The Audio Stylings of Chris Levens
"I'm a Gangster"

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There is a law at work in the universe and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with it. This law has caused much havoc in my life. I speak of infamous taste-of-food-reversal law. Yes, I am a victim. As a child I hated beets, brussel sprouts, orange marmelade, and mint jelly. Now I crave them. I loved shrimp and caseroles. Now I loath them. Now I live as a confused man, not sure if what I like today will still sound good tomorrow.
 8:51 AM   •  4 satisfied customers!!  

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We need a word to describe the empty use of cliches in argumentation.

I get weary of hearing things like: "This argument has holes so big you can drive a Mac truck through it" and "This paper isn't good enough to wrap fish" and "What he gives with one hand he takes away with the other."


 10:47 AM   •  14 satisfied customers!!  

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A question:

Most Evangelical Christians are Republican, right? When I was more of a Liberatarian I was accepted as a sort of quarky Republican. Most Christians I knew weren't too put off by my strict free-market ideal.

But as I became more of a Socialist I started receiving more and more disapproval from my fellow Christians.

Why?

As a Socialist, my stance on social issues is probably closer to the Republican stance than when I was a Libertarian. As a Socialist I can oppose things like prostitution, pornography on public T.V., and legal heroin. But oddly enough, I didn't receive the warm reception you might expect.

Why is this?


 8:11 AM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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In my never-ceasing quest to be cool, I think I have hit a landmark. A new technique, if you will, that aids my coolness.

I call the new technique the "I got your blank right here."

Basically, it fits into almost any conversation. When someone asks for something, you insert what they asked for in the blank of the above statement in quotes. In your reply you clench and shake your fist, squint one eye and talk like an old, crusty bully.

For example:
Barbara: Hey Craig, can I have a sip of your Coke?
Craig: (while clenching and shaking fist, squinting one eye and talking like an old, crusty bully) I got your sip of coke right here!

BOOM! Instant raport and clear message about whos on top.
 1:40 PM   •  7 satisfied customers!!  

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Have you ever heard someone recomend you do something because it will set a good example?

Personally, I really dislike that sort of thing.

If an action doesn't have any value in-and-of-itself, than why would I do it just to set an example? And example of what --doing something that is only worth while because it sets an example?!!?
Lame!

Plus, if it is worth doing or is the right thing to do, than that/those are the reason(s) to do it --not to set an example, but because they are worth doing or are the right thing to do.


 11:37 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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Here is how I sucessfully communicate with people who don't speak English: pause/close eyes/deep breath through nose.
Then patiently, slowly and with raised voice repeat myself in English.

If other English-only speakers are nearby, it is polite to glance askance at them, raising one side of you mouth, knit your eyebrows together, bunch up your sholders, slightly turn your palms facing up while keeping elbows slightly obtuse, and finish with a moderate burst of air out your nose.

If this doesn't work, just repeat as often as needed.

You'll be amazed at the warm reception you will receive wherever you go.
 1:43 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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A recent study of the nation's coolest people reveals that 88% of cool people enjoy lemon flavored yogurt and jello. John Hopkins University is in the final stages of determining if the lemon yogurt and jello is a cause of coolness or a result of coolness.

 9:02 AM   •  9 satisfied customers!!  

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The dream caused by mussel relaxers, by Johnny T.

A good friend of mine, who probably doesn't consider himself a drug dealer, but who is, was kind enough to give me a mussel relaxer for my spasuming back. Then I fell a sleep.

I dreamed that my soul mate (Connie T) had an affair. An affair with a woman! And I met the woman. She was 3 1/2 feet tall, ruddy complexion and talked like a litte kid. She was ugly as all get out.

My reaction started with a decleration that she ruined my life. But due to the somewhat comical flavor of the situation, I wasn't too depressed. I was almost more interested in what was going on in Connie's mind than in the fact that my wife of 6 years and 2 kids (yes, she is pregnant again) turned out to have a lesbian affair with an unattractive midget.

I woke from the dream and still felt a little amused with the situation.

And who says drug dealers are bad? The distribution of controlled substances on the black market makes for some of the greatest entertainment.
 4:32 PM   •  5 satisfied customers!!  

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The key to good brown rice: generous portions of water.
 6:45 PM   •  2 satisfied customers!!  

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Soothsaying time! Due to China's new agreement to invest in Iran's oil fields and the special oil trading arangement between the two countries, I predict that this is going to be a major road block to US intervention in Iran. China is our main counterpart in the world; we can't push them around at all. If they have a large vested interest in Iran, as they do now, we cannot attack Iran without thretening China. This sets up a WW1 domino scenerio that I suspect will calm US impulses to push for more control of the Middle East. Or, our gung-ho president will spark a major war that will involve China. The main deterent stopping Bush from seriously considering Iran, who is enriching uranium as we speak, is the all consuming effort of subduing Iraq. Iraq has turned into such a mess that we cannot afford financially or militarily to multiply our precense in the Mid-east on a new endever. Bush can't just check off Iraq and then move on to the next item on his list. Let's be thankful for this. Too much blood is already being spilt.
 7:25 PM   •  6 satisfied customers!!  

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This year I shall use a voter guide!

I'm going to use the Republican voter guide sent by the Govenator. For all the propositions and councilmen I don't know anything about, I shall just vote the opposite of the voting guide. As a basic rule of thumb, I can't go too far wrong as long as I vote against the Republicans.

But if anyone has a Christian Coalition voter guide, I would rather use one of those. Please let me know where I can get one before Tuesday.

Thanks for your support.
 7:33 AM   •  3 satisfied customers!!