• The wheels have now begun to turn. I've been studying for that physiology/anatomy test so I can get certified, and I'm just about comfortable enough to take it. So, I called the fitness manager today at our gym and arranged it for a Monday meeting with him. It looks like I'm really gonna do it. It's kinda scary, because I've always been a talker. How many times have I said I wanted to do something and never actually done it? Too often. I was shocked I ever worked in Hollywood. That was something I'd normally have just talked about and never followed through. I almost chickened out this time too, except I wouldn't let myself. I've beenwanting to do this for so long that I almost second guessed whether I was ready. But I don't have much time if I want to settle in before the next semester starts. I'm stoked now. I can't wait to get off graveyard and start making some real money.
 12:10 PM   •  2 opinonated pieces of What? 

• For the last few months my friend Christy has been working at a chiropractic office doing administration work, which pretty much translates into: she runs the office. There just so happens to be a deaf guy that hangs out around the plaza where the office is, and one day as Christy was going out to have a smoke, he approached her. Now, what he said is sure to offend a lot of the readers that come to my site. I'm not going to be so tacky and actually tell you what it was exactly that he said, but just know that it was sexual, it was vulgar -- and it was pretty darn funny when you picture it a deaf guy saying it in that deaf person voice. Anyways, needless to say it freaked Christy out, so she quickly retreated back inside and told her boss, Dr. Campbell, who brushed it off and said if it happens again they'll worry about it. So, Christy, who isn't one to want to cause a ruckus (??), figured that that was a good idea and let it pass.


About a week or so later Dr Campbell had left for vacation. The office was completely in Christy's hands, along with her help, a girl named Kim. It wasn't too late in the morning when in walks the deaf guy after about a week of absense from the plaza scene. Draped across his arm were a bunch of tee-shirts, which he revealed were Osama Bin Laden shirts. As he's showing these fine linens off to the ladies, he reaches into one pocket and pulls out a pistol. He then reaches into the other pocket and pulls out a clip. He clips the gun, hands the weapon to Kim, and then says "Now I need you to shoot me dead." Kim who is floored, fortunately finds enough sense to respond with "No way!" I can just imagine the awkward moment between Kims response and when Christy, the quick witted one, yells at the guy that the office is now closed and he needs to get out of the office. Both ladies came around the counter and pushed the Crazy towards the door, but as he's going he says "Wait a second, at least give me my gun back.", in which Kim obliges him, and hands the weapon back.


What great stupidity could this be? You're no doubt wondering. The girls dead bolt the door shut, return to the desk and discuss what to do next. Now, I don't know about you, my fair readers, but I think it would have been obvious enough to NOT give the Looney his gun back, let alone what to do next. Yet, our fine young ladies, no doubt just a bit frazzled by the mornings events, decided that they'd call a friend for advice. As soon as they explained what just happened the friend flipped out and said "What are you calling me for! Call the cops!" Christy promptly hung up the phone and proceeded to call 411. No, that's not a typo. She called 4-1-1, information!! for the phone number of the local police station. She gets a cop on the phone and says "Yes, I'd like to report a disturbance." "Okay ma'am, what sort of disturbance was this?" "Well we work at such'n'such plaza for such'n'such chiropractic office, and there was a man that came in." "Did this man cause the disturbance? What did he do?" "Well, he came in and had all these Osama Bin Laden tee-shirts." "And did he threaten you?" "Well he started to talk all wierd." "Okay ma'am, but what did he do? You said he caused a disturbance." "Yeah, he said all this weird stuff and then pulled out a gun..." "HE DID WHAT!?! DO NOT MOVE! I HAVE PEOPLE ON THEIR WAY RIGHT NOW!!! And ma'am, next time call 911, not me!!!"


Amusing, no? But not done. How long do you think it would have taken the whole police force to show up at the office front door? Well, it was about half that time that Christy felt such an over bearing need for a cigarette, in which she was so determined to smoke outside, crazy gunman or no (I mean, there is a law prohibiting smoking indoors after all, right? *sigh*), that she exits the office, lights her grit, probably got about two drags in when all of a sudden 15 cop cars come flying up to the front of the building. One plain clothes cop jumps out of the car, holding a giant shot gun, and yelled "GET THE F___K BACK IN THE BUILDING!!!!" Christy dropped the fag and scurried back inside like a little kid being ordered by her angry father to get out of the rain. I can just imagine her getting pissed cuz she didn't get to finish the cigarette too.


The cops ended up finding the guy around the corner and made the arrest with ease. And to make the story just that much more interesting, it turns out that the gun he had was fake. It was just one of those real looking ones. Now he's in the looney bin. I love it.
 5:26 PM   •  5 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Why is it that people think playing "games" in relationships is so natural or even necessary? Especially as a christian, whose relationship should mimic the ultimate relationship, which is the one we share with God. I don't recall Him ever caniving his people into joining the flock. It just seems stupid to me, and a waste of time. So much pain and difficulty could be avoided in so many peoples lives if everyone would just figure that out.
 7:05 AM   •  7 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I'm 26 years old now, and in celebration of this momentus event, here are some fond (and not so fond) memories I conjured up from over the last 2 1/2 decades.

Early Childhood

-- Batgirl -- my first crush

-- Peeing down my brothers back as he sat on the toilet taking a poop (I was a kid, okay?)

-- Peeing into a tic-tac container with the sole intention of convincing my neighbor that it was a refreshing sip of lemonade

-- My brother sticking a booger on my face while we played with the electronic race track in the basement

-- Convincing my other neighbor that there was troll living in the woods across the street from our house, and that it burried a treasure in his front yard

-- Convincing the same neighbor kid to dig up his parents front yard about 2 or 3 feet down to find the treasure...which wasn't really there

-- While my parents were in California, I was forbidden to go to my girlfriends house. Naturally I disobeyed thinking that my Aunt and Uncle (who were staying with us) were cool and wouldn't care. I recieved a phone call from my Uncle (who stands 6' 7") yelling at me to get my butt home as fast as I could. When I got there, thinking I was a dead little boy, he revealed he just wanted me to get home so we could go to the Monday Night Bills game.

Junior High/High School

-- Lugey spitting contests after lunch

-- Hanging Lugies on the ceiling above the girls locker room and watching them barely miss the gym teachers head as they dropped down (We returned to the school the following year and the hangers were still there)

-- Rigging all the earth science experiments and causing complete havoc in class

-- Teaching a girl how to punch correctly so she could knock out Tony Duffy's lights after class...right in front of the principle too

-- Having a hinge on the gym divider wall stab the nerve in my elbow, causing it to go literally dead for three days

-- Straining my neck so bad in PE (in California) that I was paralyzed for four hours and they had to call the ambulence

After High School

-- Carrie and Ashley

-- Seeing that dead body in Trabuco Canyon

-- Chris Levens (obviously an extremely postive, and continuing experience)


 11:50 PM   •  8 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Anybody who knows me knows that I tend to say things for reaction sake. I like to say things that I don't even agree with or believe, just to see what others will say. I like to get a rise out of people, and maybe that's not always good, but especially on the blog sites I like to push the envelope. Maybe it's something that I felt just for that particular moment, for any given reason, but normally I wouldn't think like that or say whatever I said. The same of you who know that I do it on purpose also know how to tell when I'm saying something I really believe, or when I'm joking, or vexing, because you've known me long enough to know what I really think. And the rest of the people that get their toes stepped on because I said something I don't worry about too much. But when it gets to be a bummer is when someone I do care about gets the wrong idea because they read something I wrote, and they're still getting to know me. I guess what I'm trying to say is sorry. I'm apologizing...of course under the presumption that this person is still reading my entries. I hope I even make sense...
 1:30 PM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• "So shall My Word be that goes forth from My mouh; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please. And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." Is. 55:11

God does what He wants, and what God wants, He does.

"Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him." Is. 53:10

What God does, pleases Him. But who did it please Him to bruise?

Christ.

Why did it please Him to bruise His Beloved Son?

"For the transgressions of [His] people...[so that] He shall justify many." Is. 53:8

 12:18 PM   •  ø 

• Everyone remembers the wonderful story of my trip to Islands with Levy, right? I know you gotta remember, Levy. That was the time that I caught you taking a few french fries at a time out of the basket we were sharing, chomping a bite, and then throwing the remaining half of potato back into the basket. I got all excited and grossed out cuz I hate sharing food -- *cough cough* -- and told you to knock it off. You didn't catch on, so I told you to use a fork, stab some fries, and then eat what was on the fork. So you took the said piece of silverware, stabbed a few fries, took a chomp out of what was on the fork, and then threw the fork -- along with the remaining half of potato stuck on the end of it -- back!! in the basket. As I closed out the story, Christina's sister, Theresa, remarked with impecible timing "So how many forks were in the basket?" Kids are incredible, huh? Simply incredible.
 3:10 AM   •  ø 

• I just remembered, something that the weirdo had said that made me think a little yesterday -- We have to get to the point of nothing (emotionally/spiritually) before we can create something new. I can't ever imagine thinking like that. It's sad really. From a christian stand point, we did come from a point of nothing. But it's because of that very fact that we needed God to rescue us in the first place. The point this guy was making was that we have to get to the point where nothing in our past can affect our future. It's a point where we completely let go of everything before we can move on and become a new person. I argue that not only is it impossible to ever reach a point such as that, but it's also utter foolishness to want to. My past is part of what made me who I am. It's my past that reminds me of who I am becoming -- in Christ. It's my past that reminds me that I can create nothing, and that's why I depend on, and turn to God, to mold me.
 12:14 PM   •  ø 

• I've been making it a good habit to use the jacuzzi every "weekend" (I have four day weekends), and so I was down there yesterday afternoon while another man was using it. Normally I'd of just left and come back, but this guy seemd innocent enough, being older and all. I was in there minding my own business when all of a sudden he started talking to me. He seemed alright, so I engaged him, but suddenly he got all into this crazy motivational/inspirational schpeil and I kept thinking to myself "what the heck are you talking about?". At one point even my phone rang, but I opted not to answer it because I was trying to be polite. In retrospect, I wish I had -- I would have had a quicker 'out'. About fifteen minutes into our conversation a lady entered and joined us. Thats when I took the opportunity to ease myself out of the conversation. But before I managed complete success I discovered that this guy was one of those "self improvment" seminar peoples. I guess he was practicing on me.

Once the lady got there I discovered two things about this guy before I just got up and left. One, he was one of those weirdo computer dating types. He started talking about how some girl in Russia started corresponding with him through email, and after about ten letters was talking about love, and marriage -- and green cards (<---I interjected that one. I got a good laugh out of the lady at least.) The second thing I learned about that guy was that he was a sissy. He had been sitting on the side of the jacuzzi for most of the time, and then out of nowhere he started rolling around on the ground while he was talking, and rubbing his chest. My jaw dropped before I started glancing around to make sure no one was watching this. That's when I jumped up and said "Okay! It was nice meeting everyone, I'm gonna get going now. No no no...I have a friend waiting for me. Can't be too late. Okay! Sure, yeah, I hope we can do this again sometime..." And then I bolted out the door. I think he was still talking too.
 12:01 PM   •  ø 

• Dave Bahnsen just won $30,000 in Vegas last month.
 11:22 AM   •  ø 

• I just got off the tele with Levy -- that kid cracks me up. He tells me how he got a job and so's I congratulate him on it. "Where did ya get hired?", I ask. "It's called United Parcel Service", he says. "UPS?", I respond. "...Yeah." So we get to talking about the job, and I mention how the driver he worked with over the holiday break (for those of you who didn't know, he's worked for UPS before as a temp gig) must have loved having him around, cuz Levy did all the work while this guy just drove. And Levy proceeds to tell me how this guy busted his behind to get the job done and "you don't understand how it is out there! It gets pretty hairy sometimes." What a crack up!! "It gets pretty hairy out there"
 3:57 PM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I did a search on Google, which took exactly .17 (that's point-one-seven) seconds to find 1.71 million (that's 1,710,000) possible matches. Creepy.

Seth, you remember that guy...whats his face...with the hairy back that used to live with you??? The guy that used to go grocery shopping every day, get mad if you used his sugar, and walked around naked and then got mad if you happened to stumble out into the hall way and see him in the buff? You know who I'm talking about. The guy that would leave dead rats in your cupboards for days until you or Tim found 'em?? The guy that would snore so loud that you'd think an elephant just farted outside your window, and sweat so much that you'd have to wipe down the chair everytime you'd want to sit there? Remember? The guy who had bad b.o.? There was something else about him too, but I can't remember how it went. It had something to do with the ladies...besides he didn't "have" any. Isn't there a funny story that had something to do with the ladies? Anyways, I think you know who I'm talking about. I've seen him twice in as many days now. He just sat across from me in the computer lab at school, but he's gone now. He must not have any recollection of me, which is fine, but I remember him. Oh yes...I remember him very well indeed!!
 11:20 AM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• The Fossums moved.
 9:13 PM   •  6 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Another downside to working such early hours is peoples bad breath. Between 3 am and 5 am it's halitosis prime time. One guy in particular can kill any medium sized animal from twenty feet away, 7 stairs up, and with his back turned towards his victim. This is a daily fact. His nostrils must be devoid of all its senses, cuz if my breath reeked that bad even once, I think I'd suffocate myself. I wonder what he thinks of me...imagine attending a club every day for six months and being greeted by an employee who has bitter beer face all the time (as far as he can tell). He either thinks I'm a lush, a hypocondriac, or a retard. Well, at least he has sense enough to drink 24 ounces of coffee to help mask it. (that was sarcasm)
 7:01 AM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• Two days ago my dad put flame stickers on his car. My pops car blew up yesterday while he was driving home from work. No no no, he's alright. But thanks for asking. How is that for some real life foreshadowing though? He was cruising down Trabuco, just before Ridge Route and the engine started to stall. As he was pulling over he noticed in the rear view mirror that there was an exceptional amount of smoke coming for the engine. Then he glanced over his shoulder and noticed that there were flames on the back seat. Too bad he didn't have a swivle (sp??) chair cuz he might've been able to put the flames out as he pissed his pants. Needless to say, pops ain't got a car now. Can you call him up, Seth, and help him figure out the whole bus system? Thanks man.
 2:22 PM   •  6 opinonated pieces of What?