resolution three: stop blogging and go home.
 6:17 PM   •   like your cut?  

•

I think I'm going to take up preditcting the past. So far I've fared pretty well.

William Blake sucks.

And last but not least, I'm going to start refering to myself in the thrid person. Starting . . . now.

Just for an example of his new regieme, he will speak for a little bit to give you a feel for what it will sound like. His name is John. He likes Carne Asada and Horchata (which he had today with Nolan). He wishes he could stop working and be independantly weathly. He would like to spend his days making the rooms of his house look funny. He thinks the essence of cool lies in self-mockery. His reasons for that is he believes that everyone is stupid and can be made fun of. To beat others to the punch is key. To pretend like you aren't a crap-ball is to be a cheif crap-ball and makes yourself vulnerable to attacks from aggressive crap-balls. He wishes he didn't decide to refer to himself in the thrid person.
 6:30 PM   •   like your cut?  

•

Getting a root canal today. Cripes DM! Gonna cost me 4 big ones. That's my pinball money! Than I'm gonna have to get a crown, about another 4 big ones. Instead of a crown I'm gonna just shove a Chicklet up there. Or maybe I'll be patriotic and shove a little piece of wood up there, like out good friend George Washington.

Attention all inventors, we need a device to record our memories and play them for audiences.
 9:02 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

•

Today is one of those days where I start to belive in the whole male PMS thing. For some reason I want to curl up in my sock draw and sleep for weeks. Ever feel that way? Ever feel like pulling your penial glad out through your nose with a pair of aligator tongs? Me either. Whoever does needs to see a professional. See a professional to get that done, that is. Don't try that alone. That very procedure is the reason I'm an only child. Poor brother Jack; he had so much promise.
 2:10 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!