The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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Halloween has been de-fanged! Look around and giggle at all the halloween decorations. They are silly, not scary: Jack-o-lanterns with cross eyes and goffy grins, witches smashed into a tree or garage, ghosts that are more scared than scarry, cute little purring black cats with orange ribbons. Hallmark has taken the Hell out of Halloween and turned it into another event to put in a creative memories notebook. Martha Stewart has turned it into a new way to express your mock-creativity. The only scary thing about Halloween these days is threat of getting sued by crap-face parents for giving their kid a tummy ache. So this year I'm handing out scrabled eggs, since the Supreme Court ruled that cholestoral poisening due to eggs cannot be grounds of a law suit in the watershed case of Hernandez v. Univeristy of Michigan.
 1:20 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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We are confused. Do you know that? We are. And we will be. And it won't stop. And wars will not cease. And death will not miss a beat. And enemies will not seek peace. And spelling errors will not cease. And even America isn't immune to it. That's right, America is just another cog in the big wheal of crap. We are not a special people with a special purpose and a special place. The more Bush and all the loonies think so the more they prove that they are confused. God confused them. God confused us. God will continue to confuse all of us.

What we need is a new creation that is free from the unmovable grips of this curse, because this creation will never, never, never pry God's angry hands off of it. The more hope you have of that, the more confused you are. I'm just glad that there is a man, Jesus the Christ, God in the flesh, who gave me citizenship in the new earth. So for now I can speak peace to my heart while I see this earth burn itself out by people who want to fix it.
 9:08 AM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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Saying crappy things sucks. I do it all the time. Then memories of the crappy things I say, or do, haunt me. And I go insane. And I curl up in my sock draw and sleep for days. Here in lies the value of amusements - to distract oneself from their crappieness. I think Plato said this first. Except he worded it like this: "your crappy, so do something mindless and fun so you don't have to dwell on you poopie nature." He was always talking in this lofty, ivory tower philosophical language, so don't worry if you find him too difficult to understand. Just mull it over a while and it will eventually make sense.
 3:48 PM   •   like your cut?  

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When I have nothing to blog I feel like a cricket. It sucks. Makes me want to puke.
 8:51 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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My locker code: 23 - 1 - 44

Nothink quite like the smell of burning teeth.

Did I ever tell you how much I am against compolsory education?

It is a good day for beer.

Go Angels!

Invest in Nevada real estate. When they legalize bud, which they are voting on this Novemeber, property values will increase, as will all the local economy.
 4:45 PM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

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I'm getting a crown for my tooth today. $600 more. I'm irrate! I want all fake teeth so I don't get cavities, don't get pain, don't get fillings, etc. That, and a bionic arm and I would be set.
 12:14 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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What is wrong with big chain coffee shops like Starbucks? Some people, even good friends of mine, prefer independent or small chain coffee shops. I detect a bit of anti-big-chain-ness. Why? I base it on the taste, and, well, I just think the big S tastes better.

I have started using two q-tips each day instead of one. Yes, q-tip quality counts. We have cheapies right now and I have had to double my dose. Next thing you know I will have to double that, and then another double. Where will it stop! How do I kick my q-tip jones? Man, there is nothing more depraved than a man in the grips of a q-tip binge, and I knew we would get into that rotten stuff sooner or later.
 5:09 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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This world is a whore. Every blooming flower is a temptation. Every dying flower is a prophesy.
 1:09 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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Business owners are the new feuadal lords. And this isn't a bad thing. In a way, the feudal system isn't all that bad. With communication and transportation so effective, feudal lords now have to sweeten the package in order to attract and keep the best subjects. We now have a new and improved feudal system and I'm happy about that. We just need to keep the king, or central governing power in check. This is the socialistic tendency. This is why Lords and Kings were in conflict in the Middle Ages and this is why business owners and a socialistic government are at odds today. Do you see the similarities? I sure do. And frankly, I'm on the side of the Feudal Lords because the king, or centralized government with ultimate power becomes an oppressive force to be feared. Division of power is the key to reduced oppresion. Do not concentrate power into one governing body! That is an order if you care about your life and those you love.
 9:46 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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It's too easy to critizise the world. It is like shooting ducks in a barel. I'm kind of getting tired of it. But you know what I'm getting more tired of, people who pretend to sound real smart for critisizing the world. It's like, big whoop!

But I guess I'm guilty of this critisism since I just did what I said I'm tired of people doing. I guess what I'm really trying to say is I'm tired of myself. Dang, that sucks! I guess I'll have to get a new hair cut and do some shopping so I can be a new, different person.

You know what guys, I think I just figured out the impetus of femal image obsession -- they don't like who they are and use shopping and hair cuts to change who they are. Too bad an image change doesn't change the inside of a person. Sorry ladies.
 11:22 AM   •   like your cut?  

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Facial hari strategy: I'm groing a mustache for halloween. But I disguiseing my M with a Goat-T while it grows. Pretty tricky, huh? I'm not much of a facial hair guy and I really don't like having the goat-t. But we all got to make sacrifices for halloween and I'm not going to chicken out.
 5:27 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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What ever happened to Mayor McCheese (the McDonalads charachter who has a giant cheeseburger head)? We see Grimice again. We see Hamburgler every now and again. We even see that Bird Girl. I want to see Mayor McCheese real bad.
 11:52 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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Bum is such a poor word for our homeless citizens. I prefer the term Hobo or Wine-o. Why have these labels gone out of vogue? They got so much pizzaz.

And Boooo on the Twins, they should know not to win any games against the Angels.
 3:10 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Still a charter member of the I'm-out-of-ideas-club. I'm trying to gain membership in to the chock-full-o-grand-ideas-club but they keep me out due to my lack of a portfulio of good ideas. What to do? Sue, my alter ego, suggested that I subscribe to one of those ideas online deals and just sign my name to the best ones. Well, you know what, the grand-idea club liked Sue's idea so much they let her in. To add insult to injury they gave me a stern warning that if I dared use Sue's idea I would be forever banned from their club and sent to Nigeria. "They have the power to do that?" I said to my neice Baily in a private conversation, the contents of which I cannot even hint at. She replied, "write your congressman." Briliant, I thought. So I wrote "Big Mr. Congressman at Fat Cat Boulevard" on the cover of the envelope. Do you think that is tacky? I thought he would get a kick out of it and ask me over for some nachos. Instead I got a postcard from him saying, "Yes, they can do that." Oh well, guess I better get comffy here in the out-of-ideas reading room, I'm gonna be here for a while.
 1:31 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Today is just one of those days. You know the sort: the sun rises, you get up, eat some Life, jump in your car, head down to San Diego, snap a few photos, wish you were independently wealthy, drive back, get annoyed with Dr. Laura and Rush Limbaugh and Prez. Bush, go home, eat a bannana, go to the office and blog about bloging after you run down the days events. Just one of those days. But, on a more interesting note, I am finishing up my six week intensive course on x-ray vision, so I go that going for me.
 2:11 PM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

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Today is the first Friday of the week and I am soo o o grateful. One, because I get to go record shopping tomorrow at the garage sales. Haven't done that in a while. Two, because I think I will treat myself to some yummy Shiner Bock tonight. And last but not least, I get to, um do other things besides work for the next two days. And that, my friends, is swell. It is so swell it is swolen.

Take it easy, and if it's easy, take two.
 9:30 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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My psyco-analytical analysis of "Home Improvement." By: Johnny T

Tim the tool-time Taylor man is one half a man. His other half is his neighbor whose name I think is like Nelson or something. We will call him Nelson. Every episode Tim consults with Nelson accross the fence. Nelson's advice is listened to and everything works out. In these consulting moments Tim takes on a grunting voice -- very animal-like and primitive. Nelson, only eyes and wisdom, talks highly and authoritatively. Tim is the Id. Nelson is the Super-Ego. The fence is symbolic of the ego. These consulting momemnt, though taking place in the backyard of Joe middleclass in Anytown, USA, is really a demonstration of a Freudian psycology. Interesting, no?
 6:08 PM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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Apples and oranges can be compared. I really don't like that saying. They are both fruit, roughly one serving, round, come from trees, rot after a while, etc. Some phrases should be buried, and that is one of them. And as the Dane pointed out long ago, "begging the question" should be buried too. Too many people have redefined the phrase to mean, "brings up this question" when all educated people know it really means you are asuming what you are trying to prove. I know the Dane went over this before, but I just heard it misussed again.
Phrases. Phooey! What are they good for? Absolutly nothing! Say it again. I said "Phrases. Phooey!."
 2:02 PM   •   like your cut?  

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On a scale of 1 to 10, rate these noises:
1) My mom yelling at you
2) oranges weeping
3) fat men sending their soup back
4) Boys to Men
5) Me, Johnny T, asking for a few favors.

In late breaking news, I'm digesting a few 69 cent bean burritos. How about you?
 11:54 AM   •  14 satisfied customers!!