• I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a friend about what we wanted out of life. It made me think about how important it is to know what you want in the future because it has such a great effect on your life now. For instance, of course I want to have the financial stability and security that it takes so that I could have a nice car, a nice home, enough to go out and not worry about the bills -- shoot, I'd love to be able to pay the bills. I want to know that I can support a family, not worry about surprizes like doctor fees, dentist fees, or if I can afford a new pair of pants after I tear the hems of my old ones. But while all those things are important to me, they aren't the things that drive me forward. They're not the things that motivate me to forge ahead. Well...not all of them at least. I think about being able to support a family and stuff. But what I'm most concerned about is being able to wake up in the morning and having the luxury of looking forward to my day. I want to enjoy what I do to make the money that I need. The money will always be there, and even if it's not, things will always work out the way they're supposed too. I just refuse to settle into anything just because I want a stability that is fragile anyways. That totally effects my life in the now, because not only is that the frame of mind I have when I make my decisions, but then those are the sort of things that a girl is going to want to know about me when she's making her decisions...if ya know what I mean. So, if she's all caught up in needing a new car, and needing money in the bank, and needing things, then she's not going to be as confident in my future. She'll be afraid that I'm gonna be comfortable living at home the rest of my life, with my parents, getting paid in fruits and vegetables just because I'm having fun at work. She's gonna be afraid that if we were together she'd always have to drive a lemon because we can't afford something new. Is that good or bad? I think it's just what it is. It's not good or bad. But I do think it's important to know what direction you want your life to go in. (oh yeah, and the chick example was just an example)
 1:26 AM   •  ø 

• I hate pointing fingers, but someone isn't performing up to expectations. Marley is supposed to be my arsnal. He's supposed to get my back. He's supposed to be my secret weapon, and bait. He's my partner. He's supposed to make the ladies swoon. So how is it, may I ask, that I got totally denied today in the mall?!?!?! We were in one of the stores, standing behind a very attractive girl, and she barely even noticed I was holding him. She hardly even acknowledged us except for when I pointed out that it would be in her best interest to purchase the magnet which read "I like to fart". I gave him the benefit of the doubt at first, that she must've been a lesbian and the girl she was shopping with was her partner.


I began giving him cute little kisses on the cheek trying to draw more attention to the fact that I wasn't standing there alone. HELLO PEOPLE...I HAVE A CHILD HERE!!! Fortunately we managed to gain the attention of the girl behind the desk. Instead of just being the next customer in line, she quickly vocalized her observation by stating "I can see you love your son very much." "Oh, he's not my son. I just snagged him from that guy over there. I don't even think he realizes his kid is missing yet." (I was pointing to my brother in law with an empty car seat). I'm not sure she caught the humor in that, but it certainly opened up for some conversation. I charmed her a bit with my quick wit and good looks, and then demonstrated how good I was with children. As slick as a door knob covered in snot I interjected how I bet she couldn't wait to give me her number. After all, I said, how could you resist a good looking man with such talents as child care??? Her response was a giggle. Oh yes, it was coming...I could see her reaching for the pen. Oh...she just needed my signature on the reciept. No really, I said, I bet you'd love for me to ask you out, wouldn't you? Her response was "why don't you ask her..." DENIED!!!!


How could that be??!?! I had the child right there in front of her. He wasn't presented as a cute little two dimensional child in some picture that might not even really exist. He was right there before her, manifest, in the flesh!!! How could my plan fail? How was I being rejected??? How was it that I did not walk away with her digits? I can only comprehend that my so called partner didn't step up to the plate. His timing must've been off when he blew spit bubbles or something. Maybe he didn't get excited enough when he should have. I guess we're gonna have to go back to the drawing board. I'm gonna need him this weekend to be on the top of his game. I can't accept this half ass effort. We're a team, and this needs to be 100% on both sides, or it's just not going to work.
 6:25 PM   •  7 opinonated pieces of What? 

• As I face my computer screen to type this, I can look up to see out of my window as the dark luminous clouds creep across the sky. There are only a few hints of blue managing to break through the cushions of whatever make up clouds anyways. And I'm reminded of what it's been like the last few weeks as the final days of this semester slowly inched by, and the dark luminous clouds of final exams creeped nearer, bringing the ever more reality of a lost semester closer to me.


Yesterday was the first test. I entered the class room with no hope of passing the final, and only the tiniest hope that my teacher wouldn't dare give me less than a C in the class. Together with the guy next to me, we quickly forced memorization of the only phrase we'd need during the oral part of the exam. "Yo no se, y yo no quidado" It means "I don't know, and I don't care". All too quickly the test had begun, and the next thing I knew, it was my turn to approach the teacher to answer questions.


Teacher: ??blah blah blah blah blah blah blah?? (in spanish)


Me: ??Yo no se?? (forced big smile)


She insisted I could do it. I insisted I couldn't.


Teacher: Okay, okay...how about this one? ??blah blah blah blah blah blah blah??


Me: Nope.


She tried again to no avail. It was hopeless. Finally she resorted to one last desperate attempt to give me points. "Okay Ernie (cuz that's what they called me in class this semester), can you at least tell me two holidays in spanish?" "Oh yeah, sure I can do that!! Navidad, y........(brain fart)......OH! Anos Nuevos!!"


Teacher: "Very good Ernie!"


Me: "No it wasn't! You just resorted to desperation to help me pass, and I could barley get that one! I sucked!!"


Teacher: "No no, Ernie, you did fine."


I returned to my seat to finish my written part, where I had to translate a paragraph into english. I couldn't figure the middle part out, so I ended up writing: "...and then he did a bunch of other stuff..." I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but I'm pretty sure I failed. I'm just glad that it's over for now.
 2:52 PM   •  2 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I went to Matt Curto's aunts house over the weekend for her annual christmas party, and Matt walked into the screen. It was pretty funny, but he scratched up his glasses really bad. Kelly (his wife) ended up getting super mad about it...who knows why...but she stormed off and suddenly we heard this *crash*. We turned around and Kelly had walked right through the stupid screen too!! We laughed so dang hard it hurt.
 1:56 PM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I have two neighbors that ever since we moved in here I've been convinced are shackin' up. They're almost 60, and both their houses together are about as long as ours. But that's all irrelevant to my story really. Diane is having a new deck built in her back yard, which is on the lake. So, the builder guys have all their crap in her driveway...including the out house. My mom went out front to do something, and there was Dennis dressing it up with christmas lights. She just kinda stood there watching for a second, without saying anything, and Dennis noticed her. "Yeah! The official lighting ceremony is gonna be tonight. We're gonna set it off with a fart."
 1:29 PM   •  4 opinonated pieces of What? 

• How the heck does air pressure work anyways? I mean, I don't think they even have a name for the number of molecules it takes to make up all the air in our world, and even still, all those molecules added up are so stinkin' small that they're invisible!!! But if you move fast enough, you can feel 'em. And when they move fast enough, they can tear down trees, and throw garbage cans, and knock over little old ladies. I mean, these teenie weenie, itsy bitsy, little molecules, that when stacked upon each other...miles high...that still can't be detected with the naked eye...can create enough pressure to crush a man? Or if you climb up, not even to the very top, the lack of proper pressure can cause you to explode!?!?!? It's mind boggling. It is simply mind boggling.
 1:35 AM   •  1 opinonated piece of What? 

• I was admiring how incredibly cute my nephew is the other day. And then it dawned on me, how that when I have kids...they're gonna be even cuter! It's almost inconcievable, but you know it's true. I mean, he's just so darn cute!!!!!!! Does it even get any cuter than that?
 10:19 PM   •  ø 

• Today's Health class lasted all of 10 minutes, when suddenly the teacher just started yelling at us that he's just going to pack up and leave. "Is that what you want??" *silence* "Okay! I'm leaving!!!" And that was it. Class dismissed.
 12:28 PM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What? 

• I wonder if I'm a genius? *sniff sniff* My hand kinda smells like poop.
 11:16 PM   •  10 opinonated pieces of What? 

• As I was driving home from work this morning, I couldn't help but ponder how close death could be to anyone in any particular moment. Like, for instance, as I was driving home, how easy could it have been for a car to drift over into my lane for a head on head collision? Or, how easy could it have been for some one to clip me in a lane change on the freeway? Or slam on their brakes and kill me? Or something as simple as me tripping and falling before I slam my skull into the pavement? I mean, you just don't know what form it'll take, but death could be moments away from anyone...from you...right?


And then I began to realize that that is true for everyone EXCEPT me. How can I so boldly make an unpredictable statement such as this? Because death would be too convenient. It'd be like winning the lottery...and the most I've ever won playing that game is five bucks the first time I ever bought a ticket, and since then (eight years later), I haven't won a thing...not even a free game.


Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want to die...at least not anymore than the next guy (or gal) who knows they've got something better waiting for them on the other side. I can appreciate my position here on earth, as a part of God's wonderful plan for humanity...no matter how small and insignificant it may seem. And I can accept that role, some days better than others. But even still, there are moments, which I'm sure everyone can relate with, where you just can't wait for it to finally end. When will all the confussion, and pain, and anxiety, and obstacles, and just plain sinnfulness GO AWAY!?!?!?! I hate the fact that every ounce of my body knows and believes what is good and what is bad, but yet, I still find it so much easier to lay in bed on a Sunday morning, instead of heading to church. I hate knowing that prayer is not only an integral part of my life, but a commandment in my life, and yet I can't get more than three minutes into one before I'm thinking about something else. I hate knowing that it's better for me to surround myself with positive spiritual influences, yet I cling to my godless friends from school or work, and only make irregular visits to my christian friends. These are some of the things that are constantly bugging me...nothing gets done about them...but nonetheless, they're still bugging me, and they make me yearn for heaven.


But, just as the rest of my life goes...I never win anything, so I got the feeling it's gonna be a looooong hard life before I ever get the chance to enter them pearly gates. So, I guess at some point I'm just gonna have to buckle down...right?
 11:15 AM   •  3 opinonated pieces of What?