thanks to the amazing jettgrrrl for this reference. and thanks to the meathead who designed this webpage for the poor arithmetic skills. it was definitely good for a laugh.

but then, maybe its not a mistake. perhaps only four of the flavors are actually delicious. the other two maybe awful. in which case its a pretty clever marketing technique not to tell the consumer which are good and which arent. after all, theres a pretty good chance that youll have to buy some nasty ones before you find all the tasty ones. too, its sort of like a puzzle. how exciting to figure out which of the six flavors are actually delicious. sign me up!

or perhaps, all six are actually delicious, but they only recommend stocking up on four. perhaps, its unsafe to have a stockpile of protein in more than four delicious flavors.

strangely, im in the middle of an interesting phenomenon, literally!

i have both a professor and a student with the first name of nolan. pretty crazy huh. i doubt such threefold bliss will ever occur again, expecially as soon less frequent to be a student. not to mention, studies show that most nolans while being stellarly good looking and abounding in charm go into fields such as acting and modeling. only the humble nolans become teachers.

last nights class was hardly so fun:

its a brand of torture that spans three precious hours. the first 90 minutes were occupied by a woman of seemingly pleasant disposition, but whom i know to be masquerading as a sinister force behind a deceitful shroud of courtesy. her topic was ADHD. she proceeded with care to ennumerate the various signals of people with ADHD, things such as inabillity to focus, fidgety, restless, impulsive. And believe me, i knew that even as she was describing the very threads of my physiological and psychological fabric that she was judging me. the stingingest part is that every so now and again she would let fly a little spiteful something along these lines: "The mother of that ADHD student simply said 'No, we won't be doing that exercise at home.' and i knew that she too has ADHD." so you see, the most devious of her schemes is the ability to seem objective and empathetic while compiling the details of her pschoanalysis upon the subject. truly a foe to be reckoned with.

the latter half of the night was led by the ordinary instructor, a woman far more transparent, and hence far less interesting. she spent her 90 minutes reading a 40 page government form to our class (and no, im not kidding!) the only upshot of the night was an anecdote, nay more of an interjectory tangent, about a 4th grade student who was suspended from school that very day. the tale went something like this:

(to protect the privacy of the little swindler we will refer to her by the two names She and Her)
She had spent a good portion of the previous day spitting on the other students in the class. Today they simply wouldnt stand for it. When She first began to spit on Her classmates Her teacher instructed Her to go directly to the back of the room and spit into the sink until She had spit to Her hearts content. After a period of sink spitting, She paused and was asked, "are you going to continue spitting on the other students?" to which She heartily replied, "YES!!". She was then instructed to spit into the sink some more. After another period She returned finally to Her seat. very promptly She began spitting on her mates again. the teachers aide approached Her and She spit on the aides shoe. the aide dealt quite calmly and wiped off the saliva with Her pantleg. She didnt like this at all and to demonstrate Her discontent She spit directly in the aides face. this of course resulted in Her being sent to the principals office. when the principal began to confront Her about Her behaviours, She spit straight into the principals face. and for this She was suspended.

that tale alone almost made the night worthwhile.

so i had a bit of fun in class today.

the class is the history of mathematics. we had discussion section today and this is how it went:

first some background: we are studying ancient egyptian fractions. their fractions were always of the form 1/n. that is the numerator was always 1, with the sole exception being 2/3. so there was a problem from the egyptians that was something like "if seven loaves of bread are to be distributed to ten soldiers, how much does each get?" we of course say that each gets 7/10, but that wasnt one of their fractions. their answer was 2/3+1/30. it turns out that another answer is 1/2+1/5. our homework question was why do you suppose the egyptians preferred 2/3+1/30 to 1/2+1/5?

several students posited some very nice suggestions, which i could tell were intellectual and well thought out. after four such suggestions, the ta asks, anyone else have some ideas? to which i piped up, "yeah, i did some research and what i found is that anthropologists believed that the soldiers preferred to have the larger piece of bread and they considered the small 1/30 nibble as sort of an after dinner mint. Moreover, my reading said that it was easier for the egyptians to cut loaves into 1/30 (which could be done with the naked eye) while cutting into 1/5 required special instruments that came only from china. seeing as distant travel was difficult in those days, its easy to see why they preferred 1/30." then i added, "also it depended on how many meals the bread should count for. if one meal then the soldiers preferred the bread as before, but if for two meals, then they preferred the 1/2+1/5 so that the meals were more proportional."

most people, including the ta, didnt know i was joking. in fact, the ta thought it was an interesting theory and praised it quite highly. i, meanwhile, was nearly wetting myself at being so clever. the best part was when one girl actually took issue with my comment that the 1/30 could be done with the naked eye while the 1/5 could not. she got a bit agitated by that so i agreed that i had thought it sounded funny, but thats what was in the encyclopedia.

all i can say is, "GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!"

click here and scroll down for your try.

"Your first name of Nolan makes you a quick thinker, both philosophical and creative. You appreciate music, art, and drama and, if given training, could excel in those fields. Self-consciousness may prevent you from feeling at ease in positions of impromptu expression. Desiring to be free from detail and monotony, you find it difficult to finish what you start if it does not hold your interest. You enjoy reading and the beauties of nature, experiencing peace and relaxation in outdoor activities. A very individual, independent person, you live within your own thoughts. With acquaintances and strangers, you tend to be reticent and reserved. Your friends never know whether they will find you friendly and charming or lost in introspection. When unhappy or disappointed, you can be moody and temperamental, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated. You will go out of your way to help others, and find it difficult to say "no" and mean it. Others impose on your generosity at times. You enjoy sweets and starchy foods. Over-indulgence could cause a weak back, skin conditions or arthritis later in life. The heart and lungs could also be affected at stressful times."

my question is: how did they know about the starchy foods? I cant get enough of them.

blogger is self-contradictory today:

out of necessity, ill give a few helpful tips on how to enjoy your favorite slush puppie. it may seem like such tips are superfluous, but believe you me, several educated americans commit many of the following slush puppie faux paus.

1. dont over do it on the squirts. if the sign says two squirts, use only two squirts.
2. never, i repeat, never drink your slush puppie through a straw. you see, unlike those other frosty beverage imposters (ahem, icee, slurpee), slush puppies sort of follow the snow cone methodology. if you use a straw, you will harm the balance of fruity goodness and mini ice ball slushiness. if such occurs, you will then wish you had violated tip number one, so dont do it!
3. dont rush to swallow your generous sip of slushy goodness. this can cause repeated instances of uncomfortable brain freeze. let the slushy balls rest in your mouth and chew them gently until some of the chill has worn off. this will also serve to turn your tongue into a special unnatural color, which everyone knows is an extra added bonus.
4. dont just throw your empty cup away carelessly. you fool, dont you realize there are valuable paw points on each cup that can be saved and redeemed for valuable slush puppie merchandise? how utterly ridiculous of you to think that once the beverage is consumed, the fun should stop. it is as if you had stumbled upon the lost city of gold, which also happens to be the lost city of carne asada burritos (those of you whove read voltaire's candide will appreciate what i mean here) and you get so excited about all the lost gold that you completely forget about those tasty carne asada burritos loaded with all that guacamole. now, honestly, what kind of absent-minded buffoon would you later regret yourself to be. so hang on to that cup.

dont forget to visit the official slush puppie website for more details.

so i was talking to my brother in law the other day. hes a pretty sharp cat and has a masters degree to prove it. we were talking about how im dropping out of graduate school after this first year. he mentioned something about how even still i have an edge over others with a masters cus ive done just a bit more.
then he said, in usual fashion, "you may be smarter, but im still stronger".
after an awkward pause, he finished with, "thats always been the family tactic."
to which i replied, "What? 'If you cant outwit 'em, then intimidate 'em?' "
he followed up with, "Yeah, and if both of those fail, then make fun of 'em"

it brought back some (physically and emotionally) sensitive memories from my early days with the family.

kids say the darndest things...

friday afternoon i was taking my pooch out for a stroll at the local park. i noticed as i passed a group of kids, probably around 6-8th graders, three boys playing keep away with a football and two girls sitting in the grass nearby. the boys were apparently minding their own business. at one moment i heard, out of nowhere, one of the girls shout, "Here's a game for you: Try and find a brain!"

it seemed like a pretty successful pre-adolescent insult to me. as i was reveling in the gradeur of youth, she piped up again, an addendum to her previous tort. to my dismay the little sassy miss didnt realize that her second comment seemed, contrary to intended purpose, to remove all the thrust of her former taunt. she followed with, "Oh, but i guess you have to lose a brain before you can find one."

as i returned to my apartment, overtaken by an overwhelming feeling of defeat, a tear formed in the corner of my eye.

it is presently six minutes to 8. i begin my sections at the top of this hour. i have just walked in to the campus coffee shop to order something to stimulate my sugar and blood. such was attained and at no cost. for as i entered i instantly recognized the guitar solo of journey's separate ways.

its gonna be a great day!

so last night im walking through the school parking lot at about half past seven. apparently, ucsd is hosting some dance recital of sorts in its Mandeville Center. i learned this about 25 minutes earlier when i saw a mother with children walking aimlessly asking personages who either lacked the correct information or failed to communicate in the same language(s).

in any case. i was accosted by a women in some fancy car. her face displayed an obvious agitation; i, of course, assumed it was a result of a troubled menopause. i assumed, as is a common practice, that she was tailing me in order to apprehend my parking space. my ears massaged by the gentle melodies of my cd walkman, i failed to understand her question. "pardon me?" i replied politely, removing my left earphone. "do you know where the Mandeville Center is?" i did. moreover, i was prepared to tell her without delay.

and so i began, "just over there is a parking lot with meters". "i only have this parking permit", she interrupted with increasing agitation. to be sure, i was set aback. the woman asked me a straightforward question, which i proceeded to begin answering. she was obviously in some sort of hurry to catch her estranged son's breakout performance in some makeshift production of swan lake. so why was she interrupting me with such irrelevant nonsense? i was not proffering her the opportunity to pay for further parking arrangements. after all, it was she who pursued me.

it seems simple, this communication thing, i mean. one asks a direct question and the other answers to the best of his ability.

again i began, "at the far end of that parking lot...." she blurted out in a most rude tone, "i'm not looking for a parking lot i'm looking for the mandeville center". "what the heck do you think im trying to tell you?" i retorted before replacing the earphone and continuing my journey towards my auto.

man, menopause must be tougher than ive heard.

does anyone else out there ever share this experience?

i spend quite a bit of time in my car it seems and i listen to quite a bit of radio. i can expect to hear at least twice a week a radio advertisement for Robbins Bros. the worlds biggest engagement ring store. every couple of weeks a new ad is heard but they all bear two similar characteristics: (1) each ad reveals the latest crazy idea of robbins bro steve to tell the world about robbins bros. the worlds biggest engagement ring store while robbins bro skip bears the voice of reason and (2) both robbins bros remind me in tone and sense of humor of our own samurai barber, johnny.

its uncanny, really.

so my wife gets this email from a friend yester that contains the following the usual christian junk and is polished off with the following:

send this to seven people (excluding you and me) and you will experience a miracle within a week. if you refuse to send this to seven people then you are refusing people the chance for God to bless them.

gag me with a spoon, please!