More people read my blog than I had noticed. Again, this is weird. But there have been people coming to my site lately that I had NO idea that they even knew how to get here.

Maybe it was random link clicking, maybe not. Some of the people I thought had completely forgot about me all together. Weird.

Val, I saw you at the hockey game the other night. You were too far away, so I didn't get to say hi. But I did see you there.

In other news, I found my wallet, and I also got the car towed. So, I'm moving back to real life again. Awesome.

I hate pointless entries.

And now, for a moment called

It was late, and we had been partying. Yes, it was my birthday weekend. I heard the water running form the bathroom, as I readied myself for sleep. The water just ran and ran, as if nobody was using it. That's when I heard the voice.

"Hey, come check out how cold our water actually is," demands with enthusiasm one Bling Bling character.

As we venture into the bathroom (myself and the girls, I mean) we took turns sticking out hands in the running water. Then stared at the handles on the faucet. Then stared at Bling.

I think it was Capcom who said "Um... the water is on hot. All the way."

...

....

Silence filled the room, only interupted by the sound of steaming hot water draining into the sink dark hole of emptiness.

"My bad." - Bling Bling

Due to a lack of even one email in the past week, Llama Mail Bag has been canceled today.

And also, I didn't blog because I was way partying for a while.

But now the birthday week is over....... what HAPPENED??

Well... it's official. As of today I'm no longer a teenager. Now, I like to wear plaid pants and listen to AM stations. I'm going to start leaving my turn signal on as long as I deem neccesary, and driving way to slow. I've already started my dirty old man business, checking out the college girls on the nearby campus. I'm going to argue about the price of milk, and talk about how in the old country milk was free. You just needed a bucket, a cow, and a little gumption.

List of things to do tomorrow:
Buy a cane.
Get the mail in my underwear, and yell at the high school kids walking by if they are laughing at me.
Sit on the porch with my dog and glare at people going by.
Drive really slow in the left hand lane. Change lanes without looking.

I'm looking forward to my retirement.

It's Monday, and we all know what that means!!

You don't know what that means? Look at the title, you uninformed bastard. It means it's Mail Day!! Here's the first email.

Dear Beloved Llama of Fanciosity,
I feel badly that no one is asking you questions, and since I have indeed not met a llama who is fancier nor awesomer, I shall ask a question:

Why does your name, llama, have 2 "l's" at the beginning? (Ok, I know it's a lame question, but it's late Friday afternoon, and I've had a long, long week.)

G. Oldielocks

Dear G.,
I feel badly that no on asking my questions too. But I don't feel badly for me. I feel badly for them. They don't know what impending doom lays in their path now that they have ignored the llama's request. But I guess they had another thing coming to them, eh? They don't realize how awesome I am, I guess.

Anyway, on to your question. The reason for two L's is simple, blondie! When you put the same letter twice in a row, it automatically becaomes a cooler word. I thought about making it three letters long, (since I am the one who developed the word "llama") but I didn't want to be redundant.

I mean seriously, if I had walked around being the Fancy Lama, people would have been like "oh man, just another animal. Doesn't sound very cool though. Let's beat him up and take his money." But with an extra L in there, people don't wanna fuck with you. It's just a fact of life, Gg. Oldielocks. (Work on beefing that up some how, or you're gonna be short some cash one day.)

Well, that's all the time we have for today, my llama lovin' amigos. Hope this helped with your curiousity.

Have you ever been bit by a goose? I don't know of anyone who's ever been bit by one. I mean, I'm sure I know someone who has, but I don't know that have. Ya know?

Come on, you punks. Send me some freaking email. I'm comfortable talking about anything. Like how awesome I am, or how the world works. Or my opinions on things like TV shows, or things that aren't TV shows... or anything. I mean, have you ever met a Llama that is fancier or awesomer than me? Then why won't you ask me a question??

You guys ruined my dreams. Thanks a lot. For NOTHING.

Punks.

Starting now, your beloved Llama of Fanciosity is accepting emails for the new project on the site. Llama Mail Bag!! I'll be trying to answer one email a week. Here's how it works. You send me your emails right, and I post my favorite one for the week on the site and respond to you. Now, everyone is going to see this. So don't put things down like "Llama, I bet you are sexy. I want you so bad, because you are, in fact, so sexy. You are sexy to the maximum. MAXimum sex. Oh yeah." or something like "Oh Llama, you're so awesome. You're the awesomest." If you have something like that, send it to this address instead.

But feel free to ask whatever you want or bring up a topic, or a suggestion. Anything you want. If I think it is funny, or cool, or... stupid... I will post it here and respond to it however I deem worthy. So go! Write your asses off!

PS - I will eventually have a link on the right for the emails related to the mail bag. But right now I am... too.... um... well honestly too lazy and tired. But mostly lazy.
Click here to email the Llama Mail Bag
LlamaMailBag@cox.net

I lost my wallet. License, credit card, atm card and account number, membership cards... everything except for my Social Security Card was in there. Fortunately, there was no cash, and I have been keeping an eye on my account status. I notified my bank, and looked in EVERY space that this significant leather product could hide in. I'm grumpy as fuck.

I hate when my friends are feeling down and I can't really cheer them up. I can make them smile, but can't make things right for them. That bums me out, man.

Also, I realized today that I can't remember the last time I told someone I love them. I'm scared of the word. I hear it from friends sometimes, but loosely used. I want to love again. Not necessarily romantic love. Just love. But love hurts too much, and I'm still afraid to really get close to anyone right now. Again, not necessarily even romantic. I can't be as close to people as I used to be. Is it because I don't trust people now? It can't be that I am devoid of sentiment because I still feel everything else, including the LONGING to love and to BE loved.

Love is like my wallet. Lost, and I wonder if I will ever find it again.

Well, I had a wonderful weekend kiddies. Friday night I had a party for Jaws as a "welcome back from the war" party. That was a blast. Saturday morning I woke up and got some food from Jaws' momma. She made enough food for 10 people, but it was just Jaws, Bling and a fancy llama. Eggs by the dozen, bacon by the pound, hashbrowns by the sack...of potatoes, milk by the gallon, pancakes by the stack... and I start becoming redundant in my style. Point is, lots of food was there. Then went home and met up with some friends from Flagstaff, and they hung out with us for the evening (another party) and Sunday. It was a blast to see them again. Then, like every good story gone bad, I had to go to work. But only for a few hours.

And then Monday came. All I did today was sit around watching movies, playing video games, and hanging out on the internet. All day. Every Monday is like this. I have nothing I HAVE to do. So, I do nothing. I could do laundry, I could get my car fixed.

No. I've GOT to lay around.

That about sums everything up right now.

Well speaking of things that fucking rock my world, why don't we talk about my evening. That's right, I got to see them, and you didn't. For those of you not in the exclusive know, I attended the grandest concert I've yet to see tonight. For those of you who don't know the scheduling dates of tours in Arizona (believe me, it's nothing impressive) I went to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers tonight. What a show. What a show.

But I don't feel like reliving my moments. I feel like laying in my bed, thinking about lilies and things.

I'm terrible at correspondence. If someone sends me a letter, no matter HOW much I like them chances are I won't write back. It's not because I don't want to. It's just because I don't. I don't know why that is. As a matter of fact, I have a letter in my car that I got about 3 months ago that I still haven't even opened. And this was a letter that was written for the sake of getting a response back.

I must have some sort of disorder. Good thing I have the internet to satisfy my correspondence needs.

I'm also really bad at writing back in emails. So scratch that last point I attempted to make.

Hey so there's a ghost in my restaurant. Right now. Seriously.

It's been doing all kinds of things, and I didn't believe them about it. "Yeah right, you guys are just imagining things." Coincidences, I figured. The chandelier started swinging from an air current in the room. The lights flashed from oddly timed power surges. But when I was the only one in the room, I found the flaw in my thoughts.

So, I walk through an opening, which can either be considered a LONG doorway, or a short hallway. It's a doorway that's about 3 feet thick.

Anyway, I walk through the doorway with a sandwich board in my hands, which is clear of any obstruction. I put the sign down, and I turn back around, and now there's a 2 foot tall pepper grinder placed PERFECTLY center of the doorway.

Huh. THAT was freaky, and way cool.

Lately I've been feeling like I am stuck in this weird funk of a place in my life. I don't know exactly where it is that I would rather be, but I know it isn't here. I'm full of so many emotions everyday, and I am sick of every one of them being negative. I just want to be happy. For one day. Is there ever a break in time where I can be happy from the minute I wake up till the minute I go to bed? Just for one day? I mean, I'm not asking for a perfect life. I know that it's not going to happen; that's just the way it is. You have your ups, and you have your downs.

But lately, I've been riding low and it feels to me like I just keeping barrelling down down down with no hope of ever looking up. Obviously that can't be the case, as I know that things always look up. I know that I need to keep a positive mind. That's what people used to know me for... being so fucking optimistic it made you sick. But sometimes it's hard to keep that optimistic mind.

So what do I want? I know that I used to be happy, but I don't know why I am having so much trouble being so now. Is it friends? I used to have lots of friends, but the numbers are steadily decreasing. Some move away and friendships start to fade. Some stab me in the back and leave me for dead, showing me that the friendship that I have held in such high regard was all just a facade. Those that are still left have very different schedules than I do, and thus I don't see much of.

Mom, I understand that the money is good. I know you want me to be there to help with things, and I know it's a good time to work there. But I can't deal with him telling me how many things I have fucked up today without ever hearing one "good job" or "don't worry about it." Does that make me insecure? Does that make me weak, to want to get away from hearing that? If so, I'll announce it right here on the world wide web for everyone to see.

I'm a pussy.

I DO need someone to reassure me sometimes. Not that I need it constantly. I just need someone to say that they like me sometimes. I think I could probably deal with the other problems with work. Just not that.

I know I am not a good server yet, but that's because I haven't had many tables to learn on. I've never been trained, and I've only had two tables. I can't be perfect yet, give me time to learn what I am supposed to do if you won't tell me. I know I will get it. I'm not worried about that one bit because I will learn quickly as I gain experience.

I know that I am still learning my roles as a manager, but that's because I've only been a manager one night and you didn't even tell me what my responsibilities are. I'm 19. I have no fucking CLUE what to do with this position, especially if you haven't told me even ONE FUCKING job duty that I have. But I am not worried about that one bit, because I will learn quickly as I gain experience.

But what I can not deal with is every single day being put down in such a derogatory manner. Why can't he ever just toss me one shred of respect? I know I am not doing it right. Just tell me. I can handle that. What I can't handle is when you tell me that I fucked up and you're sick of the way I do things and you're the only one who ever does anything right in this family. If you're so FUCKING perfect, then run everything by your motherfucking self.

I can find another job. I can find something else to do with my Friday and Saturday nights during college. I'm trying to do you a favor and help you out, and all you do is tell me I can't do anything right?

Just like me, please.


Hey, Dad, look at me
Think back, and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I’m wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapproved all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for
You can’t pretend that I’m alright
And you can’t change me

‘Cause we lost it all
Nothin’ lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t care any more
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’s all right

‘Cause we lost it all
And nothin’ lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be perfect

Nothing’s gonna change the things that you said
And nothing’s gonna make this right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

'Cause we lost it all
And nothin’ lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be perfect

Simple Plan - "Perfect"