18 x 4

1. Favorite band?
   Hoady Carmichael and the Jive-Jumpin' Flippos. ~no, REALLY...how can I box it in like that? Faves run the gamut from 7 Year Bitch to Cat Stevens to Grieg~
   
   
2. Favorite band-aid?
   HEY! No product endorsements here!!
   
   
3. Favorite colour?
   Ivory. Or orange. Sometimes a very deep gray.
   
   
4. If you had to be a sexy mermaid, in which of the seven seas would you prefer to reside?
   What the hell do mermaids and salad dressings have to do with one another?? You really are strange....
   
   
5. What about if you were an ugly mermaid?
   The bleu cheese...there's all those chunks to hide behind. And who says that I'm not an ugly mermaid?
   
   
6. Why do you start crying if you look at the sun for too long?
   I'm a female -- ANY body (celestial or otherwise) hotter than mine makes me edgy.
   
   
7. Goatee or sideburns?
   I don't expect that I'd look good in either, or that either one would taste terrific floating in my Seven Seas.
   
   
8. Do you fear babies or rabies more? And aren't they really the same when you get down to brass tacks?
   Rabies, but yeah, they'll both cause you to foam at the mouth eventually.
   
   
9. Love: can you spell it out in 25 words or less?
   The earth opens up and swallows everyone else: would you be content conversing with this person till the end of time? No?? Keep waiting, toots.
   
   
10. Do you think we should take Canada quickly by force, or through years of duplicitous negotiations?
    We should follow Japan's course of action in regards to the U.S....go buy wads and wads of their property, build massive corporations and manufacture all of their televisions. Land control and mind control without one shot fired.
    
    
11. Do you think God hates homos?
    God hates no one. We are his children, and despite the pain we cause, he loves us immensely.
    
    
12. Do you think it's offensive to call people who choose a homosexual lifestyle "homos"?
    No. Dorky, but not offensive. For the record, my gay pals prefer "fag".
    
    
13. What's your sign?
    Straight up Aries, baybee.
    
    
14. What do you want out of life?
    Hmmm....I got good hair; I feel like I'm pushing it if I ask for much more.
    
    
15. What do you want out of your social life?
    No venereal diseases. Not even the minor ones.
    
    
16. What do you want out of your bank?
    I just want the assurance that my pocket lint is being safely guarded and/or wisely invested.
    
    
17. Which do you put on your eggs: catsup or ketchup?
    Louisiana Hot Sauce (and for the record, that's no product endorsement)
    
    
18. If you were to be a Mark Ryden painting, which would you be and would you hope that he painted more sausages in it?
    Ecstasy of Cecilia IS me, dintchoo know? *hmph* And there ARE more sausages in it...they're inside the piano.
    
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19. What do you sing in the shower?
    Throaty, full-throttle blues.
    
    
20. What would you name your two heretofore unnamed goldfish?
    Flusher and Unfed
    
    
21. If you were a movie, which would you be?
    The Corndog Man
    
    
22. Can I be in your posse?
    Only if you have no objections to blanket subservience. That, and no objections to the prospect of being eaten in the event of a messy plane crash in the middle of nowhere.
    
    
23. You find a sizable, lavender lint ball (with a hair going through the middle of it) in your dryer. Do you give it to your husband hoping to thrill him beyond measure?
    Whose hair is it? Is it Janine Turner's?
    
    
24. Boxers or briefs?
    Boxers. ROWR.
    
    
25. When I say "1980s," what's the first song to come to mind?
    "Always Something There To Remind Me"
    
    
26. When I say "poor fashion taste," what do you think of first?
    Pauly Shore. Oh my sweet Jesus, Pauly Shore.
    
    
27. When I say "Bananas in Pajamas," how do you most want to respond?
    I get an odd urge to jump on the bed.
    
    
28. Will you hit me as hard as you can?
    Only if you'll cry, girly-man.
    
    
29. It's Tattoo Day! Where and what?
    A UPC symbol, on my ass (prolly left cheek-wise). So's I can one-up the government by beating them to it.
    
    
30. Do you get along with ethnic people?
    AHHHH-hahaha!! You said 'ethnic people'!
    
    
31. When I said "ethnic people" just now, were you afraid?
    Of you.
    
    
32. Do you think Bruce is an inherently gay name?
    Not really, but "Brucey" sure is.
    
    
33. How 'bout Cynthia?
    Inherently bitchy, yes. Gay? No.
    
    
34. What would you put on a necktie?
    Mustard, saving the wearer the trouble.
    
    
35. If, because of entering into the Witness Protection Program after providing testimony of your intimate knowledge of the dealings and activities of the notorious Gambino crime syndicate, you had to change your name, what name would you pick?
    Something low-key and catchy, like Trixie Malarky or Hemophiliac Jones.
    
    
36. Have you ever awoken with a horse's head on your bed?
    Recently? Still attached to the horse? You MUST be more specific!
    
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37. How much do you like kitties?
    Is there a negative scale in regards to this question?
    
    
38. Do you have any regrets?
    *puts on serious face* I subscribe to the 'No Regrets' philosophy. I feel like I've learned valuable lessons/earned character with each action I've taken in life. Up until two days ago, I literally had no regrets. Now I have a single one, and it's killing me, really eating away.
    
    
39. Do you have any regrets involving kitties?
    *smirk* Absolutely none.
    
    
40. How about with sausages?
    Woo-hoo! SAUSAGES!! No, really....involving beer, or not?
    
    
41. What slogan or colloquial phrase best describes you?
    Oh man, I really suck at questions like these. Lemme get back to you one this one.
    
    
42. Are you a traveller?
    Yes.
    
    
43. Are you a peach?
    Absotively.
    
    
44. Are you a glue stick?
    After partaking of certain substances, I am for a bit.
    
    
45. Would you surf?
    Lend me a board?
    
    
46. If you could have one literary figure-come-to-reality fall indefensibly, unassailably, and just plain madly in love with you, whom would you prefer him (or her) to be?
    Oh, ack, Ponyboy Curtis. Mmmm....James Fraser.
    
    
47. Do you ever misuse the word "unassailably" yourself simply because it sounds cool?
    No, but 'indefatigable' sure kicks some ass. 'Soniferous' is good, as well.
    
    
48. John Cusak or Mel Gibson?
    Cusack, hands-down.
    
    
49. What will you do for your next publicity stunt?
    I call it 'The Great Chinchilla Incident'...spontaneity is the key, my darlings.
    
    
50. Do you think this will make you over-hyped?
    I never know from one minute to the next. Don't really much care, to tell you the truth.
    
    
51. What's your favorite hymn?
    I can't remember the frickin' name, but it starts out, "There's within my heart a melody..."
    
    
52. What's your favorite him?
    Hmmm....there are many. Each has his own capacity of/category for 'favoriteness'. Hope you don't mind.
    
    
53. What about her?
    Ditto, but Scout runs a far lead, along with Sydd. If Sydd had been a man, I woulda married her, I like her that damned much.
    
    
54. Are you shy?
    I'll get back to you on that one when I stop guffawing.
    
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55. What is your honest opinion of basset hounds?
    They're an okay sort. I bet they throw some kick-ass parties when we're not watching.
    
    
56. What is your honest opinion of death?
    Inevitable. Not scary.
    
    
57. Thinking as would a praying mantis, under which circumstances would you devour your mate?
    Not unballing his socks before hamperizing them. Forgetting a simple reqest, especially one made repeatedly, in a kind and not-so-kind manner. Answering a question with a question (uberGRRRR!). Not putting my CD's back in their cases when done with them/removing them from the changer.
    
    
58. Under which circumstances would you join the circus?
    Well, if they drove close enough to my house and slowed down enough for me to hop a caravan and gave me sufficient time to gather my hair brush and beer bong (so's I'd have a suitable and competitive act), I WOULD BE SOOOO THERE!
    
    
59. When did you first realize that you were not a midget clown?
    Sadly enough, when the other midget clowns in our tribe mocked and ridiculed me and called me "Stretch".
    
    
60. When did you first realize that you were not a seal?
    Drat. Another illusion dashed.
    
    
61. Best potential for a boyfriend: fudgsicle or creamsicle?
    Fudgsicle has staying power. Creamsicles make me wanna chuck after the first couple of tastes.
    
    
62. High-end blockbuster or edgy art film?
    Edgy art film.
    
    
63. Are you as angry as you seem?
    And don't you forget it, fucker.
    
    
64. What excites you?
    You would run home, crying to mama to wash your eyes out with soap if you dared read it.
    
    
65. Recognizing your fashion prowess, could even you make a tube top or pedal pushers look good?
    Depends. Who would I be forcing to wear them?
    
    
66. How often do your parents embarrass you?
    Gleefully, maliciously, or both?
    
    
67. How often does your husband embarrass you?
    Never. I am usually the partner that is causing the whole "duck-and-head-for-cover" syndrome.
    
    
68. How often do your so-called friends embarrass you?
    Only on alternate Thursdays.
    
    
69. Are you black?
    Only on alternate Thursdays.
    
    
70. Are you sure?
    Only on alternate Thursdays.
    
    
71. Do you like me as much as the rumours say?
    Only on alternate Thursdays.
    
    
72. I thought so.
    Because I programmed you that way. Neener-neener.