18 x 4

1. Favorite band?
Tenacious D

2. Favorite band-aid?
I think groupies are annoying. Not too fond of them. But ifI had to pick one, I'd say George. He's a little slow up there, but what a guy.

3. Favorite colour?
Are you a canadian? This has been getting to me for a while. Blue, Mr. I-think-I'm-better-than-everyone-because-I-spell-color-with-a-u.

4. Favorite colour for a television set?
I've never bought a set of televisions, but if I did, I would get one black and one white, that way I could make references to my black and white TV set. Then, people would groan, and never come over to watch movies or the superbowl. (The football event, not the haircut.)

5. If you were a donut, what kind would you be?
Sugar. Because I'd be popular, but not TOO popular.

6. Why do you start crying if you look at the sun for too long?
Because it sends you telepathic insults about your momma.

7. David Duchovney or Brad Pitt?
Harrison Ford.

8. If you could be a SuperFriend, which one would you be?
Am I bad friend now? I like to think that as a friend, I am pretty super. If I had super strength and the ability to travel at great speeds though... I think I would probably be better.

9. Do you eat fish?
Not often. Unless it's in a taco or a burrito.

10. Do you think we should take Mexico quickly by force, or through years of duplicitous negotiations?
Well, I'm a opposed to forcably taking them over, but they've started taking US over slowly through years of illegal immigration. I think we should just build a giant mind control device. But not if untill this fella in office is gone. He's a little loopy and might abuse the mind control.

11. Do you think God hates homos?
That's ridiculous. God isn't big on the hate scene.

12. Do you think it's offensive to call people who choose a homosexual lifestyle "homos"?
Nah. (Insert clever remark here.)

13. What's your sign?
"Right lane must turn right - Except public buses." On the corner of Broadway and Campbell. It's been a good sign the past few years, but I am thinking about getting a new one.

14. What do you want out of life?
Out of life... I think probably confusion or hate. If I took confusion or hate out of life, things would be better.

15. What do you want out of your social life?
Mark.

16. What do you want out of your bank?
An extra zero or three.

17. Which do you put on your eggs: catsup or ketchup?
A1

18. You're too young to drink aren't you?
Legally. But only alcohol.

19. What do you sing in the shower?
When I think about you I touch myself. Really loud. But only if I have company.

20. How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?
DUH, 3. Haven't you ever seen the commercials?

21. If you were a Tim Burton movie, which would it be?
Batman. How about you?

22. Do you sell moonshine on the black market?
No... no of course not. (Nervous glances around the room)

23. You find a sizable, lavender lint ball (with a hair going through the middle of it). Do you give it to your girlfriend?
Oh so this is just a BIIIIG joke to you, eh? "Pick on the llama because he has no girlfriend." HAR HAR.

24. Summer dress or long black skirt?
I wish someone would give ME a lavender lint ball... *sob*

25. When I say "1980s," what's the first song to come to mind?
Miami Vice Theme. Download it, listen, and laugh at a decade.

26. When I say "poor fashion taste," what do you think of first?
8th grade.

27. When I say "Bananas in Pajamas," how do you most want to respond?
With nervous twitches and screaming chaotically. Bad summer camp memories.

28. Will you hit me as hard as you can?
Is that a request, or an inquiry about the future? Either way, yes.

29. Who would you pay NOT to live with?
My parents. And starting in about two weeks, I finally will do just that.

30. Do you get along with ethnic people?
No, they scare me.

31. When I said "ethnic people" just now, were you afraid?
A bit, yeah.

32. Quick, cold shower or cozy bubble bath with vanilla-scented candles and lilac soap?
What do I look like, some kind of GIRL? ... ... ... the bath....

33. Would you rather be a Beatle or one of the New Kids?
A Beatle. Ugh, I hated the New Kids.

34. Have you ever kissed your mom... in that way?
Nope... just yours. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!

35. If, because of entering into the Witness Protection Program after providing testimony of your intimate knowledge of the dealings and activities of the notorious Gambino crime syndicate, you had to change your name, what name would you pick?
Tony Danza

36. Have you ever awoken with a horse head on your bed?
Kind of.

37. How much do you like kitties?
I'm starting to like them, but still prefer dogs.

38. Do you have any regrets?
Eh, not really.

39. Do you have any regrets involving kitties?
Nope. WAIT... Yeah... poor thing.

40. What slogan or colloquial phrase best describes you?
Never do tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

41. Are you a traveller?
No, not yet. But I will be, you can be sure of that.

42. Are you a peach?
Not currently.

43. Are you a glue stick?
Sometimes. But again, not currently.

44. Would you surf?
Yeah, if I had the opportunity. Would you ever try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with shredded beef?

45. If you could have one literary figure-come-to-reality fall indefensibly, unassailably, and just plain madly in love with you, whom would you prefer him (or her) to be?
So, is that a no on the sandwich?

46. Do you ever misuse the word "unassailably" yourself simply because it sounds cool?
Actually yes. And this isn't me trying to be funny or clever. I really, really have.

47. Are you a registered voter?
No. I know, I'm bad.

48. If you were, would you be a Libertarian?
I was thinking about being a Librarian.

49. I didn't think so.
Sorry to disapoint you, sire.

50. What's your favorite hymn?
El shaddai. Ya dig?

51. What's your favorite him?
Kevin Smith.

52. What about her?
Natalie Portman

53. Are you shy?
No, are you?

54. What is your honest opinion of llamas and basset hounds?
One has a long neck and lecks, the other really doesn't. They are like the yin to each other's tang.

55. What's your scam?
I told my high school band that I got married a few weeks ago. They all believed it. That was pretty good. I had the elaborate story to tell them all, and brought a pretty girl with a ring.

56. Under what circumstances would you devour a plate of rocky mountain oysters?
So long as I had a tin of tang to drink it with. And some money to do it.

57. Under what circumstances would you join the circus?
Once I joined the circus. It wasn't the fun. People were whipping me, and riding me, and paying me in peanuts. I quit.

58. When did you first realize that you were not a midget clown?
When everyone kept telling me how tall I am while I was growing up. I realized "I can't be a midget clown. I'm a really tall clown. What was I thinking??"

59. When did you first realize that you were not a seal?
When I just couldn't keep things together. baDUMbum.

60. Best potential for a girlfriend: fudgsicle, creamsicle, or 50/50 bar?
Creamsicle, because fudgsicles look like frozen poop, and I don't know what a 50/50 bar is. Creamsicles have always been good to me.

61. High-end blockbuster or edgy art film?
Which ever has a better story line. And hotter girls.

62. Did you know that llamas spit?
Shut up.

63. In gangsterland, would you ride shotgun or running boards?
Probably running boards, because I don't know what that is.

64. Do you really like gin as much as the rumours say?
That's Jett. She also needs some cigar boxes. Do you have any? DO YOU??

65. If you could be a puck, who would you most want to slapshot you?
Dave Loftus of the U of A icecats. What a guy. What a guy! (I'd also pick Keith Mitchel, but he's defense.)

66. Recognizing your fashion prowess, could even you make a tube top or pedal pushers look good?
PSH!! YEAH!

67. How often do your parents embarrass you?
Approximately twice daily.

68. How often does your brother embarrass you?
HAHA! I HAVE NO BROTHER!!

69. How often do your so-called wives embarrass you?
Not that often, but sometimes they pester me.

70. Are you Asian?
Not really.

71. Why not?
It's my mom's fault, blame her.

72. And what's did you have for dinner?
Gin and peanut butter with beef.