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Alas, those
among us that are fucktards and/or overly-litigious require the structure
of rules. Please be understanding:
1) You must be eighteen years of age to be eligible for this
tomfoolery. Notice I didn't say 'you really should be eighteen years of
age'. Don't make me go rounds with your momma. I will motherfucking win,
champy.
2)
E-mail submissions will ONLY be eligible for drawing selection from
12 ay emm CST on the 21st of the month to 12 ay emm CST on the 27th of
the month.
NO EXCEPTIONS. You may
e-mail me at any other time, but said mail will be not considered
for drawing selection.
3) Spam of
any gender, race, color, religion, sexual orientation, national origin,
etc. will NOT
be tolerated in any way, shape or form . From anyone. Forever
and ever amen. Period.
4)I prefer not
to/cannot/absolutely refuse to be responsible for misdirected,misguided,
unreceived, unruly e-mail. I just can't bring myself to be.
5) E-mail should be directed
here. All submissions become property of me to do with as I please.
You been warned.
6) On or about the
27th of each month that this tomfoolery is ongoing I will sift through
selected submissions and pick two: a winner and a runner-up. An attempt
will be made to contact the winning submission's sender via e-mail (see
rule 4) or site announcement on the 28th. If, after 48 hours, the winner
has not responded, I will attempt to contact the runner-up in the manner
previously described. If the runner up punks as well, nobody receives a
waaaaaay rad TACKY PACKtm that particular go-round. Unless I
change my mind. Then all bets are off.
7) The drawing will be completely
unscientific. My children will fight over who gets to pull a slip of
paper containing the Lucky Recipient's name out of a cup or bowl or hat.
I cannot in all certainty guarantee which child or which container will
be implemented.
8) Winner must supply
a valid mailing address for THEMSELVES. Where THEY recieve mail. Not somebody
else. Hell, I don't care if you live there, work there or purchase yer crackrock
there. It
just has to be a valid postal address and you must be authorized to receive
packagey-type things there, mmkay?
9)
TACKY PACKtm will be mailed on or about the 7th of the month
following the drawing.
10) See rule 4.
Substitute the word 'mail' for the word 'e-mail'. Thank you.
11) I make no guarantees about the size of the package.
*snort*
12) I also make no guarantees
about the contents or value of the package. I will simply be grabbing the
things that I think are the most amusing at any given time and shoving them
into a mailable container to send to the Lucky Recipient.
13) I reserve the right to pull the plug on these shenanigans the
very MINUTE I get pissed off at or bored with them.
14) This is filler because 13 rules will just curse the project
from the outset and besides, everything runs in multiples of seven
around here. You can't win more than
once in a ninety-day (three month) period.
The
next rule just kind of snuck up on me. Sorry I forgot it.....
15) According to Delmer Skeets McGee,
I "might want to add verbage stating that by entering said person agrees to hold you
and your family and all your pets harmless to any and all legal recourse, and that
entry, selection, or any other form of interaction does not constitute a contract."
So there. I did. And I rilly, rilly MEAN it.
Oh,
wait! Delmer forgot something....
16) "...oh yes, and that entrant agrees that any appeals or complaints
will be arbitrated by one of your family members who will ultimately decide in your
favor...." Right on, Delmer, you smart motherfucker, you.
**Now
plant your tongue firmly in your cheek
and get to
e-mailing!**
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