The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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Do you ever just want to go home?


But on a lighter note, I had some strange dreams last night. I was on a bike going up and down a big hill. And all these people I sort of know were around me doing the same thing. The funny thing about the dream is that while I am in the midst of it, it is a memory. Do you see what I mean? I mean part of the dream is the sensation that I am having a memory of the dreamt event -- as if the event happened at some point in the past and now I'm remembering it, even though it is totally fabricated and I am dreaming, not remembering it.
So I asked my friend Kenny, who is a dream interpreter of the Stars (Hollywood, that is) what this all means. He said the bike symbolizes a two wheeled short-distance transportation device and I represent myself. The hill is a large mass of land that has a sharp incline and the other people are other life forms like myself who are in the same visinity I am in, which explains why I see them.
At this point in our session I started to cry. The fragmented pieces of my life started fussing together and I had a deep understanding of who I was.
Kenny put his arm gently around my shoulders, helped me to my feet and whispered, "Johnny, you've had a breakthrough. Good for you. Now will you see yourself out to the door. Denzel is waiting for his session and technically your on his time right now. Don't forget to make the check out to "Grand Kenny Inc." and hand it to Suzette on your way out."

 8:36 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Have a good thanks-givin y'all. If you have no where to go and nothing to do, come by my wife's parent's house and we will show you a good time. Direction are on the back of this flyer.


 3:47 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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De-evolution, by Johnny T

Based on the evidence for evolution, why don't people conclude that a long time ago people de-evolved from the grand human species to a more savage, primative animal-man?
I'll tell you why, because people still have this silly notion of progress; people are still optomistic. The theorys of progress and optimism color so-called scientific studies. The evidence alone means nothing. Scientists must, MUST add their own philosophy of life to the evidence to draw any conclusions.
Moral of the story: next time someone speaks highly of the purity of scientific pursuits, don't be afraid to give them a big hardy laugh, pat them on the back and say, "my poor deluded friend."


 9:38 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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He said, "I still believe in that old rubish that a gentleman should try to make everyone around him feel as comfortable as possible. The irony is that I make people uncomfortable by trying to make them comfortable." That's when I told him he needs to be part of the old landed class whose sole occupation was manners. Than I got a bit envious of the landed classes and wondered how one arranged to be born in one of those families.


 5:18 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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In case you pop in here on the weekend --- in case you stinking pop your filthy half-eaten head on my pristine site this noisy weekend ---- in case you decide to pay my happy site a little visity-poo this fine weekend ----- in case you and yours get in mine this fine weedend ------ in the happenstance that you appeare in, with and around the site that soley belongs to he who types this which you read -------- in case, just in case, in the freaky case that you, you, you are, or will be, in the vicinity of that which I can say, that I can speak or think without guile is mine and mine alone I want you to know, to know, to know ---that--- I - will - be - ( ) - and you won't be able to turn me back.


I'll see you on Monday or Tuesday. Till then, keep your feet on the ground and the skin around your head.


 4:05 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Help with the movie, "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf." I liked it and didn't really know what was going on. Any help will be appreciated with a special gift. That's right, for a limited time you can enter to win the Thanks for the Help Ode written by your very own Johnny T!!!!!! Yes, you understood it right. If you can help me with "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" starring Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, than I will write you a thank you ode. How does that sound?
I think I'm going to enter myself, because I really want an ode for me by me.
I hope I win.
 10:36 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Great side-effects of the holidays, by Johnny T.

I like the holidays. The first thing that pops into my head are words that don't get enough play in everyday life. But thanks to Holidays I remember them and now am determined to use them. 'Turkey' is a great word. I promise to call people who do annoying things in a cute way a "turkey". I want to say, "Uncle Charlie, your such a turkey!" Another word that doesn't get enough play is 'deck'. I want to say, "Mom, if you don't give me a really good present, I'm going to deck you." Last but not least is yule log. I remember my aunt Sally saying, "No one go to the toilet for a while. I just planted a yule log in there and the wall paper is curling." That led to my grandparents calling everyone 'yule-log-face' and saying, "don't (tickle, mock, yell at, pinch) me, or I'll plant a yule-log right in your lap." I promise to use these words more often in honor of our holidays.
 11:57 AM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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Again! This morning is one of those mornings, if you know what I mean. You know, one of those mornings were you feel like you were supposed to finish a Virginia Woolf story and you only got half-way through. You didn't fail to finish because you didn't like the story -- O contrare! You really enjoyed it, but you just got too tired and had a hankering for a quick game of Age of Empires 2 -- you just love being the Byzentines, don't you! Then you wake up and wish you finished the last 30 pages of the story before you went to bed. Don't you hate those mornings? I know I do. I think we need to pass a measure or proposition to protect children and the underprivledged from these sort of mornings.
 9:05 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Newspapers need help. All the writers for the Orange County Register are pun addicts. Puns suck. Why do the newspapers pick writers who use puns as if they are a stylish method for simultanously amusing and informing the public? They need help. Please write your congressman and ask them to stop the crimes disguised as wit. Without swift action we all will become infected with the disease and possibly start speaking in puns as if it is normal and healthy. That will be the day I become a hermit.
 9:08 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Enjoy the weekend.
 3:57 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Anyone like Yeats? I think I might say I do.

We recorded Chris Levens singing last night. Truly a great experience. I think the guy is going to become famous.
 9:01 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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By-passed coffee again today. What is wrong with me? I'll tell ya. I'm tired of the same old thing and I need a new drug. So I'm thinking of picking up free-basing in the morning to get me going. Anyone have a glass stick they don't need any more?

What? You don't think that is a good idea? Why? You think it will be too expensive? Well, what else could I do to help me get the lead out? If you don't give me a good alternative to coffee I will just stop waking up, and none of us want that.
 8:49 AM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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Fell alseep to two James Bond movies this weekend. I thought I would like them and just got board and tired. Moral of the story: stick with cartoons.

Also today is that day where we all need a big fat kick in the tush to get the blood circulating. I by-passad coffee this morning and am now realizing that my addiction isn't a cute little exageration -- it is the real thing: I can't see straight, my nose is running, my stomach is in knots, I got the fast-track Sallies, and I can only speak in Old Icelandic. Fortunatly for you I can still write in English (sort of). And just when you thought things couldn't get worse, I realize my wife has the day off and I got to drive all over So Cal! The nerve! Welp, gotta getta goin'. Enjoy your wine!
 9:48 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Hot Chocolate is a candidate for the national patriotic drink award. I think it should win. I mean, what non-alcoholic beverage has inspired more heroism than hot chocolate? What made Gorge Washington pose for that boat picture in the dead of winter? The prospect of getting a hot glass of hot chocolate when he was done! What inspired Grover Whashington to do all that stuff with peanuts? That's right, his shortage of hot chocolate in the warm summer months drove him insane. Time fails me to speak of Booker T. Whasington, Grover Cleaveland, Oliver North and Boyz to Men. If you can, vote for it. As Plato always said, "Jimminy, I sure could use a cup of hot chocolate."
 5:13 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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Do you sleep to music?
 5:08 PM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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Sleeping is one of the greatest things. I think I'm addicted to it. It's like I got to have it every day or I go crazy. And this isn't that mild mental sort of addiction, like video games and pot, it is the real thing - a physical addiction, like heroin. But you know what, I don't want to stop. No way, no how. It feels soooo goooooood. Oh, just the thought of laying my heavy head upon my soft pillow and pulling up the covers and closing my eyes . . . . , sorry I can't finish this blog, I've got to go and, uh, well, you know. And I'm not ashamed of it.
 11:35 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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When you stand up do you a) immediately adjust the back bottom hem of your shirt, b) eventually adjust the back bottum hem of your shirt, c) don't even think about it, d) other? How you answer this tells me alot about you.
If (a) then you are 1) self centered, thinking that everyone is looking at you all the time. 2) not confident about your appearance. In your own oppinoin of yourself you can be either good looking or common and minor modifications can push you over the line either way.
If you didn't answer (a) than I can't say anything much about you because the rest of the manual was eaten by sharks. So I will let you make up your own interpretation.
I will tell you this,
 2:08 PM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

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When I get my RV you better belive that I am going to have a stately muiral of an Elephant in a dry African plain. What better portrays one's acheivement of the American dream?
 1:59 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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I want to start my own country.

Vote for LA sussecion (or how ever you spell that) if you can.

And last but not least, I think I'm ready for a, uh . . . . . something enjoyable.
 8:20 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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Anyone want to migrate up to Northern California with me? Maybe in a few years, if you like. Right outside Sacramento is the destination. It is cheeper to live up there but you still get nice mild California wheather.

In other breaking news, Disneyland is hosting me tomorrow. I'm going to laugh like a kid and have more fun than I ever did. I can play! I can do it my way! At Dis-ney-la-and, where a kid can be a kid. Wanna come? It is only about a thousand doll hairs. I'm going for $15 and I get lunch to boot! Jealous? Thought so. The bummer part about it: I don't really enjoy the palce. I would rather be sailing.
 12:27 PM   •  11 satisfied customers!!