The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

•

What was it?

Ah yes, it is difficult to recognize that you are disposable. You, my good friend, are not important. Yes, there will be relatively few who will moarn your passing (I think that is why they are called relatives) but you know what, they will get on with their life. You know why? Because they will be alive and you will be dead. The world as a whole will notice your death as much as you notice the death of one of your own brain cells. Hard to believe, huh? I know. Don't be decieved -- you are not special. Being unique does not mean special.

Sorry to break this to you. But you needed to hear this. No sense living a lie.

Perhaps our love of thinking we are significant is why we enjoy entertainment that has to do with people who make a difference. When is the last time you watched a show about a guy who worked for fourty years as the night watchman at a cranberry silo? Yes, even our entertainment is against us.
 2:17 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

•

Why did music turn to leather in the '80s? Were we as music lovers crying for something tougher and meaner in our music? Wish I was there so I could better understand the emotions behind the music. I was listening to Donavan this morning and thought, "How did the general public get sick of this kind of music? Why would they want Judas Priest and AC-DC?" And I was marveling at the change that happened at the end of the '70s and early '80s. A friend of mine who I saw over the holiday is getting into old heavy metal -- it is sort of in a mocking way and sort of not. Looking at his old stuff made me wonder a lot about this subject.
 9:51 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

•

Unexplainable: I am into Xmas (or Christmas as some prefer to call it) this year.
Odd: haven't been into the -mas since toys were a great joy and filled my living room. Now I actually am tingly inside.
Possible Reason: work is light. Yes that is right, time off is now the happiest, coolist, raddest thing I can get. I have like a month of really light work. Hip- Hip- Horry!

I am going to the biggest little city in the world next week. Yep, you guessed it: Reno! Me Grand-ma-ma lives there. Me and me wife are going to travel there. Time to play some craps. Reno is a cool place. Reason: It reminds me that I really, really love California and that moving isn't that great of an idea.

Forgive my less than consistent posts. I will be in and out of this make belive world until the new year. Then I will be back in all my fury and will wreak havok upon your (fill in the blank).

Merry Christmas to all, and a happy new year!
 10:36 AM   •  10 satisfied customers!!  

•

I'm just sitting here without writing/typing. I guess I'm suffering from writers block. As a result, I'm sitting staring and my fingers aren't moving. Action -- none.

All of a sudden thoughts race to mind and I begin to


 2:06 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

Dreams do come true. I had a dream last night. A cat, with the cutest little kitty children wanted to move with us into our new house. Now they didn't talk, but we did communicate somehow. Here is what we agreed upon: 1) They would stay outside. 2) They need to be fed at 1pm everyday. 3) I conditioned the feeding arangement so that I would put food out in the morning and they would just wait till 1pm to eat. Unfortunately I was woken up before I found out if they like dry or can food.

In other breaking news, I just found out that we will all be erased.

In other other breaking news, Chester A. Garfield is almost completely forgoten.
 10:29 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

•

Trying to leave, an unatractive woman blocks my path. -- As if I were in an artsy film, she, the weird stranger, eyes me and commands, "Live as if you are going to live, but don't count on it." Weather she turned around and walked away or disapeared I failed to notice. My mind was too caught up in what she said and how I just heard the same thing on a celebrity talk show the day before. Couched in the purchased dribble landing in my lap from the lips of Hollywoods envyable was a phrase I would hear the next day. Weather it was Tom Cruise or Belinda Carlyle I don't remember, my mind was too caught up in the warm nachos my wife was handing me. Then realizing that digesting mixed with high profile B.S. create mental instability, I quickly changed the programing.
 12:11 PM   •  10 satisfied customers!!  

•

Best part of my job: waking up at 8am. I love sleeping. I got nine hours of the stuff last night. Nine hours! Can you beat that? On a work night. Due to the abundance of sleep my skit-so-fren-ee-a is gone and I'm starting to develop x-ray vision. I tell ya, sleep more if you can, it is good for you.
 10:07 AM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

•

Garage sales tomorrow. Last week was one of my best finds. I got about 25 record for $10 and they were quality records: Beatles, Led Zeplin, Pink Floyd, CCR, Donavan, and others. One of the best classic rock finds on record. Now I'm just waiting for another good jazz find. That will be the day -- when some old jazz fan dies, bless his heart, and is know-nothing son goes off and sells everything in the house. He sees the box of records and has never heard of Wes Montgomery and Art Blakey. He says, "Give me a dime each and we will go our own ways." I smile and say, "How about $5 for the bunch." And he says, "Ah,, o.k." We both walk away murmmering under our breath, "sucker." I hope this happens this weekend. And if it can happen any other way besides an old jazz fan dieing I'd prefer it. But old jazz fans don't part easily with thier goods.
 9:52 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

•

You think you're right. I think I'm right. But we can't all be right. Usually those who say 'we can't all be right' are the ones who think they are right and others are wrong. I think I'm right in this. You think I'm wrong. We can't both be right. <.br>It is good that you think you're right. How would you function if you thought you were wrong? You would turn into a waterfall. That fact of the matter is we are all wrong. The evidence is given to us when we die. We couldn't do it. We couldn't live forever. We weren't the first to beat the system. We were wrong. But until we are so solidly refuted we think we are right. What else can we do?

Let's just be wrong. Let's not care if we are wrong. Let's say, "Hey man, I think you're right and I'm wrong. So what? Does that make me a monkey?" And then go on and get a milkshake and stroll along the semi-natural settings of a planned community where the fangs are taken out of nature.
 12:23 PM   •  18 satisfied customers!!  

•

Animals lovers like Mellish will have to forgive me. If animals could talk we would find that they don't have much to say of interest. If we could communicate with animals we would find that they don't make good conversation. There is a reason animals are subjected to humans: they can't figure out how to over-power us. We, on the other hand, could easily wipe most animal species off the face of the earth for ever. Hence the push for wildlife conservation.

For an interesting mythology on the subject of man's war with animals, see Princess Monanoke -- great flick.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to exterminate animals -- in fact I think they are cool and usefull. But they aren't people and it makes me sick when they are elevated to a human level. Exspessially when humans are made to suffer to make life more comfortable for animals. Animals are not people too.
 8:24 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

•

Here is a test to see how well I link.

The Llama

Did it work?
 9:01 AM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

•

Sensational event!!! I had a dream that I got bit by a spider on my hand. The next nigth I noticed a bump on my hand with two fang marks. Weird.

Question: will the bump turn out to be a nest of spiders?
 8:56 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

•

Mike (the drunken poohbear link) wants to make a new holiday. I like the idea -- another day off. What could we celebrate that would have enough support to get a national holiday? Mike is particualrly interested in working out the color scemes. He also shaves all the hair on his body. HMMMMM????? To his defence, he isn't a big fan of gladiator movies or musicals.
 10:40 AM   •  10 satisfied customers!!  

•

Humor Hint: Assert subjective statements as absolutes. For example: The best word for poo is terd.
Don't use qualifiers like, "I think" or "as far as I'm concerned." Just say it like they are demonstrateable facts and anyone who disagrees is wrong.

Here are some questions for you to practice on.
Best word for poo?
Best time of day?
Best letter of the alphabet?
Best word of praise to give Johnny T?
When you are done, submit your answers and I will grade them for you to see how good of a student you are.

Have a good weekend.
 1:44 PM   •  10 satisfied customers!!  

•

The reason why coin money is worth less than paper money: paper money is more convienent to carry around than coin money. Back in the old days when coin money was first introduced (the days of Noah and Gorge Washington) is was inteneded to be worth more than paper money because silver and copper are worth more than pine pulp. Paper money took off in value when people realised that it was much easier to carry a $100 bill from Constantinople to Chicago than $100 in change. This was a good time to invest in paper money printers -- hence the source of Julius Ceaser's vast wealth with which he bought the Roman Empire.
 4:46 PM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

•

Do you eat to live, or live to eat?

And does it really matter? Either way is futile and disapointing.

I just got an email samuraibarber@hotmail.com
So now you can send me your addresses for the Gingerbread men.
 1:10 PM   •  1 satisfied customer!  

•

Gingerbread Army is coming to a city near you. Be sure to sign up for their show. If you are good and you give me a mailing address I might, MIGHT send you a gingerbread man. MIGHT! I can't stress that enough. There are no garantees. But I am going to be making an army of gingerbread men. Each will be hand crafted by a complete amature and decorated by the same incompetant bafoon -- me, Johnny T. I would like to send my minions all around the world and you, my good blogging fiends (and that is not a mis-spelling, muha-ha-ha-ha) just might be lucky enough to recieve one if I get your mailing info. Give me your mom's address or your friends or your business or your PO box or your enemy's. I don't care. I just want to share the wealth.

I hope I didn't scare you. I do have a history of stocking and murdering and arson. But I'm over that now. Now I just help the homeless, give gingerbread men and dabble in identity theft. Nothing to worry about. :) Just send me your SS#, most recent bank statement, PIN #, mailing address, mother's maiden name and ---- OH my gosh, there she is!!!! The lady who can't see the sun. I see her all the time and now she is walking by my office window. I feel bad for the lady. Everyday she takes a walk with all these clothes on, a big brimed hat and an inch of green gunk on her face. She doesn't obey stop lights and often walks right in front of me when I'm making a right hand turn. Unfortunately her rudeness has dulled my sympathy. But I still feel bad for her.

I am almost serious about the gingerbread men so think about it. I guess you don't want to put your info on my comments where the entire reading world can view it. And I don't have email, so maybe this won't work. What ever. I don't care. It's a crappy holiday anyway. I try and do something good for the world and look what happens, I get a bunch of nay-sayers. Well you know what I have to say about that? I think I'm going to say, " I better stop writting because this is going way, way too long."
 11:22 AM   •  13 satisfied customers!!  

•

Artists are the only people who know how important they are. Everybody knows how important scientists, congressmen, police officers, doctors and french fry chefs are. But we don't know about the important roll of the artist -- only the artists know thier own importance.

Do you sense my cynical tone (and my bad spelling)? The Romantic, Victorian and Modern authors I've read on the subject of art claim that they are the only ones that know how important they are. As Shelley would say it, "Artists are the unacknowledged legislators of the world." (Defence of Poetry) I find it funny. They are trying to snob us into thier camp, and I don't like being snobbed into anything since I don't realize I'm being snobbed until it's too late. Snobbery is the subtlest form of proselytizing and I often am caught in its snares. Fortunately I cought them damned artists before they snobbed me in.
 11:14 AM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

•

It is my birthday today!!! Hip-Hip Horray!!! I'm 27 now!!!

For my birthday I got three new CDs: Jeff Buckley-Grace, Tomahawk-self titled, DJ Shadow-I forget the name, but his new one. So far I am more than pleased with all three, a rarity indeed. Usually I get a CD and am disapointed. Not today my friend.

Plus I got the second season of the Simpsons. Yes!!! Can't wait for season three.
And just to educate you, the Simpsons start to suck around season 8, I think. At some point, around 1997 or 98 they got all these new writers are lose the magic. But seasons 2 - 8 (or 9) are solid gold man, solid gold.
 5:53 PM   •  10 satisfied customers!!  

•

I want my record album cover to have a picture of a big bear and a robot fighting in some pointless battle. The setting needs to be somewhat magical and yet realistic at the same time -- a futuristic gas station in some midwestern city, like Denver or Boise, would do the trick.
 5:15 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!