Bio via Endorsement

Who is I? Isn't that what we are all asking ourselves deep down inside. Do you know who you are? I thought not. How then can you expect me to know myself well enough to give you a brief run down of my distinguishing characteristics? Even if I could, would they be the same tomorrow? What you really need is the testimony of some of my customers.

Jill from San Dimas writes, "John, the Samari Barber, is the best person I know. He is even the best person I don't know (I am really confidant that he is the best). He is truly an all-around great guy - and this isn't a fat joke. One minute John will be giving me a great perm and then next minute he is fixing me an omelet while solving all my emotional problems. How many people do you know who can laugh at a fart and still have the sophistication to understand the socially conscious, tragic-comedy of the Muppet Show? He can clear my rain gutters with one hand and draw me a great doodle with the other. I know no man like John. Connie, you are truly a lucky woman. I hope you always make John feel as special as he is."

Grant from San Pedro writes, "John's one hell of a dude. The guy gives a perfect bowl cut. I haven't looked this good since '84. And talk about smart - I'm surprised he hasn't become mayor or something like that. He told me to dump all my money into tech stocks and then pull out in early 2000. I did it on the day he suggested. Turns out I am a multi millionaire now and missed losing it all by three days. What a dude. I split my earnings with him (what am I going to do with 40 million?) and he took every penny and sent it over to the starving Portuguese. He says they don't even have Pixie Sticks there. The guys got a big heart. I tell you what, Connie, your lucky you got him before he was on the market. He would have been snatched up in a second. All the girls I work with are real jeleous of you. Hang on to that dude, he's one of a kind."

Blair and Barbby from Orange write, "We love you John. Our bangs never looked so good. Plus, we finally over came the schizophrenia thanks to your patient counsel. We couldn't have done it with out you. Connie, we are mad that you took our favorite man from us."

Craig from Palmdale writes, "John, if you don't stop trying to bring the step hair cut back I will have to maul you."

Jesse from Corona writes, "Craig, if you so much as touch a hair on John's head, I will personally choke you and poke you in the eye."

Craig from Palmdale writes, "Jesse, just cause the step hair cut made your wife come back to you doesn't mean the rest of the male world should have them. In fact, your wife only came back to you because the Persian Rug dealer she ran off with turned out to be a woman and you were so whipped by her that she knew you would take her back. Who else would put up with her Diet Coke addiction?"

Jesse from Corona writes, "You take that back Craig. The entire male population should have step hair cuts. And John is just the man to do it. No one does them faster or cleaner. So you don't think my wife came back because of the hair cut?"

John from Mission Viejo writes, "Jesse, your wife did come back for the hair cut. Craig is just angry because he refused to get a step cut and his kids ran away from him because all the other dads in the neighborhood had great step cuts from my shop. He just distorts reality. The truth is that the Persian Rug job was just a front. The guy your wife ran off with was really the price of Iran and a down right great guy. Once they made their way back to his palace she saw your picture on the "Eye on L.A." episode featuring my step cuts (yours is one of my best) and couldn't believe that she gave up such a stylishly handsome fellow as yourself for all the treasures of Iran. The prince immediately understood and even paid for her airfare home. He knew he was beat."

Linda from Scottsdale writes, "John, you have made my house a home. My mother-in-law's green hair was destroying my family. I turned to free-basing, my husband started cross-dressing, my oldest son started flirting with my husband, my oldest daughter joined the 4-H club, and our youngest son would only talk if we pretended we were underwater. Now that you gave her a Pat Benetar hair cut and put her is some wild leotards, our family is back to normal. Thanks John, we owe you big time."

Sidney from down under writes, "John, your new beer is a big hit in Australia. We have decided to make it the national lager. We never stop talking about you down here are the pub. In fact, we were just planning a surprise party for you. Then we remembered about your flashbacks and what happened last time with surprised you. Dave still hasn't found his remote. So instead of a surprise, we are just going to throw you a party with Dukes of Hazard as the special guests - well, not as special as you big guy. Don't forget to bring that luck wife of yours - and the hazelnuts. I want to try and get that elephant angry again. Cheers"

Well, what more can I say that hasn't already been said? I'm great. Everyone agrees.

 4 satisfied customers!!