And now, my thoughts. To be typed out in a rather non-sensical fashion, one would guess, as they seems to be filling my head much faster than I am ever going to be able to empty it.

Yes. Overwhelmed is definately a good word to describe what I have been lately. Yet very suprisingly I've also been underwhelmed. Now I'm sure that the laws of science ...orwhatever... dictate that being under and overwhelmed at the same time is quite impossible. But let me assure you that it's only improbable; very quite possible.

Life scares me to death. Mildly ironic, no? At least more-so than 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife, I think. But questioning it's irony aside, it's altogether too true. I feel like I'm turning into a full fledged adult way too fast lately. And I don't even know why I feel that way. I think it's maybe because I'm starting to realize that some of the things I wanted to do before I was stuck in the rut of "go to work, pay bills, sleep, repeat" aren't going to happen because I'm already in aforementioned "rut." The alwaysyoung side of me keeps saying "well then change it you ninny" but the realistic side of me says "HA!" with such a hearty fullness that the alwaysyoung side runs and hides behind what's left of my irresponsibility.


And here it's happened again. Just like every other post, I don't know how to continue on. So many posts have been typed out and then left with that blinking line at the end of an unfinished thought, only to be deleted and lost to the unclaimed voids of the technoverse. So, instead of closing out my browser, this time a subject change.

I'm rather excited about this summer. It will be the longest time I will have ever been away from home. I'm going to New Jersey for an approximated 6 weeks. I'm excited and still very nervous. I can't help but think this is a bad idea, that I should get back home and keep working and be around my dog and take care of the bills and... I don't know. Not be vacationing. But regardless of all the self doubt that seems to be filling my soul the past couple-o-years, I'm going. I am going. I AM going. I WILL have a good time, and I keep promising myself that I won't needlessly worry about too much. But it's very hard to do for me, I'm very much a worrier. How do I calm that?

I miss posting. I really do, believe it or not. This page would argue that point all day and night and all day again, judging by how very not frequently I come around nowadays. It does let some of the pressure out from inside of my head. I just end up getting frustrated with realizing how much is left unresolved in this ever-full thought box of mine.
I feel like sometimes I am drowning and I don't even know how or why. Abruptly ended, by the Llama's unwillingness to take a deep breath and continue on.