Thursday, January 31, 2002

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When we were young, we all did some pretty stupid things…right?

My boyfriend and I mutually broke up the day before Mothers Day 1999. The next day I headed up to the high desert to visit my grandma and my mom to celebrate their day.

I left early to avoid getting stuck in the Las Vegas traffic but unfortunately the masses had the same idea. We crawled along somewhere around 5mph and sometimes slower. I was bored. The radio stations had poor reception so I began to call my friends hoping that they could entertain me while I sat. No one answered. As I sat dazed an image to my left caught the corner of my eye. It was a large red truck with a sign pressed up to the passenger's window "Call 'I-don't-remember-the number'". I looked away quickly and then I looked back. The sign was removed and two guys were smiling and waving and the sign flew back up to the window and the holder pointed rapidly at the number. He held up his phone and smiled.

I looked away and caught myself starting to laugh. I was flattered, but I NEVER act on random invitations by men. For that matter, I had only dated guys that I knew for a long time. I called my girlfriend to ask her for advice. She didn't answer.

So I decided to ignore them. They didn't let up with the sign or the honking or the waving and eventually their persistence paid off. I called the number. We chatted and I made up some phony story about where I lived and what my occupation was and he said he'd call me that week to set up a date.

He called me the next day. We talked and set up a meeting. Afterall, I didn't even remember what the driver looked like- they were in that raised truck and I never really made eye-contact and he didn't seem like a psycho. I told my boss about it (he's a retired cop) and he cautioned me and asked for me to give him his plate number and station number (the freeway guy is a fireman).

To be continued….

 9:43 AM   •  11 mistaken birds 

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Driving home last night through Laguna Canyon my cars thermometer said it was "ICY- 31 degrees" outside. I was all excited that it said "ICY". I didn't know it knew words, usually it just displays the temperature.

 8:21 AM   •   no hope? 

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At lunch today I stopped into Mother's Market to buy some soup to-go (that's the only thing I buy there because I can't stand that vitamin smell health-food stores have lingering in the aisles). As I was waiting to place my order I saw a familiar face next to the stawberries. Perfect exercise outfit and diamond earrings. Corrine. You know how there's always 'popular' people in the world? She must be on the top 100 list somewhere. She is very beautiful and all the guys wanted her. You know the type, right? Well, that's her. And that isn't me and I suppose deep inside I've always wanted that, even though it is shallow. *ouch*. I know its not good to hold grudges or to wish ill on people- but years ago I ran into her at the movies and she called me over to her group of friends. I introduced the friend I was with and then Corinne asked "how old are you now?" I answered 20 or something like that and then she laughed and all her friends laughed. And Gianna and I just turned and walked away and I was so confused because Corrine was only like 21 herself. It was stupid and lame and I should be over it, right? right. But truth is... I guess I'm not.

I looked away and then looked at the deli counter- eyes focused on the vegan tamales. I didn't want a vegan anything- I wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
She moved close to the counter and I had to look her way, we nodded hello and gave our courteous smiles. We said some brief words and went our own way.
I really like my life. So why do I sometimes want to be someone else?

 1:41 PM   •   no hope? 

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This is just too fun!
Your husband's name is Michael Kolster and you have 3 children. You're a Photographer who drives to work every day in a Taupe Mercedes 320.
It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with Michael Kolster in your mansion in Paris.

 1:29 PM   •   no hope? 

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100 things about me:

1. My maiden name was Oliver.
2. The Dane called me "the olive"
3. I never knew my biological dad but I kept his last name even when my mom remarried
4. My 'dad' lives about 30 miles from me and I suspect he has no idea I know where he lives.
5. I barely graduated from high-school because I took 39 days off school my Senior year.
6. I never took the PSAT's or the SAT's.
7. I went to community college for two semesters and only completed a couple of my classes
8. I never checked any of my college grades
9. I hate talking on the phone
10. I had red streaks put in my hair once and no one liked it but me.
11. I always thought it would be fun to dye it some funky color, but I know I never will.
12. I've had the same friends since elementary school.
13. I like sushi.
14. As long as I don't think about what it is I'm eating- I'll try it...once....
15. Sometimes I feel ignorant.
16. I hate the idea of going back to school just as much as I'd love to get a degree.
17. I doubt I'll ever go back.
18. I hate wallpaper.
19. I love the way my husband decorates.
20. I am lazy- unless I give myself a list of things to do.
21. I love big dogs.
22. I strongly dislike cats.
23. I've owned two horses
24. Horses are great pets
25. Plants don't like me because I kill them.
26. I want to have two kids.
27. We're waiting until we travel to have children.
28. I want to go to Europe
29. When I lived by myself, I collected Paris/French things
30. Now all those things are cluttering the guest room/office until we buy some furniture for the room
31. I love to buy new clothes
32. my dream job was to be a 'fashion merchandiser'
33. I decided I hated being materialistic and got an office job
34. I shopped myself into debt when I was 18.
35. My parents and my grandparents have claimed bankrupcy within the past 9 years.
36. I worked my way out of debt and my husband paid off the rest when we got engaged.
37. Sold most of my cd's to the Wherehouse to pay my bills.
38. I wish I could create my own website.
39. I plan on buying some books to learn, once we buy a new home computer.
40. I am addicted to reading blogs.
41. I cried when I found out Kaycee Nicole died.
42. cried again when I found out she wasn't real.
43. From 1996-98 I contemplated moving to Tennessee.
44. I wanted to escape my life
45. Moved out of my parents house in 1999.
46. I really liked living alone.
47. I love living with my husband
48. We haven't had a fight in the nearly two years we've been together.
49. I'm extremely afraid of men with tempers.
50. My husband is the best friend I've ever had.
51. I had a crush on one of my coworkers until he asked me out.
52. We never went out because I freaked out and told him I was busy.
53. My favorite store is probably Pottery Barn.
54. I enjoy doing laundry.
55. Only because I love our new washer and dryer.
56. I want to learn sign language
57. I don't know anyone who is deaf.
58. I'm very opinionated.
59. Although I often keep those opinions to myself to avoid confrontation.
60. I belong to a non denominational Christian church.
61. I'm just starting to read books again.
62. I'm reading 4 books right now.
63. I am double jointed in my arms and legs.
64. Didn't even realize it until someone said that their arm didn't bend like mine.
65. I like to write in calligraphy.
66. I've gotten more girly since I've been married.
67. I like being barefoot.
68. I like to buy makeup- but I wear very little.
69. I almost never wear skirts or dresses.
70. I take everything personally.
71. I wish I didn't.
72. I own my own house.
73. I love small venue concerts.
74. I never listen to the radio in the house.
75. Detest clutter.
76. I hate standard house cleaning.
77. But I like organizing and everything being in it's place.
78. Hot showers are a must- daily.
79. I shave my legs everyday.
80. Eaten at drive-thrus only twice since November 2000.
81. Illiminated them when I started trying to eat healthier.
82. Now I don't like fast food anymore.
83. I'm terrible at ironing.
84. I like to workout at the gym.
85. Getting me there is like dragging a dog to the vet.
86. Once I'm inside, I am recharged and ready to come back the next day.
87. The next day I act like a dog being dragged back to the vet.
88. I'm CPR and AED certified.
89. I've never had a boyfriend cheat on me.
90. I found out one of my boyfriends was gay.
91. Mike and I got to know each other via email.
92. We'd ignore each other in person.
93. For over a month I tried to figure out which "Michael" it was that was emailing me.
94. I went on a date with a guy I met on the freeway.
95. That was one of the dumbest things I ever did.
96. I weigh the same amount as I did when I was 16.
97. I still see myself as 20+lbs heavier.
98. I loved indoor rock climbing.
99. I haven't climbed for 3 months.
100. I refuse to count calories, fat grams, etc.

 11:37 AM   •  13 mistaken birds 

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help. I'm stuck in a funk and I can't get out.

 11:35 AM   •  3 mistaken birds 

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Time to take the Friday Five:

1. What cologne or perfume do you wear? Either Michael by Michael Koors or Abercrombie and Fitch signature fragrance.

2. What cologne or perfume do you like best on the opposite sex? Calvin Klein's Obsession/Eternity/Escape or whatever the other little cologne bottles on our dresser are- they're all good as long as it is applied lightly :-)

3. What one smell can you not stomach? cigarette smoke, b.o., or shrimp paste. Ewwwe....

4. What smell do you like that others might consider weird? I don't know...I'll have to think about that one. Now I'll be out sniffing everthing wondering if it is something others would think is weird. Hmm...I guess that is weird.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? I don't know yet. I suppose I'll go to the gym sometime. And I was thinking of maybe going to the lab tomorrow morning. And I'd really like to see a few movies still. Or maybe I'll just sit around and do nothing since it is going to rain on Sunday.

 8:04 AM   •  1 dove of hope 

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 1:14 PM   •  3 mistaken birds 

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Good morning!

 8:21 AM   •   no hope? 

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I went to the doctors today to find a solution to my health problems. Something just isn't right and I figure I know my body better than anyone. The doctor thinks I have hypoglysemia, which isn't really a big deal but I'll need to monitor my food better. He prescribed a 3 hour glucose test for me at the lab to confirm. I don't think I'm going to go until next Friday because I don't want to take the time off work. And it's not like its getting any worse, it is just the way it is.
But I don't want to go on a food plan. I don't want to eat snacks all day. I just want to know how to eat exactly what I already do- but not feel shakey and irritable and freezing cold and cloudy a couple hours after I eat. For all those who don't know what it is like, it is similar to a panic attack. For all those who do know, what do you do that helps?

 3:59 PM   •  5 mistaken birds 

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I am craving a piece of carrot cake right now. Yum. it sounds good. I sure love that cream cheese frosting. It is the only frosting that I really do like.

 4:16 PM   •  3 mistaken birds 

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Life is strange sometimes....

A friend of mine had a baby in April 2001. In early December she told me that she was pregnant again. She went to the doctors last week and they said that everything was coming along fine but that they couldn't hear a heartbeat and wanted her to come back for an ultrasound this Thursday. She wasn't worried until she started bleeding this weekend and believed the baby was miscarried. The doctor got her an appointment to have an ultrasound on Monday- when they foound out that there was no baby. Her body was indeed pregant, but a baby was never there. Isn't that weird? Her body began bleeding because it now knows something is wrong and soon the sack (that usually surrounds a baby) will break and then she'll be back to normal again. It was the oddest thing.
I guess it is pretty rare, but more common in women who have recently given birth and are in their late 30's/early 40's.

 2:44 PM   •  1 dove of hope 

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oh...one more thing about the Golden Globes (which did tape on the vcr I should have used to tape Alias)- most of the dresses were uglier than ever!

 4:26 PM   •  1 dove of hope 

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I admit it. I confess. I am a "Alias" addict. Last night it our vcr didn't record it and I threw a small temper tantrum. Then Mike through in a "I told you to set both vcrs- just in case" and I nearly hurled the couch cushions at him. It didn't tape. I didn't get to see the new episode. But thankfully I was able to read about it on their awesome website.

Jennifer Garner deserved the Golden Globe. If you haven't watched it yet- check it out on abc at 9pm Sundays.

 4:18 PM   •   no hope? 

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I'm here. I'm working. Even though most people have today off work- our company keeps the holidays to a sad 5 per year. It robs people of company morale.... don't you think?

 10:11 AM   •  2 mistaken birds 

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Rachel, you're an Observer!

Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types — your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type. You are an Observer which means you are a Discreet / Golden. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Discreet" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Golden" characteristics.

You like television. At parties, you lounge around on couches and watch other people flirt and act stupid. But at the same time, you're happy enough to go along with the group. You don't like drawing attention to yourself — red platform shoes or flamboyant, sequined outfits are out of the question. A perfect evening for you means a cozy chat with a good friend and a pint of Haagen-Dazs.

 3:51 PM   •  2 mistaken birds 

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I have begun reading The Hobbit- and I am already enjoying it....

 2:54 PM   •  1 dove of hope 

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I saw A Beautiful Mind on Saturday and it was excellent. I highly recommend it.

 10:18 AM   •  3 mistaken birds 

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In driving home last night, we noticed that the gas was low in the car- but I figured I'd just fill up on the way to work today. We pulled into the garage and I ran upstairs and got ready for bed.
When I left for work this morning the car was full of gas. I thought that maybe I had dozed off and we had stopped for gas or that I imagined it being near empty in the first place.
I emailed Mike about it and he confessed that he had run out while I was preparing for bed and filled up the tank.

Things like that are continual reminders of what a wonderful and thoughtful husband I have.

 10:32 AM   •  10 mistaken birds 

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The Friday Five.

1. What was your first job? After I graduated from highschool (18 years old) I got a job as a cashier at Charlotte Russe.

2. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 15 or 16

3. What was your first car? What happened to it? A light blue Honda CRX. I sold it in the Auto Trader and bought another car.

4. What was your first concert? I think it was Michael W. Smith's "Big Picture"concert at Disneyland.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? tomorrow morning I am going to watch 'Bridget Jone's Diary' and then I have no set plans for the rest of the weekend. There is a tentative party planned on Sunday to celebrate Mike's grandmas 80th birthday.

 8:10 AM   •  4 mistaken birds 

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Do you know anyone that currently attends Lee University in Tennessee?

 3:29 PM   •  7 mistaken birds 

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why is it that you can break-up with a boyfriend/girlfriend and it is accepted and sometimes even expected- but if you want to end a friendship with someone, it isn't?

 9:28 AM   •  27 mistaken birds 

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A Survey

Floss before brushing or brush before flossing?
Whenever I remember

White walls or colored walls?
I love our tan and burnt brown walls downstairs. Upstairs it is all white- but I expect us to paint them this year.

Old computer or new?
we have a old laptop that I hate to use because it is so moody. We'd love a new one

Dog or cat?
Dog. No cats- ever.

Sun tan or sun burn?
first I burn, then I tan.

Books or magazines?
either. I'm trying to read more books and the only magazines I read now are 'Real Simple' and 'InStyle'

Skydive or bungee jump?
I'd love to do both!

Dusting or mopping?
neither. I'm spoiled- Pablo does it for us.

Past or present?
I love the present

Sports or chick flicks?
either. I love basketball and I enjoy football, but I also like a good chick flic.

 2:35 PM   •   no hope? 

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when I was 15 my bestest friend invited me on a missions trip to Mexico. Our goal was to begin building a church in a small destitute town. After 7 days we had built the foundation, flooring, and the roof and so we headed home.

Our driver for the ride back to California was a just-graduated-from-high-school guy named Jim. He had spent the week oogling after my friend, but she could have cared less since she still wasn't all that interested in boys. As we pulled up to her driveway he said goodbye to her and then he said to me "I've never met anyone that cared so much about what people thought of them as you do. I don't automatically respect people, they have to gain it- and you never did that." I was dumbfounded.

I walked into Heathers house and called my mom to come and pick me up. She could not have driven fast enough to get me. If I could have, I would have magically transported myself home. I hung up the phone and began to cry as Jim drove away. Heather asked what was wrong and I lied. I said that I just didn't want to go home, but nothing was further from the truth. Jim's words stung. They endlessly repeated in my head and I couldn't stop crying. I remember that day clearly, it was a comment that I still think about often because I do struggle with wanting the approval of others. I am reminded that my worth is in Christ and not in other's opinions of me.

That year in biology I disected a pig. I named it Jim.

 1:20 PM   •  7 mistaken birds 

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I hadn't felt like writing much lately, but I'm over that idea now.
On Thursday I had the "heart to heart". I don't have much to say about it but that I am hoping I can be bigger than hiding from her if I see her somewhere. Do you hide from anyone?

I can only think of one person I hide from. Every 3 months or so I end up dodging her at the hair salon. I found out that she gets her hair done by the same person I do, and we always seem to book our 'cuts' on the same day. I decided that I am going to try to break the cycle and schedule my next cut sooner than usual. The only reason I avoid her is because I anticipate a confrontation and I think it'll be so stupid when it does happen. I heard that she is very upset that we didn't invite her to our wedding. Some people just don't understand that there are limits to the amount of people that can be invited- ours was just too tight on space- so the list had to be close friends and family and as it was there were 170 guests.

 8:59 AM   •  7 mistaken birds 

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do you ever feel like you need a good cry? I've heard that most men don't feel this way, but I think most women will know what I am talking about.
I need a cry right now, but I'm at work and I can't go anywhere. Okay...I think I'm recovering now. Oh, dear. I'm just a volcano waiting to explode.

 2:33 PM   •  4 mistaken birds 

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Work today is boring. I don't have much to do but filing and data entry. Neither of which have any deadline, but both will need to get done someday- and I have a feeling that it'll one day consume me. I know there is two years of backdata in a large drawer that I'll need to file. I hate the file room. If I bring in a CD player it wouldn't be bad at all- but it is musty and dreary and library-ish back there. Can you tell that I dread it?

In any case, I am wearing my new sweater that I got for my birthday. It is very cute, but it sheds. I'm wearing beautiful beige pants and they are contaminated with black fuzz balls. Ugh. I've been sitting here with a big roll of shipping tape driving myself nuts.

 10:28 AM   •   no hope? 

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Happy New Year Everyone!

 10:05 AM   •  1 dove of hope