The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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Oh man. Saw this old dude (60 or so) in a suit and tie driving to work this morning. Now that is interesting enough. But to give you the ol' one/two punch, he was driving along in this perfect '69 Chevy full-size pick-up --Yellow with a brown stripe, Rally rims, and straight as an arrow. Only one word can express the feeling one gets when witnessing a grandpa in suit driving a fly auto: bitchen, straight up.

And to really make your weekend, I would like to share with you the painting I think I am going to buy. the painting This is such an intense painting and so distrubing. I love it. What makes it even cooler is the it is 17th century. I love to see how bizarre people were back then. It bridges the gap a little bit, ya know.
 9:43 AM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

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Turns out the lady who can't see the sun is really tattoo lady. You know of the lady who I see all the time with green gunk on her face, big brim hat, long sleves, gloves, sweats tucked into her shoes and sun glasses. She walks aroung and not a spot of her skin sees the sun. So I thought she had a disease where she would turn into Tang powder if the sun touched her. Turns out she doesn't have said disease. She is tatooed from crown to toe. She is ashamed she did that and now won't let anyone see her. There was an article in the paper about her. Now that is grovey.

Speaking of tatoos, I'm not really a tatoo type of guy. In fact I'm not much of an ornament guy. I'm not into piercings or jewlery or tatoos. I just never got into accessorizing. I'm not a freakin' christmas tree --I don't need no thingies dangling from me. I am man -- hear me roar!
 10:18 AM   •  15 satisfied customers!!  

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Snobbing is the major form of argumentation. I dislike it greatly and I'm getting good at sniffing it out. I know, I'm guilty of it. But so are you. The thing is, we don't even know that we do it. What is snobbing? Basically it is trying to convince someone by saying supperior people believe/do it. For example: Democrats are more compasionate; Marxists are free from greed; Reformed Christians are smarter; people with hefty units wear briefs (I heard this on Kevin and Bean this morning). It is snobbing. The listener thinks, "Hey I want to be seen as smarter, compasionate, and sporting a hefty unit. So I agree with X." I see this a lot in Critical Theory. Deconstructionism basically snobs people into their position by saying, "You are just afraid to shift the power structure you grew up with. If your not afraid, be a Deconstructionist. Join the elite group of the brave." That's the way I read Derrida.

Snobbing sucks.
 9:36 AM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

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Any one want to start a hippy commune? Well, let's make it a modified hippy commune. We will have private property and you won't be forced to do communal work. Really, all I am asking is for a group of people who would like to buy a huge peice of land somewhere. We can each build our own homes and we won't have to knit mac-ro-may all day long. Nor will you be forced to smell like pacholie. But we would have a little farm area. If you won't want to work on it, fine. But for those of us like myself, we can grow corn and raise sheep. We will have a shooting range, a go-cart track, archery, camp fires, and a pond. I'm thinking northern California. Sound good?
 8:48 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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Wildnerness preserves suck. There are a whole bunch in my area that look real fun. I just want to run out there and roll around or sit down and have a sandwich. But I can't. I'll get arrested. Why the preserves? They suck. I want real nature where I can run and dig a hole or take a pee or bring a rock home with me. That's nature. Not this pansy Environmentalist preserve nonsence. A nature preserve is just an unpractical use of land. Let it be open and let us enjoy it with all our senses, not just our eyes. Environmentalists are just teases -- they pretend to offer us nature, but they don't. Nature isn't protected by man. Nature doesn't have rules. There are no cops in Nature. There are no fences. Environmentalists suck. Nature is cool and they won't let me play with it.
 11:08 AM   •  22 satisfied customers!!  

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Why is escapism frowned upon? The word is used in such a negative sense as if the person who is seeking escape is 3/4 a human since he/she can't deal with life.
I'm no longer fearful of being labeled an escapist. I'll accept the term with dignity. Yes, life bothers me. Yes, I can't wait until this world is rolled up like a scroll. Yes, I can't deal with life. What are you going to do about it? Huh? Pat yourself on the back by calling me an escapist? "I'm big and strong and I don't mind this cursed world. In fact, I love it. Give me a second helping. Hey, are you going to finish that bowl of suffering? If not, pass it my way, I'm not satisfied." Not for me, thank you. I am an escapist and I'm proud. Say it loud! I escape and I'm proud!!!!!
 4:42 PM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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According to the Atlanta Daily, the best umbrellas are the ones that are like big domes and see-through. You know what I'm talking about, right? They are the ones that you fit inside of like an upsidedown handleless coffee mug. Sometimes there are Hello Kitty decals on them.

I have to agree with the Atlanta Daily, they are the best. I need one. I like the way the rain sounds inside of them and the way you can hear yourself breathing. Some of my best memories were inside one of those unbrellas. Like the time Ralph Malph got into debt with those loan sharks.
 2:33 PM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Who would complain if I just all of a sudden started being really mean? I mean, really mean. I'll give you an example:

Why I aught to . . . .

If you do that one more time I'm going to . . . .

And you call your self a human being? Your no human. Your just a rabbit.

I know you your dumb.

Now I know that these mean statements are a bit extreem, but I was making a point. What do you think about the point? Do you think it was made? Or do you think it is a bit unclear. Here, I'll make the point sharper.

Mean is mean.
 1:54 PM   •  11 satisfied customers!!  

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OK, George W. Bush just said something that I am real glad to hear. I know I don't always support the guy but he is heading in a good direction. I read that he is going to propose to eliminate the income tax and replace it with a higher sales tax. Hip-Hip-Horry!!!! I so, so, so, so hope that this passes. It is such a better system of taxation.

And you know what, I'm glad California is in a budget crunch. It is causing our state and local governemtns to cut all sorts of stupid programs that the government should never have supported anyway. And what makes me laugh real loud is when the media tries to creat some sob story about how the Gardenia Lilly Festival is not going to recieve $70,000 this year from the state. Like we are supposed to think this is a bad thing! What in the world is the government doing giving tax payers money to so many programs? I'm so glad they are getting cut. You know what else is getting cut? I read that D.A.R.E. is going to get millions cut. Finnally! It has been a failure for 15 years now, why continue to waste money. Budget cuts are good things for bloated governments. Can I get an Amen?
 12:31 PM   •  11 satisfied customers!!  

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I'm a hick at heart. Proof: I want to live where people won't bother me, where I can shoot stuff on my own property, where I can have a bunch of junked-up cars that my kids can play on, where I can have dogs run wild, where I can drive a go-cart on my own property, where I can play with paintball guns on my own property, where I can have a welding station on my own property where I will make scarry garden statues out of steel, where I can have lots of empty cans of Olympia all over my yard. Yes I want to be a hick. But I'm trapped in a suburban life. Proof: I live in a tract house, I drive a passenger car, I think the park is wilderness, I work in an office, I don't drink Olympia.

Man, we need to start a new country. Somewhere in South America. We need a real Capitalist country where government is really, really limited and we can do what we want to do. Doesn't that sound good?

 11:02 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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The problem with growing older: you become a dork. It sucks so bad that I almost want to convince myself that I'm not a dork. But look at me: I dress like an old man, I listen to talk radio on the road, I do yard work for fun, I think about things like tax deductions, I read the newspaper, I like things quite, I don't like MTV, I don't get teenagers, I like little kids. I suck! If I was myself 10 years ago (I'd be 17) and I saw myself now I'd be like, "There goes a guy who sucks." Now-a-days when I see high-schoolers I'm like, "There goes some guys who suck." What gives!

Well, I think I need to embrace old age. I need to lift my head up high and confidently say, "I know I suck and I don't care. I know that not caring about sucking makes me suck more, but I still don't care. I know that this declaration leads to an infinite regression of sucking and not careing, but I don't care."

I know I'm going to curl up into a ball tonight and weep myself to sleep. Such is life. I better get use to it.
 5:16 PM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

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What I want to know is why recreational drug use is considered wrong. 30 years ago respectable business men and doctors and such got perscription meth so they could work better. Wouldn't that be nice if every now and again when you needed a little more than a cup of coffee you could just take a pep pill and blaze through your work load.

Don't worry, I know what people are afraid of: addiction and abuse. But the fact of the matter is not everyone who uses abuses. But it is illegal and considered wrong because some people can't participate responsibly. So the Government forbids everyone from doing it. Bummer. We need the freedom to make up our own minds about it, even if we make a bad choice. I like what Larry Elder said concerning this subject, "Freedom entails the right to make bad decisions." (Paraphrase)

I like the recreational use of drugs, but I have limited my own use (a bit begrudgingly) to the legal ones like caffinee and alcohol because of my religious convictions about obeying the law.

If you have any good reasons why recreational drug use should be illegal, please let me know. Particularly I would like something consistent with the fact that alcohol is legal even though it is as strong and addicting and ruins lives just like other hard drugs.
 9:24 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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The American story as a 1980's adolescant comedy. We had a slew of them: One Crazy Summer, Better Off Dead, Revenge of the Nerds, Etc., Etc. The Protagonist: a young lower middle class talented loser with high ambitions surrounded by qusai-retarded uber-losers (Bobcat Goathwait, for examble). The Antagonist: a upper middle class over acheiver with a pedigree almost as large as his ego and he will do whatever it takes to win. The situation: they both want the same thing (win the race, take the girl, etc.) The odds are stacked in the Antagonist's favor. But through hard work, the support of dorky friends and a little luck the Protagoist wins it all in a victory that utterly humiliates the Antagonist.

Does this sound familiar? Yes, it is the story of the American Revolution (with the dorky friends being the French). It is the story of the American Cowboy. It is the story of the rags to riches business man. It is the story of Teddy Rosevelt. It is the American Story. You may not know this but the Young Republicans were given a special grant by Regan to indoctrinate the youth of the 1980s through comedys. And it worked. How many of you poor pathetic saps think that you can pull yourselves up by your bootstraps? Well, your wrong. Your hopes are just the delusions resulting from years of brainwashing by the Regan administration.

Don't believe me? Well, did any of these flicks come out during Clinton's era? No. All you had were movies like "Friday" and "Dazed and Confused" were people just live off welfare and drink 40s. That is the Democrat dream -- a nation of dependent losers. Contrast this with the Republican dream -- a nation of deluded losers. I don't know which is worse.
 9:20 AM   •  11 satisfied customers!!