The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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It is difficult to come up with new generalizations. Part of the difficulty is the stiff competition. I must say, half of the generalizations I make have been made before. Just when I think I'm going to strike it big with a brand new generalization--boom!--someone beats me too it. Take the other day for example. I was in the super market and I noticed that the most staple items are in the back of the store, like milk, eggs, cheese, liverworst. From this observation I generalized that all retail stores put the most commonly sought items in the rear: beer in the back of 7-11, jeans in the back of clothes stores, etc. So then I generalize a theory on the reason for this: so people have to mill about and come in contact with all the specials and sales and new gadgets. But right when I am finishing explaining all this to the lady behind me she whips out a copy of McCalls and opens up to page 76. On this page is a groundbreaking article about the reasons for staple items in the rear of retail stores. Dang! And this is just one example.
 3:42 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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I snipped my own hand. My wife's dad stiched it up in his kitchen. He's a nurse. He didn't have novicane (numbing agent-however you spell it). So I chugged a few beers, shoved a towel in my mouth and made girlish yelps as he sewed me up.

This is the second time he sewed me up in his house.


 1:42 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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My fortune cookie: You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment. I don't know how to explain how funny this is-- and that just adds to the humor. I think it has something to do with how little is said. "You have a potential urge" What the hell? Is this a joke? Is someone making fun of Engrish? That is like saying, you might possibly have a desire. So what? And then the unrelated statement, "and the ability for accomplishment." Or is it saying I have the ability to do what I might have a desire to do. After I read this I went back to the counter and punched the lady who put it in my bag. She understood.
 11:18 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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Do you think personas are developed before writing or during writing? Let me ask this a different way: Does the persona create the writing or does the writing create the persona? I'm sure it is some sort of mixture that varies in proportion depending on the writer and the situation.

The reason this question is being asked is because I am begining to sense a blogging persona being developed. This persona was never intentional on my part, it just sort of evolved. He doesn't have great depth yet, and he may never acheive that. But a persona doesn't require great depth. I wonder if this is similar in others or if others first think of a persona and then blog.

It is real sad that I even give any thought to blogging. I mean, what is it? It is a silly little thing one does when they don't want to work while they are at work. As you can tell, I take my experience and import it into everyone elses'. It is the only way I can cope with life. Plus, the world seems a happier place when everyone is like me. Anyways, I feel real loser-esque, like I should start reading comics and drinking a lot of soda and play role-playing games and talk about Lord of the Rings as if it was an important book and stop taking showers. No offense to anyone who may have any of these loser qualities.
 10:46 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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I had a Sci-Fi dream last night. These kids, and this is no joke, were being controlled through hearing aids. They were robbing us while we slept. I caught a few, pulled their hearing aids out and they became normal. But they would bite me when I would try to take the hearing aids out. Well, we were all shocked that hearing aids were being used to control children to perform crime. I had to tell the world about this horrible practice--it needed to be exposed. Here is the kicker: I thought the best way to tell the world about this is by blogging about it. Dang! I feel like the biggest loser.

But the dream was very realistic and very entertaining. I asked my friend Brad about it. He interprets dreams for the Holywood stars. He said the dream reveals my desire to save the world. Unfortunatly, he said I see other people as kids, blind parents, or evil crime lords. At this point I started to weep. He was right. While my head was hanging, sobbing in my hands he came over, tenderly placed his hand on my sholder, and whispered in my ear: John, It's alright. You need to pull yourself together. Your time is up and Bruce Hornsby is waiting in the lobby. Come and see me next week. Leave you check with Melissa."
 10:00 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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Tomorrow I find out if my professor agrees with me that there are some strong similarities between Derrida and Quine. I found the similarities interesting since they would usually be placed at the opposite ends of the philosophical spectrum (Continental and Analytic). In a nut shell, they both share an epistemological pragmatism --pragmatism in the Peircian sense, not the Jamseian. I find it sort of interesting and somewhat compelling.
 6:52 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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Well the 1967 Chevelle is sold. I'm sorry to see it go and I'm not. It was kind of a relief to sell it. Old cool cars are only cool if 1) you drive them or 2) you have lots of money and time to spend making it a cherry auto. I had neither. So it is gone.

But on the brighter side, my midlife crisis is over. Yeah, it came a little early for me, but I always was a bit mature for my age. So I stopped wearing tank tops, sold the chick-mobile, shaved the mustache off, stopped watching MTV and gave up youthful slang. Now I'm comfortable with a wrinklie face, grey hair, sour disposition, and my Oldsmobuick.
 9:36 AM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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If Jesus was going to be preaching at your church, would you send you kids to sunday school?
 9:49 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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I'm back from New Orleans. It was grand.

Here is a short list of the highlights:
I threw rocks at aligators, ate aligators, ate turtles, saw the projects, freaked out at the cemetaries (in honor of Easy Rider), slurped a lot of raw oysters, saw a plantation, went to a Hornets game, ate at Emeril's, won $75 on a nickle machine, had a bum clean my shoes and sent him packing when he finished.

I learned one great lesson from the trip: you don't always learn lessons.
 9:10 PM   •  3 satisfied customers!!  

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Why is making furniture so suductive? We all know that the ideal job is to make furniture. My question is why? It is like we are all hardwired with an intense desire to make furniture. It is sort of like our (men, that is) attraction to curves on a lady. When you think about it, it doesn't make much sense. What is so great about curves? But then when you see the curves, va-va-voom! Same thing with furniture. It doesn't make sense, but when I realize that I will probably never get to the point where I can make furniture, I weep. Makes me want to be a robot.
 11:07 AM   •  14 satisfied customers!!  

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I pooed my pants today.
 2:46 PM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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I think I saw a filmming of the "Cops" T.V. show today. I saw a police man opening some guy's trunk. Behind the police man was a big camara man. Boy 'O' Boy was it exciting. The guy who was getting pulled over looked like a real sinister accountant. You know the type: 3 inches short of 6 feet, medium build but soft, narrow shoulders, glasses, moustache, bald on top with a strong brown ring of hair from ear to ear, tan slacks, brown loafers, Tan polo shirt with some sort of mild pattern, a 1992 Cutlass Sierra --tan, of course, digital watch, and a look on his face befitting a soft, nazalie voice. It was hectic! Just looking at the guy made shivers run up my spine. I bet the cop found tons of manilla folders in that trunk, a printing calculator, a few Mountain Dew 12 packs, and who knows what else. The scene made me go home and review all my bank statements and tax returns to make sure guys like that aren't skimming anything of the top from me.
 4:22 PM   •  8 satisfied customers!!  

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I'm going to New Orleans next week. I'll bring back presents for everybody. Give me a list of what you want so I can be sure to get everything.
 6:50 PM   •  13 satisfied customers!!  

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Big news! Big news! I'm done with work for the day!!!!!!!!!!! That means I get to go home, lay on my bed and turn my brain off. I love doing that. I might even help myself to an orange. Oranges, as you all well know, are the supreme fruit. Unfortuantely, I've run accross many crummy oranges this season. Can't I just have a good orange once in a while? The terrorists are causing havok in the produce isle by switching our good American oranges with their crummy desert oranges. Take 'em out Bush! Do it for the orange lovers! Do it for the integrity of our produce!
 12:36 PM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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Art bummer. The element of contemporary art that I can't stomach is the 'personal expression' mumbo-jumbo. You know what, you aren't that interesting. Sorry. But an expression of you is boring.

I so much prefer impersonal art.
 6:57 PM   •  12 satisfied customers!!  

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Political party inconsistencies: gun control and legal drugs.

Strange, it is, that those who want one legal want the other illegal. The same argument to make one illegal works for the other, and vise versa. Guns should be illegal, Democrates say, because in the hands of the irresponsible, others get hurt. Guns should be legal, Republicans say, because we should have the freedom to use them if we want; the law will punish those who misuse them. Drugs, the Republicans say, should be illegal because in the hands of the irresponsible, others get hurt. Drugs, Democrates (some) say, we should have the freedom to use them if we want; the law will punish those who misuse them.

I don't understand why those in favor of legalization of one aren't in favor of legalization of the other. Both have the potential of harming others. Both can be used in a responsible way.
 9:31 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!