Well today it starts. The new job finally begins, I'm out of the restaurant. Three years there, 4 years at the last one... The 7 year reign of terror is OVER. And I love my parents, but this is my saving grace so I can finally get away from them a little. It'll be good to have my own space finally, I think it'll actually make me closer to my family.

As far as my life is concerned... I'm still really confused about everything, but I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Now let's not be late to first day of training.

I don't know if it's ego, or pride, or whatever, but something stands in my way of letting myself accept what it is I really want... Deep down inside, I want someone to care for and about me, and to tell me that I'm great. Someone who will calm me down through all this crap that I get myself overly hyped up about. Not because I need to feel like I'm great... but because I need to feel like I'm worthwhile.

Is it weird to compare yourself to Tinkerbell? No, not saying I'm a fairy. But the idea behind Tink I can almost relate to. I feel like the longer I go without someone who really believes in me, the more I wither up and die. I know it's a weakness, but still... I need someone to clap for me, so to speak. Because I don't know how much I believe in me anymore.

No, by no means is this a pity party, so I didn't get any grab-bags for you, nor do you need to bring presents or even attend for that matter. I just think I need to get this all out on that virtual piece of paper, mostly so that I can get it out somehow. This actually feels like a comfortable place to post again.... too many people were coming for a while. Especially IRL people.

I think I'm afraid to be let myself be loved. And I need that so badly. What kind of fucked up situation is that? Sounds like that Fancy Llama to me.