(that is, eighteen questions of four sets)
administered by The Dane
Favorite band?
The kind that rocks. There isn't a whole lot that I look for in a band, so long as I can bake brownies and bounce on my parents bed while dressed up in pajamas to their music. Based on that simple principle alone, I'd have to say that any band with a midget would be my favorite. But since I can't think of any, aside from Kid Rock, I'll say Tom Jones.
Favorite band-aid?
1985...Man, does Willie Nelson know how to sing or what?
Favorite colour?
Tapioca...is that a colour?
Favorite colour for a television set?
Well, I'd have to say Tapioca...at least until I find out if that's even a colour.
If you were a donut, what kind would you be?
Stale...I may be crazy, but I don't want to be eaten by someone...unless she's hot!
Why do you start crying if you look at the sun for too long?
Why do you start crying if you stick your face too close to dog poop...that reminds me, I was Winnie the Pooh for Halloween.
David Duchovney or Brad Pitt?
For breakfast! Brad Pitt.
If you could be a ninja turtle, which one would you be?
Donatello. Then people could call me Don.
Do you eat fish?
Oh yeah.
Do you think we should take Mexico quickly by force, or through years of duplicitous negotiations?
Well, I have no idea what duplicitous means, but if it has anything to do with friendly conversation and political manuevering and manipulation...I'd say lets bomb the hell out of 'em!! (it's more fun and I want to see it in my lifetime)
Do you think God hates homos?
Only male ones...is that blasphemy to joke about it?
Do you think it's offensive to call people who choose a homosexual lifestyle "homos"?
No, I think it's cute.
What's your sign?
Two thumbs up for good, one finger up for bad.
What do you want out of life?
Claire Forlani...naked...in a bathtub full of tapioca pudding. And maybe a few new shirts because I ruined some of 'em doin' laundry.
What do you want out of your social life?
A way to contact Claire Forlani.
What do you want out of your bank?
Enough money to fill my bathtub up with tapioca pudding, and to bribe Claire Forlani to come soak in it.
Which do you put on your eggs: catsup or ketchup?
Usually I put eggs on my ketchup.
Lucky Logger or Swisher Sweets?
Nothin' beats a good ol' Swisher Sweet...except maybe a bathtub full of tapioca pudding...okay, you get the idea.
What do you sing in the shower?
"What's new Pussy Cat" by Tom Jones
How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?
Oh no you don't...you're not going to trick me with that one again!
If you were a Tim Burton movie, which would it be?
Beetlejuice.
Can I be in your posse?
Uhm, yes. And for your first test of loyalty I want you to change your answering machine message.
You find a sizable, lavender lint ball (with a hair going through the middle of it). Do you give it to your girlfriend?
What kind of hair is going through it?
Thong or g-string?
On me? no thanks...Claire Forlani? Oh yeah...
When I say "1980s," what's the first song to come to mind?
Stryper: "To Hell With The Devil"
When I say "poor fashion taste," what do you think of first?
SFLB.
When I say "Bananas in Pajamas," how do you most want to respond?
I want to look into the sun.
Will you hit me as hard as you can?
If I can use a wet noodle.
Who would you pay NOT to live with?
I'd be broke if I really had to follow through with the list I have.
Do you get along with ethnic people?
On or off crack?
When I said "ethnic people" just now, were you afraid?
Yes, because I thought maybe my neighbor was reading my monitor as I answered that question.
Quick, cold shower or cozy bubble bath with vanilla-scented candles and lilac soap?
With or without Claire??? COLD SHOWER!!!!
Would you rather be a Beatle or one of the New Kids?
A Beatle now, or then? Oh heck, who's kiddin' who, a New Kid.
Have you ever kissed your mom... in that way?
No comment.
If, because of entering into the Witness Protection Program after providing testimony of your intimate knowledge of the dealings and activities of the notorious Gambino crime syndicate, you had to change your name, what name would you pick?
Gambino, of course!!
Have you ever awoken with a horse head on your bed?
Yes, but she was a rebound so she doesn't really count!!
How much do you like kitties?
Is that in soup or salad?
Do you have any regrets?
Nope, I smoked 'em all...oh, regrets? Listening to Stryper.
Do you have any regrets involving kitties?
Salad.
What slogan or colloquial phrase best describes you?
PHAT.
Are you a traveller?
Who's asking?
Are you a peach?
Not if that's another code word for homo.
Are you a glue stick?
Yes
Would you surf?
I'd do anything for Claire.
If you could have one literary figure-come-to-reality fall indefensibly, unassailably, and just plain madly in love with you, whom would you prefer him (or her) to be?
Marypoppins...she was pretty hot.
Do you ever misuse the word "unassailably" yourself simply because it sounds cool?
I unassailably do.
Are you a registered voter?
No, I steal other people's ballots and vote for them.
If you were, would you be a Libertarian?
Do they get free stuff?
I didn't think so.
Me neither.
What's your favorite hymn?
Vinnie Barbarino.
What's your favorite him?
Hey, I'll make the gay jokes here thank you.
What about her?
Claire Forlani...*sigh*
Are you shy?
Only...no.
What is your honest opinion of basset hounds?
Soup.
What's your favorite boiled cabbage joke?
I don't need the points thank you.
Under what circumstances would you devour a plate of rocky mountain oysters?
In the circumstance they were placed in front of me...
Under what circumstances would you join the circus?
In the circumstance that Claire Forlani would soak in my bathtub full of tapioca pudding.
When did you first realize that you were not a midget clown?
When the United Midget Clown Association sent over some of their goons to jump me and I got a stubbed toe real bad.
When did you first realize that you were not a seal?
I haven't thought about that one yet...
Best potential for a girlfriend: fudgsicle or creamsicle?
Fudgsicle 4 shore.
High-end blockbuster or edgy art film?
I'm gonna say edgy art film.
Country or western?
Willie Nelson...oh, sorry.
Spectator or player?
We need a little more specific's than that for this one.
Do you really like hockey as much as the rumours say?
Yes?
If you could be a puck, who would you most want to slapshot you?
Rob Ray baby...no contest!!
Recognizing your fashion prowess, could even you make a tube top or pedal pushers look good?
I don't think you want to see my pedal's being pushed...heck, I don't want to see it.
How often do your parents embarrass you?
Not enough.
How often do your roommates embarrass you?
Too often.
How often do your so-called friends embarrass you?
All the stinkin' time...that's why they never amounted to more than so-called.
Are you black?
I've done the soul train once?
Is your roommate Elliott black?
Only everyother day.
