• Did that lady ever come out of the restroom last night? I don't think she did.
 5:03 PM   •  1 opinonated piece of What? 

• If you wanted to get in touch with someone you haven't seen in 10 years, and you didn't have an address or phone number, how would you go about tracknig that person down? Without spending money, of course.
 5:03 PM   •  6 opinonated pieces of What? 

• An insight into my brain of 1995.

What is a crap load exactly? We say it, but what do we mean? What if your idea of a load of poop is more than my idea of a load of poop? Is it a hand full? Is it a barrel full? What if it's two pieces to you, but three or four to me and 12 to someone else? What if somene said "I hate math! It's just a load of crap the system shoves down our throat." And to you a load of crap means rabbit turds. You would think the guy is crazy for hating something so easy. We need to clarify this ambiguity in our english language before somebody gets hurt.

I found that in a box I hadn't look inside of for years. I got a pretty good kick out of it. I was such a geek.
 10:49 AM   •  8 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Malos asnos de la tapa cinco en película...
(top five bad asses in film)

1)Josey Wales - Outlaw Josey Wales

2)Chilli Palmer - Get Shorty

3)Biondo (Blondie) - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

4)Harmonica Man - Once Upon A Time In The West

5)????

and in no particular order

 7:24 AM   •  5 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Please...PLEASE, check out levy's recent posts. All the way back to the one about his internet girl friend.
 9:52 PM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Seven retired firefighters were discovered to have been overpaid by the city of Buffalo, one of them as much as $98,000. City Hall is now demanding that they pay the money they "owe" back. There was a total of $350,000 overpaid between the seven men, and all of them are nearly 70 years old now. One guy even caught the mistake himself and questioned a payroll clerk about the extra money he was sure that he wasn't entitled to. The payroll clerk just assured him he was. Now, because of the cities mistake, and a major one at that, these men are going to end up losing on the deal. That sounds pretty messed up to me, if I may say so. Should these guys be made to pay back money that was given to them, although they weren't entitled to it? I don't think so. It may not have been theirs originally, but they certainly didn't steal it, or trick any one into giving it to them. One man even pointed it out in the early stages, but the city insisted on giving it to them. Is there a double standard here that says indian giving is okay if your city, state, or federal government? Apparently so, but maybe not. The men, and the firefighters union are fighting it, and hopefully they'll win. Hey, it was given to them, so it's theirs now, right?
 3:31 AM   •  ø 

• My little brother caught me laughing in my sleep yesterday. I was having a dream where me and my ma, my cousin, my sister, and both my brothers were at In'n'Out when we started laughing at this girl that had sat down next to us. We laughed at her so hard, and for so long, that I guess it just came out for reals. I didn't realize that I was really laughing out loud until Dave, who was on my computer, asked me what was so funny.
 3:11 PM   •  2 opinonated pieces of What? 

• If I were in high school still, something tells me that the situation I'm about to present would some how be completely different. You see, the class I'm in right now (the only class I'm in) is like a playground to me. I remember back in junior high, in my freshman earth science class, how I was friends with all 30 students that shared the class with me. I sat with about ten of them for lunch, which was just before the class, and we'd have so much fun that I actually looked forward to it. I didn't care that my grade was a miserable 50-someodd percent, or that I'd always get in trouble, because it was so much fun. That pretty much sums up my whole pre college career. But, now that I'm in "college", I wouldn't have thought that I could have just as much fun (thanks to my little brother sharing the class with me) and be getting an A in the class. Fantastic!!

I was inspired to write this because of how much fun I have with my brother (tonight, for instance) farting in class. It's become a game now for us, to see how loud we can do it before someone notices. So far, I have to be in the lead, cuz I've had some good ones.

I should rephrase that too, because it's not that we're trying to get people to notice the loud ones, rather just acknowledge them. The best fun is the silent ones, when we try to see who'll make the funniest face. So far, the only faces we've gotten is people looking at us weird because we're always laughing at "nothing". So they believe.

Pretty soon I think I'm gonna try to fart on my mom while she's doing our lab project. That would be a barrel of joy!!
 1:23 AM   •  6 opinonated pieces of What? 

• My mom asked me what movie I'd buy if I could go out and buy one today. That was a tough question because it implied that she might buy the movie I mentioned, so I didn't want to just rattle off any old movie that I liked. The movie I gave her as an answer would have to be the movie that I'd actually like to go out and buy right now. So, I told her I'd make up a list. By the time I was done, that list was 150 movies long and prioritized in order I'd like to buy them. Of course, they are all subject to change, and if you don't see a movie on the list it's probably because I either have it already or because I didn't consider it buyable. Or I didn't want it bad enough to put it on the top 150 list. Of course, I may be forgetting one or two as well.

You will note as well that this is not in order of how much I liked the movies, or how well I thought they were done. This is based solely on four simple criteria. 1)What I already own, taking into consideration genre, actors, and age. 2)What I would own if I were to buy these movies following the sequence of the list, taking into consideration genre, actors, and age. 3)How well I remember liking the movie. (For instance, Clay Pigeons landed at number 71. I've only seen that movie twice, and not since it first came out on video. I know I liked the movie enough to want to buy it, but I don't remember whether or not I liked it enough to move it any further up the list, you see?) Finally, the last criteria is 4)Taking into consideration if I own it in video already. This ties in closely with the first two criteria, but is different in the sense that just because I do own it in video, doesn't mean it loses any priority necessarily. Although, in most cases, it played a considerable part.

My list begins like this:
1)Last of the Mohicans
2)The Professional (directors cut)
3)The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
4)Usual Suspects
5)Prince's Bride
6)Reservoir Dogs
7)Suicide Kings
8)My Cousin Vinny
9)Ghostbusters
10)Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

Indiana Jones (series) came in at #21, The Sting at #24, Back to the Future 1 and 2 at #27, the original 13 Ghosts was #39, Breakfast At Tiffany's # 43, Grease was #58, Say Anything at #65, High Plains Drifter at #75, Posiden Adventure #81, Superman (series) #88, Star Wars Trilogy #95, Truth and Consequences New Mexico #103, The Godfather (parts 1 and 2) #113, Never Cry Wolf at #124, SLC Punk #133, Midnight Run #136, Goonies #137, It's a Wonderful life squeezed in at #145, and the last one to beat the cut was White Squall
 6:53 AM   •  6 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I finally figured out who dunnit. This here post has to do with the movie Reservoir Dogs. However, since not everyone has seen it, and some people (like myself) don't like to know about a movie before they get the chance to view it, I've decided to write the post inside the comment box. Please, go there now if you'd like to read my discovery.
 7:52 PM   •  1 opinonated piece of What? 

• The pacinian corpuscles in the dermis of the skin monitor sensations of pressure. Motor nerve fibers in the skin stimulate effector organs, resulting in the secretions of exocrine glands and contractions of the arrector pili muscles, which attach to hair follicles and surrounding connective tissue, producing goose bumps.

And all this time I thought it was from cold weather.
 7:43 PM   •  ø 

• If the phrase "funnier than snot" had never been used until now, then in twenty or thirty years someone would be learning in their etymology class that this story is where it came into existence.

My sister met some of her inlaws yesterday for the very first time. I guess a cousin and an uncle flew out here from back east to meet her, or something like that. Well anyways, at some point during the evening she observed her new husband playing with the tab on his coke can, not really thinking much of it, until she realized that he wasn't really playing with it, and so curiously looked a bit closer to see what he was doing. It looked like he was dropping a finger nail inside the can, so she shrugged it off and continued with whatever she was doing, not giving it another thought. Matt then proceeded to fall asleep for the next hour or so, until Beth gently nudged him to wake up so they could head home. With the coke can still in his hand, he thriftly gulped the last bit of soda that was left before his face contorted into a bitter beer face and he began to gag. "Oh my gosh, did you just drink your finger nail?" "No, worse." "You didn't just drink a booger did you?!?" "Five of 'em..."
 2:14 AM   •  4 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I wish all of you could know what I was talking about, but for the few of you who don't have television, simply try to imagine with me. For the rest of you, you know the commercial that has all the hot ladies walking past the camera, as it's focused only on their beautiful and sexy tummies, and suddenly their belly buttons start singing? Well, whoever made that commercial sure knows how to gross some people out. I've never, in my life, seen such a turn off before. I mean, you think you're about to enjoy the next 15 or 30 seconds of your life staring at beautiful, firm stomachs, and then POW! It's kinda like when you're out with your buddies and you see this chick from behind, and you think "oh boy, here's a hottie". And you're just waiting for this lady to turn around so you can absorb how hot she is before you faint, or go over and get her number, or chicken out from going over and getting her number, and then she turns around and she's a wreck up from the neck up. And you wish she never turned around so you could at least keep your fantasy, but you can't even have that anymore. Thats what this commercial is like. It's like a kick in the groin. I protest!! Singing belly buttons are disgusting, offensive, and totally uncalled for. I say we start a petition and ban them from ever being shown on television, or the big screen, again.
 12:24 AM   •  9 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Matt Curto called up a sports radio station last night, and the host hung up on him only to proceed to rip Matt a new one over the air. All because he's a Flyers fan.
 4:16 AM   •  11 opinonated pieces of What? 

• After three years, I've finally found a new library. Oh, there was nothing wrong with my local one. But, about three years ago I returned a bunch of books and movies late, and I never wanted to pay the late fee. Which I think was only like $20. So, about four days ago I visited the new Mission Viejo library (on La Paz), and found out that they're independant from the county libraries, which means they have no idea about my late fees. I'm free!! And, if you haven't been there before, it's a cool library. Worth a visit, I think...if you're into libraries.
 4:51 PM   •  1 opinonated piece of What? 

• When I showed up to work last night, I was just in time to witness the guy I was relieving get busted by the two girls he was dating. At first I couldn't believe how hot the one of them was, and I was jealous that he got to date her. Then I realized what a jerk he was, and that if I ever had the opportunity to date a girl as hot as her, I sure as heck wouldn't go blowing it by dating some other girl. For crying out loud, what a creep.

Oh, and I'm convinced that digital radio does have something for everyone. I was skimming through the list of stations and found one called: Hebrew Hits.
 6:21 PM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I'm sure you've all experienced this before, as I have, many times. After a long night (it doesn't matter what you were doing), you've decided to sleep in and catch up on a few hours of well deserved rest. But you're interupted by a neighbor who's decided that "today" would be a great day to play with their power saw. They don't really have anything that needs to be cut, or as a matter of fact, they don't even have anything that they're cutting, they've just decided it would be fun to plug it in, and turn it on, just to annoy the crap out of you. Especially when you're in a most irritable state. Do you find, as I do, that when you're wiped out and trying to sleep that the sound of a power saw is much like the sound of a blender that is on high, but the two pieces aren't together all the way? We call that the worst sound in the world. And it doesn't matter that it's 4 o'clock in the afternoon already. What gives this creep the right to come out and make so much noise when you're sleeping -- wait a second. What the...NOOOOOooooooo! There he goes again! That's two days in a row now. For crying out loud! I'm sorry folks, I gotta go take care of something. I'll catch ya later...
 3:12 PM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Who is Uncle Owen, exactly? That was the question that popped into my head the other night as I watched Star Wars on tv. And while it may seem like a simple and innocent question, allow me to assure you that it is far from it. At least, far from simple. At first, I thought there was no way Uncle Owen could be a Skywalker, due only to the fact that Anakin didn't have any brothers in the Phantom Menace. Are we to believe, as Jimmy would suggest, that Ms. Skywalker at some point after Anakins departure met Mr. Right (or Wrong, I suppose) and popped out another brat? I suppose it's possible, yet highly unlikely. That only leaves two other likely scenerios for the true relation between Luke and Uncle Owen. The first possibility being that he was actually the brother of Princess Amidala, therefore making him royalty. That was my first inclination, and a very interesting one at that. An interesting scenerio because that would make Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru royalty, posing as farmers, on some dinky desert hole of a planet. The second possibility is that there is no real blood relation, and he was simply doing his part to help the Rebellion, or Republic (another debate?) and here is where the wicked web begins...

I did some research on the internet to help bring resolve to my issue, and discovered that scenerio two is in fact the actual case. Uncle Owen was not a Skywalker, as I deduced, yet he's not an Organa either. Uncle Owen is a Lars. Which indicates quite clearly that he isn't royalty either. Not a problem -- yet. Not until you look at what a crappy job he did. His job wasn't even that difficult if you think about it. He got Luke when he was pressumably an infant, since Luke had no recollection of his own history. If your job is to not only protect this kid from the bad guys finding him, wouldn't it seem -- I don't know, logical?? to adopt a different title other than UNCLE? Isn't it obvious that as this kid grows up and meets new people, and makes new friends, that he's going to discover that these other kids are calling the guy that raised them Pappy, and not Uncle? Hmmm, seems like a pretty good indicator that there's gonna be problems when he gets older. And what's with letting him keep his old name (skywalker)? When the kid finally does grow up, and has to register his name some place, isn't Darth Vador going to recognize that this kid has the same last name as him? But lets stick with the Uncle Owen thing for another minute. Because, what boggles me is the idea that these people never stopped to think that by telling this kid anything remotely true about his father would eventually lead him to further curiosity about himself. How are you protecting this kid if you're creating the perfect scenerio for him to actually become the one thing that you were trying to avoid? What a bunch of numb nuts.

But I'm not even done yet, because I've got to talk about Owens actual ties to the Rebellion. In the Return of the Jedi, Obi Wan tells Luke that he was the one that actually split the twins up and hid them from Vador. That would make Kanobi just as much of an idiot as the Lars. O where do I begin??? How about with Leia, since we haven't even gotten into that whole debacle. Again, I remind the audience that the whole crux of the plan was to hide these kids from the bad guys, namely their father, Vador. For crying out loud, why would you make the one, not only a high profile figure, but actually the daughter of a King? How stupid was that? And then, we have the issue of Kanobi living down the road from the Lars family and Luke! What a moron! I bet he didn't even realize that it was this folly that indirectly led to their deaths! It reminds me of the old days, when I'd play hide'n'go seek with the neighborhood kids. Everytime, without fail, one of the other kids would want to hide in the same bush as I did. It's like hey, kid, there just ain't enough room here for the both of us. By Obi Wan sticking around, which I'm sure it was for the purpose of keeping an eye on Luke, he led the droids to not only Lukes planet, but to his very own house, which the Empire traced them down and destroyed everything Luke ever knew as life.

Which leads me to another very interesting point. Because Owen didn't speak very highly of Old Ben when Luke acted curious at dinner time. Which was probably the best thing that he could have done, since it led to their last arguement, which sent Luke away mad. That way, in the morning when he went out with C3PO, he didn't tell his Uncle and run the risk of beng delayed. Seems to me Luke got off pretty lucky there. But, my point is this...Owen didn't seem to think very highly of Ben. Now, that could be cuz of several factors. a)Owen was just faking it, so as to subdue Lukes curiosity of Ben and keep him from exploring that avenue. b)Owen really didn't like Ben, and thought of him as a risk. Or, c)I can't remember what c is...But then again, it is 6:30am now, and I've been rehashing this over and over again. So,I lost that bit up there some where in my brain. That just makes me wonder what Owens original ties were to the Rebellion, or Republic, or whichever it was at the time. And, it makes me wonder how supportive the Jedi council was when Ben wanted to hide the kiddies. I bet they just wanted to kill them both and avoid the complication of it coming back to bite them in the butt later. It's a good thing they both had more of their mother in them...except, they didn't much of the looks, now did they?
 6:20 AM   •  5 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I have a Mexican girlfriend. Although, you'd better have a pen ready if you intend on telling her that. As a matter of fact, you'd better have a lot of paper to write on too, because you'll have to write everything you say if you want her to understand any of it. She doesn't speak very much english, you see, and in order for us to communicate, that's how we manage. As a matter of another fact, when I have no idea what she's saying, and she writes it out for me, it usually confirms that I was correctly hearing her make up a word. So there are flaws in our system, but we're working on it.

I met her at work last weekend, and realized that she didn't speak good english (read: barely speaks at all) when I tried to ask her why it took her three hours to work out. She was apologizing for her poor english skills two sentences into the conversation. My brilliant response? "Oh no, you're doing fine. I can understand everything you say. Wha?...wha?...wha?..(after everything she said)." It was pretty amusing, espcially for a guy who can make himself laugh better than anyone else.

Now she comes in every night I work. She even asks me when I'm working next. My first mistake? Patience. Last night I gave her english lessons. I know, I know, go figure, but she doesn't know the difference. I got to asking her about her family, just as small talk, trying to figure out if they came to America when she did. It turns out that she came here all by herself, from Acapulco. Her family stayed in Mexico as farmers. Her father, she said, doesn't want to leave because "how do you say? He has two...woman?" Immediately sensing the sensitivity of the topic, I wisely chose to stare at her dumbfoundedly for a moment. "Oh really, wow. Does your mom know he's seeing someone else?" "She is girlfriend."
 5:15 PM   •  5 opinonated pieces of What? 

• The Two Cow Explanation for What Makes . . . . . .

A CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them
 4:57 PM   •  4 opinonated pieces of What?