The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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My grandma was dead for a long time in my dream last night. In the morning she was alive, and has been a live for a long time. I was taking some glassware from her house while dreaming. Why?

I asked my freind Mark, who is a dream interpreter for the Hollywood stars, what this all means. I kid you not, this is what he said, "John, your suffering at the hand of your grandma. You need to break free from the grip she has over you and live your own life. Let me ask you this: do you have all sorts of grandma-style decorations in your house?"

I resopnded, "Well, yes I do. In fact I spend every Saturday morning at garage sales to buy ugly grandma-style decorations."

"I knew it. Your grandma has chosen you to be her latch."

"Latch! What the yabba is a latch?"

"John, your grandma is going to die. But if she can distil enough of her spirit into you before she goes, she will be able to live through you. It happens all the time. Why do you think I go to the park and feed the pigeons every morning? It is because my grandpa latched onto me and I can't shake him. The worst part about it is I'm starting to enjoy "Murder She Wrote" and "Matlock."

"Man, that sucks. But my facination with grandma-style decor is that I think it is funny looking and it makes me laugh. I do it in a half-mocking way. I also like it because it is a way of mocking the generation of my parents (which is what all good rebals do) in a very suttle way of approving what they despise -- namely the style of thier parents. Each generation needs to despise the generation of their parents. Instead of doing the usual thing of making some new style that will piss them off, I decided to do it in a sneaky way by saying they were dumb to get rid of thier parents style, which is now what I call grandma-style. So it is similtaneously mocking my parents generation and my own, which is always a lot of fun. Two birds with one stone, that's what I always say."

At this point Mark looked at his watch and said, "That's very interesting. Unfortunately your time is up and Burt Reynalds is waiting to come in. You know your way out. And leave the check with the receptionist. . . Burt good to see you! How's your secret love afair with the lamb."

They both looked at me. I pretended as if I didn't hear that. They were satisfied and closed the door.
 9:27 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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T.V. sucks. The crappy thing is pulling me in and I don't know how to get out. Now instead of working out the bugs in the Hubble Telescope or making progress in cancer research, I'm watching shows I hate, like the Batchlorette. My wife is a tottal sucker for these crappy shows and I, poor pathetic foolish I, sit down and waste my precious time. But I will say this for T.V.: the Jerry Kimmel late night talk show is kinda funny. They deepfried a submarine sandwhich. At least there is a little bit of quality programing out there.

On the lighter side of life, I think I'm going to get a lap top. Any suggestions?
 8:42 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Who's up for some poker on Friday night? We has gots some game goin's on. Your prescence is requested. Promptly at 7:30 the brie and Martinis will begin. Thens we's gotsta get the games goin' so I's can wins me some moneys. The evening will be concluded with pipes and brandy in the study. We will have the Hi-Fi in the background and of course a special guest -- Chris Levens!!! What is a poker game without this wild and crazy dude? For sure he will bring the champane of beers: Miller High Life. And the poor fool will of course rob us blind. Happens every time.

I think Chris just pretends to be quarky so that nobody will think to suspect him. I really think he is some big time Sociology resercher for Berkley doing some massive experiments on us. Some day when he wins the Nobel Prize for understanding what makes humans tick we will be the tested guinea pigs in his reports. Chris, all I ask is that you cut me on the spoils.
 9:37 AM   •  12 satisfied customers!!  

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Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches are splendid these days. I am phase-man, not stability-man. I like things for a while and than need change. I'm learning that not all people are this way. Some like predictability and the same thing day in and out. There is nothing wrong with this, but it isn't for me. I can't understand how someone can have scrambled eggs every morning, everyday. Wouldn't you turn into a potato after years of that? I sure would. And I'd never come back to humanhood because I wouldn't want to eat scrambled eggs ever again. I would rather live underground where one day my roots would tap into a tasty nitrogen cluster and the next day I would come accross some MiricleGrow. At least there would be some variety. And if a goffer eats part of my, so be it. It is better than eating scrambled eggs everyday.
 10:17 AM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

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It has come to my attention that I am being laughed at. Laughed at by Russ. This hurts. This really hurts. A guy tries to do his best to make the world a better place by blogging and instead of the fame and recognition he deserves he gets mocked. Mocked! Why I aught to . . .

Once again I feel the need to defend the art of free spelling. Conforming to the standards of acceptable spelling is like living in a tract house. Yes, it is efficient, convienient, respectable and generally accepted. But you know what, it's boring. It is where you start. What you really want is a custom house somewhere beautiful, be it on a beach, lake, mountain, canyon, or next to your favorite taco stand. Sure, when your young it is good to start with a tract home: build some equity, get the tax write off, learn the ropes. But when you get older it is time to move up and out.
So it is with spelling. In school you are taught the basics; you learn the vanilla flavor of spelling. This is just to get you started and develop your capabilities. It was never intended to become standardized for everyone at all times. They expected you to be able to create new and more meaningful ways of spelling by the time you graduate high school. Yes, this is another short fall of public education. Charles A. Spelling, the founder of what we now are refering by his last name, developed the system with John Dewey. They thought the system would help people to become great spellers instead of cookie cutter spellers, as is the sad case today.

Just like the development of music -- first you learn "Hot Cross Buns", then the circle of fifths, and then you better start being inovative or you will spend the rest of your life playing other people's music. What makes a musician great? His ability to play cover songs? No sir ee bob! It is his ability to take music to new and unknown places.

So with spelling. I'm trying folks, but instead of support I get critisized. But this is the price one pays for genius. So none of your mockery will get me to put down my pen of many colors in exchange for your drab institutionalized pen. Never! Never! ( the "Never" chant needs to be read while visualizing me with my head held high, right hand over my heart, standing against a background of a flying flag with patriotic music supporting my booming voice.)

 4:51 PM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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I would like to express my appreciation for the fine folks of Nacho, New Mexico for the creation of the fine snack food named after thier city.
 1:52 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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If you have never heard of Medeski, Martin and Wood, you should check out their video. You will find it on the their site under Music, Latest Release: Uninvisible. This way you will come to the show with me next time they come to L.A. Their show is way better than their recorded music. They are sort of a jam band like the Greatful Dead where they improvise most of the time. The songs you hear on the albums are only skeletons. At their shows they give the skeletons flesh and blood.
 9:43 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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How funky, fresh and fly is Seth the Dane, aka, The Outlaw. He just put this song on my site for me. What a swell dude!

This recording is for all to hear. It is of Chris Levens singing. My brother Noel played the music and produced the song in his chill studio. To hear the song just click the link at the top of the screen. There are more songs we recorded of Chris on which I participated, but this is probably the coolest song. If you like it and you let me know, maybe we will be able to get Seth to add the Ant Farm song to my site. Then you will be able to hear my burning licks on the ax plus some creepy singing by Chris.

Best line of this song, "Like Jordan. . . . soaring the clouds . . . . slamming." It is sureal, man.
 10:02 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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I'm using purple katsup right now. It isn't bad. Ever tried it? I think I'll never buy the red stuff again. Next, I want to try the green stuff. I bet that is even better. And you want to know what else? They add Vitamin C to it. If the color wasn't enough to reel you in, the added nutrients sure will.
 11:12 AM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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Remember how you were all hoping I would have my school books? Well I don't. Do you want to know why? It is a mystery. I've been going over every piece of evidence bit by bit -- I retrace my steps, I ask myself questions, some get answered, new ones come up, my mind starts playing tricks on me, I start playing them back. It is like unraveling a cable-knit sweater that someone keeps kniting, and kniting, and kniting, and kniting . . . .
 10:50 AM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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I am officially a dork. evidence: when something pops into my mind, I automatically think it should become a blog entry -- the essence of dorkdom. Soon I will indulge in comic books and role playing games.

But on the bright side of things, I'm learning to cope with being ordinary. It was tough realizing that I'm not the reason the earth keep spinning. But now that I know that I'm a dime a dozen, things are looking up. Now instead of trying to solve world hunger and working on inexpensive forms of abundant energy I can watch more t.v.

And just a little update, right now I'm going to go and buy my books for two classes this semester: Milton and Modern Critical Therory. Should be fun.
 11:15 AM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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Why is it the Theonomists and Reconstructionists are sympithetic to the Southern casue in the Civil War? A quick way to find out someone's whole theological bent is to ask them what they think about Abraham Lincoln. If they despise they guy you probably have a Reconstructionist on your hands -- most of the time. You might just have a Libratarian who doesn't like a strong centralized government, so the test isn't 100%. But the question plus a few follow up questions will tell you a lot. If thier discust is theological, they are probably Reconstructionists. If thier dislike is based on political theory, they are probably Libraterians. I think this test is kind of funny -- funny because it is true.
 11:25 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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What I'm about to do is unprecidented in blogging history. Here, on my site, I am going to list off the five top names for North American children: Craig, Ryan, Steve, Louis, Ray.

Are you satisfied with my daring feat?
How about with my darling feet?

 11:15 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Recent dissapointments with the Bush administration. I think he conceeds to the Socialists a little too much. I know that compromises must be made and he had to throw them a bone to get his tax reduction plans through. And just for the record I think the tax reductions are a great thing he is trying to do.

Two things bother me though: 1) the extension of the unemployment benefits and 2) lumber tarrifs with Canada.

I was excited that the already extended unemployment benefits were ending -- finally our economy would add fuel to the shaky recovery. You know what would happen if the extended benefits weren't extended again? People would have to go out and get jobs again. They would make more money than the puny government handouts, unemployment would go down, new jobs would be created, and so on and so forth. But it looks like people will make do with thier weekly allowance from their governmental parents.

And secondly, lumber tarrifs tottally suck. I thought Republicans were supposed to be free market capitalists? Yet we baby the domestic lumbering industry that can't compete with Canada's unless we put super high tariffs on their products. Why do we need a domestic lumber industry? If the Canadians do it better, let them do it. We should focus on what we do best. In the end both contries would profit. What ever happened to Adam Smith and the "Wealth of Nations." And no, I don't think "A Beautiful Mind" hurt Adam Smith's capitalism -- it was a cheesy attmept to limit freedoms and plug sociallism.

Here is the message of Socialism/ Democrats: "You can't make decisions for yourself as good as the government can make decisions for yourself."
Here is the message of Capitalism/ Libraterianism: "You might not make great decisions, but you know what, I'm going to give you the benifit of the doubt and the freedom to make your own choices, regardless of their quality."
 12:08 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Reality is the stuff that isn't true or false. I think Derrida said this in more or less words. Kind of true -- he is saying that statements are true or false, not reality. So you see a duck, you don't say "that duck is true." But the statement, "I see a duck" is either true or false. Not that big of an observation, but interesting in its own right. My question is: isn't a statement part of reality and true or false?

On the happier side of life, we (my wife and my self) are celebrating four years of marriage tonight. I'm taking her to some swanky place and ordering lobster, if you know what I mean *wink-wink*.
 10:38 AM   •  14 satisfied customers!!  

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Inspiration: passively received or aggressively pursued? I'm torn assunder on this issue. I would like to belive that inspiration is passively received -- the notion is quite Romantic. Yet I find inspiration waning as I wait. But when I pursue inspiration it is impossible to find. This is when I pull my hair out and poke myself in the eye. But now I'm learning the key to getting Inspiration. Beat it at its own game. If it eludes you, pretend like you don't care for it and can live without it. Inspiration will feel jiltted and come back on hands and knees begging you to be inspired. Accept its offer reluctantly because if it catches on to your little games it will be even more difficult next time. Play hard to get and Inspiration will marry you. Another strategy is to threten Inspiration into submission. Tell Inspiration that you are going to indulge in unispired activities for the rest of your life. Then prove it by writing a crappy poem about saving the environment or equal rights. Here is an example:

To the Earth I give my love
I will always take care of you
Picking up litter
I'll never be bitter
Because you are the only home I know.

After some dribble like this Inspiration will hit you with its best shot in order to rid the world of this sort of crap. Try it and see what happens.
 10:47 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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I have grown as a person. Finnally, children make sense. Before, I was under the impression that children had the minds of adults but just acted like children. Now I have learned that children have the minds of children. It is really weird to think that they really don't know to not stick a penny in a light socket or itch their tounge with a knife. I have more respect for children now.

And I'm back in town from my trip to Reno. Nothing to report. Family visits are uneventfull, and that is what I love about them. I am back in the eventfull world and am getting a bit weary. I would like a day or so where I can turn my brain off and just laugh and play. I just had a week or so of that sort of stuff. But you know what, fun is addicting. I have a serious fun jones. And you know what, I don't want this monkey taken off my back.
 10:01 AM   •  8 satisfied customers!!